Exhausted & Alone

This isn't easy for me to say these things. My life has been a movie of spiring events others have created. I'm not innocent. I never have claimed to be. But the things that have spread around about me have been so damaging to myself and my children. We have become so ostricized (splg?) from society. And where the slander hasn't spread, too damage has been done that my ability to trust anyone is GONE. I do my best to not pass that on to my kids, even though it has affected them directly, too, I try to encourage them that not everyone's like this. There really are people who are nice. I didn't grow up being bullied, so I never knew how much it hurts. I never knew what it was like to be so hated until I got married. Slowly, beginning with my husband's sister, as she began planting suggestive thoughts about me to my husband due to her own fears in life. His mother shortly followed stating I was a liar and she had confronted me several times - WHICH NEVER HAPPENED - I had to speak to her about HER lies and hurtful statements about me. My husband claimed he didn't believe these things. ?? This goes back 15 years ago. Lies progressed and everytime my husbands kids came over, they'd go back to my mother-in-law lieing about me. His family's church members hated me. Everybody loeved Glenn and welcomed me. We moved numerous times, it got to the point that I couldn't go anywhere without them of having about me. I've lost every friend I had. Even they thought he was a wonderful husband, I was an ungrateful and trying to make him look bad. His 2 other kids, would lie about my kids who were 8+ yrs younger than them. He made us be around his family. Desperate for a friend, I went online about 3 years ago, having been soo isolated for so long, I wasn't sure if I knew how to be a friend or have a friendship anymore. But I felt safe on the computer. So I contacted and was contected through facebook by old school friends and classmates. Soon, they started making indirect statments, suggestive statements, insdious comments. I have even had someone come into our house severeal times (I think it was our landlord who used to snoop around our house and had a key + combined with anyone else my husband knew or he himself) steal personal court documents, personal diaries and other personal items have mysteriously disappeared from myself and my kids. I've had my picture taken while attracting others to notice me quietly and my children. An old highschool friend 3 yrs ago started saying wierd things like she looked me up in court documents and found nothing, nervously she's trying to comfort me with what "they" were doing was wrong. I asked her who? "They". She began though calling and being on the phone as if listening to the background sounds and what was going on while I would be on the phone with her. Until I asked her who spoke to her? Who contacted her? So and so? Or this person? No. No. She would say. On my last attempt, she just yelled at me and said, "I can't do this anymore! I just can't do this! I'm sorry for what your husband and his family is doing to you, but I can't do this anymore!! (and hung the phone up.) I never did hear from her again and she has since blocked me. I had people drive by and take picture of our house. Finally, I learned the last time I left my husband after he was arrested, and have been able to piece to gether since my kids had begun telling me things that were going on in school from staff and kids alike. I have kept a list of the questions my kids have been asked repetedly. It was a weekly routine at one school in questioning them on me. I have been accused of being on drugs, abusing them, abusing my husband, being secretive, not wanting friends, a liar and manipulator, controling my kids, etc. I have moved several times and it follows us, literally. Since the last time we left (kids n I), after not talking to my husband for over a yr n hid from him, btw - these things houded us too, I've had people repeditively pretend to be my friend, then stabb me after they got all the info they could on us. I've had people try to hurt me, yell things at me bout being a ***** - which I'm not and had been faithful to my husband. One woman who was friends with my family, told me spontaneously that when I go crazy and lose my kids - she would fight for me b/c I was a good mother...then she'd call leave messages and say she never called, that it wasn't her. My one sister shouted out one day that I had a mental illness (I'm adopted and one lie about my mother was that she was schizophranic - which court documents my dad kept said nothing of any mental illness) I've been told by my family that I had something from my mother. People have hurt my kids, and then lie right to them about what they said or did, including school staff. I homeschool 2 of my kids, b/c I can't get them back to school due to the emotional injury from the school. I have told people to call the law. I know there's paper being passed from school to school and have tried to get a hold of it and thety keep it from me. I have had a woman tell me that when she had something on me, she would call the law - I told her "good" looking forward to it that I was entitled to a fair investigation instead of having people talking behind my back!" My husbands 2 other kids who are adults now abused my kids so badly and was a part of all this going around, making false claims to make me look like them to cover themselves, my kids have needed counseling as a result. I've madevreports but authorities have already been notified that "I'm just a vengeful woman who takes out my problems on his kids" NOT TRUE. Desperately I have fought for my kids and can't afford counseling for all 4, so I reported a situation that had arisen between my children, to get state funding for help getting services my kids need! It has been a relief! Personally, I don't care if people don't like me, it hurts more though that's it's so massive amount. I have wanted to die to end my pain. Though my kids r my reason for living. My own family has lied to my mom to divide us and have been apart of all of this. They have lied about my kids and have gotten thier friends to try to coerce my children to say things that aren't true. They've been told I don't love them or want them. CRAZY!!! btw... I cannot explain how I have survived what I have... I know bullying NOW. I've learned from them how to fight back. Sorry this was so long.
happymama1 happymama1
36-40, F
Nov 27, 2012