Will I Ever Find The Right One?! :(

Im a 27 year old female and for most of my life i hated being single, i still do....because I still am! No matter how much I try to be positive about being single, the other part craves that feeling of being in love and being loved.

Ive never had a long-term relationship, the longest was 4 months..Iv had less than 10 'boyfriends'. Its not that i didnt want to be in a relationship, Iv always wanted a boyfriend but just never found the one who stuck around long enough. It has just been a sequence of disappointment and heartache and I'm not sure how much more my heart can take.

My friends say I'm stunning and have such a nice personality (Im beginning to doubt that now!) I dont have any trouble attracting men just the right one hasn't crossed my path yet. I consider myself to be genuine, down-to-earth, happy-go-lucky, loyal, affectionate, funny, independent and love life.The only thing missing is that special person....

The majority of my friends are either in a relationship or married with kids. I have always been the one who meets the guy, falls head over heels in love, then have my heart crushed months down the line. The prospect of meeting someone new naturally scares me because im wondering when they will walk out of my life again! I do meet guys and have no trouble with that, but it never lasts longer than I hope! I dont have one night stands/ flings/affairs and when I start to see someone new I dont give it up easily. When Im not in a relationship I abstain from enjoying sex but Im starting to crave it so much lately.

I live with three people, the landlord lives also lives her but her boyfriend stays over most nights and almost all day too. I find it awkward to be around them even though they are both very nice people and we get along. But seeing them cuddle up on the sofa laughing and joking really makes my heart ache for just that. It puts me in a bad mood. I usually end up leaving the room after bearing it for quite some time, then go to my room feeling so miserable, and I admit..feeling sorry for myself. Other times I just go to the gym or do something to try divert my mind from this empty feeling of being alone.

Being single is one of the main reasons why I get depressed.. this is usually sprung on by seeing couples or listening to friends talk about how great they're love lives are etc etc. I dont want to feel this miserable about not being in a relationship or feel sorry for myself but because I've spent most of my life single its hard not to. I would love to be able to say to my family that I have someone new in my life and be pretty certain that this is not just another 4 month thing!

Im tired of meeting guys in pubs, clubs mainly where alcohol is involved. Ive tried internet dating which hasn't gone down well so far..it isn't really my thing.

All i want is that someone special who knows how to respect me, make me laugh, who will stick by me and make my life that bit more enjoyable.

Is that so difficult ??!
missymoomee missymoomee
26-30, F
10 Responses Apr 12, 2011

I know how you feel, I've been dealing with being for awhile myself!! And it really sux ***!!

One thing I know about heartbreak is that it only hurts temporary. Its his lost you a found a better man that loves you unconditional.

At least you can still attract attention. If you couldn't, then I would worry about it.

Being single isn't the worst thing that can happen you know. It does suck tremendously at times, especially when you are around a lot of couples. The third wheel isn't a great feeling. I live in Chicago one of the biggest in the U.S. and its hard to meet people here, not to mention people with integrity and character. My ex of 8 years got pregnant with another mans child just weeks before we were supposed to be married. Not only did she take my pride and heart but also my life's savings. 3 years later I am still single but more than that I am ok with it. If your not happy with yourself, you will have a hard time being happy with some one else. I did get sick of being the third wheel for a time, but now I realize that I should enjoy my time until I meet the right one. Dating sites and pubs, are a quick and easy way to meet some one, but not necessarily someone good.<br />
<br />
If it comes easy, it is not normally good. Every thing worth having in life takes work. Hang in there. and try not to push or rush it. The more one tries to will or force something to happen, the worse the outcome normally is. Take it from me, I wanted something so bad at the time I didn't pay attention to what was really going on, and it cost me more than I should have paid. Life is give and take, some give and some take, and every now and then you will find that perfect balance.

Wow, your story just made me join this community so that I can say thank you for sharing and also sorry for what happened to you. I recently had a breakup myself, but not as painful as yours. Mine was short lived. Anyway, I completely agree with you that you must put hard work on things that are worth having in life. Also, to add a little more, you must appreciate the things that you already have, even little things that are hard to notice. I have realized after the breakup, that what I really wanted was my own happiness and success, not someone else next to me to make me feel better. It is really important to stay strong and introspect your spiritual self and find happiness on your own before jumping into a relationship with someone. And as I am writing, I notice that this comment was written in 2011 so I guess no one will read this now in 2014 haha.. if anyone does, stay strong and work your best on everything in life and I wish for all of your success and personal growth!

Thanks for sharing your story with me. Im sorry you have been through such a horrible time that must have been so difficult for you to deal with... Glad to hear that you have moved on from it. I havent been through the same experience as you but I know how hard it is to come to terms with the fact that no matter how much love you give it just isnt enough. The feeling of being let down, manipulated, cheated on and that person not feeling the same way as you is heart wrenching its the worst pain ever. But at the end of the day you have to think of your own welfare.<br />
My last boyfriend out of the blue confessed he 'wasn't sure if things are gonna work out with us' this took a lot of time for me to comprehend what exactly was going to happen and of course I was completely shocked as everything was going so well before he dropped the bomb shell.. I sat there for over an hour and cried my eyes out in front of him. I actually didnt want to let him go.. like a fool I let him see how upset he had made me and of course manipulation came into play when he pretended to show he cared! You'd think that from having my heart broken soooo many times before that I would be able to deal with it like a confident mature adult but he broke me down so much I cringe to think I let him see that side of me.. of course now I hate him because at the time I had so many feelings still exposed that i thought it might be something we could work out . needless to say it didnt! Now I see he was just not meant for me and I deserve better. <br />
Sherry adkov's book really does put things into perspective.. I have slowly started to see my worth and try not put so much effort into making a relationship work. I used to put my partner first and I admit was available whenever he made plans ignoring my own etc. Being sweet, genuine and honest isnt always a good thing as men can easily walk all over you and break you down. I really need to stand up for myself and put ME first!<br />
I really dont like being single but I guess thats another insecurity that I have to try improve on. The thing is I dont want to look back on my life in a few years time thinking about the length of time i had spent worrying about being alone..I wish I could have a more positive attitude towards it but this is something I really need to work on. I know how difficult it is to be around couples all the time and feel so awkward and wierd in their company... i long for that closeness so much. But when you think of it no relationship is perfect or is meant to last.<br />
Best of luck to you in the future .. I hope you find your happiness. x

"I try to be positive about being single, the other part craves that feeling of being in love and being loved''- i totally agree with this lines you wrote. i felt the exact way too,.i am 25 years old, i broke up with my first boyfriend 2 years ago, .i never been into flings too, but i suffered emotional and physical torture with my ex though i can't seem to hate him for that even though his own family and friends were at my side still i tried to cover him up,until i finally decided that i have to let go , it was the lowest pit of my life thought i can never get out,. i loved him so much but the pain he inflicted on me crushed me to death,.after that, i was never been attracted to anybody, and thought about being single for life..but oftentimes i feel lonely, same like you, all my friends have their own family and boyfriends, i made a lot of excuses not go during gatherings, i hate the feeling of being left behind,standing in front of happy couples .i always tell my self, i have nothing to worry about, i am single, have a degree and job, i can do whatever i want in life. but still there is this inner cry inside of me longing to be loved and cared for. and i also read the book of sherry Argov, i love that book, if only i can turn back the time maybe i could still save my relationship with my ex,. but i think we were not meant for each other too.. or i am meant to be an unfortunate old maid. anyway, thank for the post, i can totally relate to that..i'm sorry if i cant give you any advice about that because i myself also is still searching for all my questions left unanswered..

Thanks for the comments guys.. appreciate the advice! Brokeheart.. you do make sense what you say in your first 3 lines.. I am sweet almost too much at times.. sometimes try not to be but its in my nature so I'd find it hard to change that. I guess I just need to toughen up and start taking my sweetness out on a punch bag! They do say that 'Men love *******'.. read that book by Sherry Argov if you havent already! I should eat it for my breakfast! :)

I really hope you find someone I know how hard it is,I've been single my whole life the only thing I've ever wanted was to find someone and fall in love.But I don't see that happening I've tryed everything.I don't want to give up its been really hard for me.I hope you will find what your looking for take care.

You sound sweet and vulnerable, a hounddog can smell that a mile away - and will truly take advantage of it, until the next cute puppy comes along that can fund their lifestyle - There is nothing decent in the pub, that's just pick up city -- so's the internet - Try changing your hobbies - do museum, art galleries, free music venues, eat lunch, dinner out alone, off peak hours, early weekdays - meet other singles that way. Be confident and aware. Someone's looking for you ... :)

I know just how you feel and Im sorry to hear that. I work out religiously(5-6days a week) so Im in good shape. Like you my friends say that Im good looking and would make a great husband/boyfriend. Yet Im always single. Ive had 1gf and that only lasted a couple of months. Its gotten to be I avoid hanging out with friends that are seeing someons. Id rather hang out then hangin out with them. It only makes me feel worse.