Why Me??

I posted this in another place, but this experince applies as well:

I am in the beginning stages of a new friendship.  Saturday we went to the movies and then to lunch.  This was the second time hanging out but we have been chatting online all last week once I returned from vacation.  We had been chatting via e-mail about a week before my vacation and hung out for the first time before I left.  On that first meeting I noticed that he mumbled instead of talked to me so I was constantly asking him to repeat what he was saying because I couldn't understand him (both on the phone and in person).  Now, in all this time we had been communicating via the internet I noticed that he always talked about himself and never once asked me get to know you questions.  Everything I shared I did so through the limited conversation we were having.  He mostly talked about his crappy job and how he has no money, no car, no friends, needs to loose weight, etc.  Now, as a friend these things don't concern me as I was trying to show sympathy by listening to him.  Well, when he did initiate conversation it was to say what he ate for dinner, talk about his Frontierville on Facebook or something equally mindless.  So, me being who I am, I started asking questions about his life.  Not once did he return the question or ask any of his own.  When I asked him to ask me something he came back with "not to sound disinterested, but I like to find out about people through conversation".  I kept thinking to myself that 'I am the one asking questions and starting the conversation and you are just talking and not showing an interest in me'.  This was shown more prominently on Wednesday night when we were IMing with each other and I started asking about past relationships since he seems very stunted in social settings.  Come to find out that he doesn't have friends that aren't in the Facebook gaming world, has had 2 recent relationships, one for 5 months 12 years ago and another for 6 months about 6 years ago (or something like that, might have been 4 years ago).  So it now brings us to Saturday at the movies.  I was walking to the theater and was looking for him where we said we would meet.  I didn't seem him but felt something strange behind me for a few feet.  I turned around and there he was!  I was startled and asked him if he had been waiting long and he said that he had just gotten there.  WTF?  Isn't that rude to just walk behind someone you are going to meet and not let them know you are there?  That pissed me right the hell off.  He thought it was funny.  So instead of getting popcorn and what have you, I just went to get the seats and left him at the concession stand.  Now, when he does show up at the seats, he sits down and the commercials are still going, so there is like 5 minutes to the movie.  I have my arms on my lap and I'm watching the screen.  He sits and starts eating his popcorn and does not make conversation AT ALL.  Not even a "so how are you this morning?"  NOTHING.  I get more mad.  The movie was hilarious so that took my edge off.  Okay, so now I've got no respect for him and I'm walking ahead of him after the movie going to where we are going to eat lunch.  It is a sports bar and it just opened so we have our choice of booths.  I pick one and then quickly realize it is showing drag boat races.  Whatever with that but the channel changer is broken and we can't switch seats now.  So, after we order I start to figure out this sport (which is so stupid).  I'm trying to make conversation through sports.  He doesn't like sports.  Great.  That kills my conversation but he kept mumbling something and I wasn't asking him to speak up or repeat.  Skipping to the end of the lunch, we leave and I am walking back to my car and the last time I gave him a ride home because he doesn't have a car, this time I was soooo pissed that when I got to where I had to veer off to go to my car I spun around, said thank you and then left him standing there.  He didn't ask for a ride home and I wasn't offering.  Then he e-mails me later asking if I was okay because I seemed a little off.  I said that I was watching the TV because there was no conversation.  He comes back with "you seemed more interested in the TV than looking at me."  And I replied I was watching TV because there was no conversation.  And then he replied "OK."  Haven't heard from him since.

Was I wrong?  Should I have kept trying to make conversation over lunch?  Or not been so bitchy in the e-mail afterward?
Parthenopeaigle Parthenopeaigle
36-40, F
4 Responses Aug 9, 2010

Well the funny thing is Colormevibrant, is that it wasn't a date. He called it a "meeting for possibilities in the future". What does that tell you right there? And I agree with you on the mumbling. That is great if you are a gangster and don't want people to know what you are saying, but not great when you are trying to communicate with someone.

Holy cow. You have the patience of a SAINT! What an awful date!! You did NOTHING wrong, honey. Find yourself a REAL man! I know that sometimes the "real deal" w/a shy guy is that you've gotta "chase 'em until u let 'em catch u" -- but "high maintenance" doesn't even BEGIN to describe your loser. Oh, and btw? I MARRIED a mumbler. 'Nuff w/that passive-aggresive bullcrap! Look for me on "America's Most Wanted" next week if he mumbles ONE. MORE. TIME . . .. !!!

Thank you for the kind words frostbitten. :)

I wouldnt say hes high maintenance but to me he didnt show any intrest in you at all.I dont thing you did anything wrong.If you want to feel better about this e-mail him telling him how you feel.It also shows me your a nice woman.You care about whats inside a person,not how much money he makes or if he has a nice car.