Change??? (older Post)

Change is going to happen. or should I say that has to happen. I am so tired of feeling the way i have been feeling lately. I keep asking myself why do I care. you keep telling me that we are a team but your actions are saying something TOTALLY different. Since you got your new job you have changed...I hate it. I bust my *** just like you but my *** busting means every damn day going to work where you only have a 2 or 3 days a week and you make more than me. You make me feel like I am lower than you since all this has started. my self value seems lower. and it dont matter to you... you dont want to hear anything I have to say unless it is about him and his job.
I have been thinking about last weekend when we went to your parents house and your dad said what he said about your brother and his new girlfriend. I took offense to what he said. he may of said it toward her but it could have been about me. and it didnt help when you answered the question like you did.

If anyone reads this maybe you can tell me what you think..... I really wish someone would comment... what was said was.... " What kind of woman with 2 teenage kids has someone who marred move in with them?"

I am so frustrated with the whole thing. We are like to ships passing in the night. we hardly talk anymore. only if I miss sleep or am late for work I dont know what I am doing here. just writing and trying to vent. I need to get some sleep before he gets home. UGH UGH UGH...

Good night!!! (i know this dont sound logical. but I am in a very low place now and to be honest with you the last time I felt this low was in 2003. things were starting to go great just got my degree and bought a house things were coming together. more money coming into the house. I fell into a very deep depression and ended up in the hospital. I am feeling that happen again... and the worst part is the man I love dont think that it is anything and that I am only thinking about myself... when in reality I am thinking and putting everyone else before me. cant focus and I am irritable a lot. I am feeling so unloved and undesired and unappreciated.. even thou I get told thank you. hearing it and feeling it is to different things. actions so speak louder than words. you can say you appreciate someone til you are blue in the face but if your actions are louder than your words it can void out the words.
Ok done for now I guess probably for a while. when i write it is always jumbled.
good night
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Posted by _________at 21:08 on February 2nd, 2012 at 9:08PM

greentea2006 greentea2006
41-45, F
Dec 2, 2012