Be "the One"

I'm sure, in this group, many of you are looking to find "the one". To find "the one", you have to know what, exactly, you're looking for. As I discussed in my last post, we all have different personalities, lifestyles, experiences, goals, values, quirks, and pet peeves. Therefore, the definition of what "the one" looks like will vary from person to person. What type of person should you look for? I can't answer that question for you, because I don't know you. This is so deeply personal that even someone who (thinks they) know you well can't answer it for you. Only YOU know what is right for you.
In my last post, I talked about self knowlege; this will give you an idea of what type of person you might actually be able to get along with, and relate to. Now that you've figured out who YOU are, you need to use this information to figure out who "the one" is. You can't find someone if you don't know what they look like. Now be warned: there is no "perfect" person; we're all flawed humans. You just want to find someone who has about 80% of what you're looking for. While there is no "perfect" person, there are some people you'll be able to get along with and relate to a lot more than others. You don't want to get desperate, get married in a hurry for the wrong reasons, and end up stuck with this person you can't stand.
Okay. You know who YOU are, you know what "the one" looks like. Now what? If you are really serious about looking for this person, you have to get out, put yourself out there, and let people know what you're looking for. They are not just going to knock on your door and ask you for a date. Many women just sit back and wait for "their prince to come". Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel...they're called fairy tales for a reason! If you want to find this person, you have to, to some extent, be the aggressor ( not that you want to be AGGRESSIVE, but you can't be totally passive, and always wait for the other person to come to you). You have to let them KNOW that you're there, you're available, and you're interested.
So often I hear women say something like,"I want a man who is intelligent, educated, has a high-paying job, is outgoing, funny, helpful around the house, and loves kids". Well, okay, that's great, but let me ask you this: Why would such a man be attracted to you? If you're uneducated, unemployed, sloppy looking, rude, bossy, aimless, haven't accomplished anything in life, helpless/no life skills, or any combination of the above, you probably won't be able to attract this type of person, no matter how hard you look, or how much you put yourself out there. This is why I would like to suggest an alternative approach to dating. Instead of just LOOKING for "the one", first concentrate on BEING "the one". Work on improving and developing yourself, so you will be able to attract this person you want. 
From your self-knowlege, you will be able to make a list of all the qualities and traits you want in a partner/spouse/date. I'm telling you that before you start looking for this person, you better be every one of those things yourself (or at least 80% of them). Oherwise, why would this person want to date you, why would they be attracted to you? 
Bottom line: A relationship has to be a two-way street. Before you look for "the one", you first have to BE "the one".
atpeacewithme atpeacewithme 26-30 3 Responses Jan 7, 2011

Your Response


I understand that we are all flawed humans. I never said, or meant to convey, that you should try to be "perfect". All I meant was if you try to be the best person YOU can be, given your life circumstances, limitations, and shortcomings, you will stand a better chance of finding a suitable person. Don't compare yourself to anyone else; just be the best person YOU can be.

I also understand that many people have problems that are beyond their control, and cannot easily be "fixed". In this post, I was only talking about things you CAN control. As you said, many people have problems that are imposed by others. Abusive, needy, demanding, or toxic relatives can certainly hamper a person's dating possibilities, and this is unfair. I don't have any easy answers, but this is something that would need to be addressed before you go too far in any relationship.

You're right; when it comes to dating, the pressure is mostly on men, and that will likely not change. Men are supposed to ask to the woman out, and then pay for everything and provide everything on dates, and generally "wine and dine" the woman. It's sort of a one-way street. I sometines think this is unfair; I mean, if you're both intelligent, competent adults earning salaries, why should the man always be the one who pays? It's not fair, but I seriously don't think it will change, either.

True. Alot of people don't see that that is hard work. Everyone has expectations that usually don't match their effort. That's why I'm not complaining. I know my negative traits and I know where I stand. I'm not looking for the one. I don't even see myself being the one. Whenever someone tries to get into me, I let them know all of my faults and differences. Being honest with yourself and other people also really helps.

yeah! someone finally understands the human question, err dont they? i can tell if our children have the same experiences of love, sex and relationships as our age group in their lifetime, then we, as parents are going to be pretty ******! and i know you all know what i mean....