I Dont Mean To Be...

i guess this group is full of people who keep saying that they are realy tired of being alone. well im just another one of them. but hey. im not the same. i'm a closet lesbian. i had a recent but not to recent....event with my best friend. the stories are up. anyway. this happened during school. and it ended quickly, we no longer talk. i guess its for the best. thinks were terrible but i got better. but still. it hasnt been going the way i planned at all. i thought i could handle being single for a while. and i was. until summer came around. i see couples holdong hands and kissing. arms around eah other. smiles that show how they feel about each other. its not that i want a relationship. its that i want someone to hold me. and make me feel wanted. so maybe i do want a relationship. i see girls my age and they r still in the "girls can have sex too" stage. they only want to see what its like to have sex with a girl. then they want it again and again. i dont want that. i just want to care about someone in that gf way...
its a hard thing to get over. i was fine at firat because i was still in school. now on summer break, i see it alot more. i dont c many of my friends and not the girl i like. i dont know what to do. the girl i like is nice and she actually cared about what i did. my writing and my drawings. she loved to read them and look at my sketch book. but i have no idea if she even looks at girls the way i do. i dont know if shes straight or bi or what. she was nice to me and i got a crush. i hate this....advice????
c0nfus3ds0ul c0nfus3ds0ul
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 12, 2011

when we were married we thought we would be with each other for ever we shared many advetures grown up with each other and if i had to bet we would have stillbeen with each other today and almost to our 50 th wedding anavesary <br />
but death took her at the age of 19

it gets so bad sometimes. but im learning to deal. :)

i know how you feel. with my best friend (i have stories about the stuff that happened) it worked for like 2 seconds before it blew up in my face. i have a person i like but i dont think i can ever be with her because i dont know how she sees women. <br />
i am getting to a place where i am happy with being single but it is tough. im thankful that i have friends and family to love. (esp my 3yr old bro. he loves to cuddle)<br />
message me some time. :)