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Confusion Over My Singleness! I Feel Stuck And Powerless!

I am trying to find someone decent to date. I believe I have a reasonable balance between what I want and being open/flexible.

I have been single for 18 months, about a year of that was by choice, now I can't seem to find anyone to date.

I am 30, I would like to get married in the near future, not rush into anything, but I just got my career off and running so I have some stability.

I have checked/corrected some issues I've had. For instance, I quit smoking (which was fairly light smoking to begin with) and I got in shape. Right now I am fairly athletic, well-groomed, introverted but friendly and kind to most everyone I meet (or so I hope). I am economically independent. I am stable, responsible and reliable.

It isn't like I don't have any problems, but part of the reason I have been single for so long has been to collect myself, examine problems and deal with them. For instance, I used to be unreasonably jealous when in a relationship. I also used to be a little demanding. I took time off, addressed these issues (in counseling and meditation) and feel I have overcome them for the most part.

I like myself, I appreciate who I am and what I can offer another person. Most days I am happy and satisfied with my life.

The one area that has been causing me much distress is my social life. I live in a town of around 50,000 people. It is a college and vacation town. It is cold. People all seem to be coming or going. Also, the women I have dated here (previous to the last 18 months) seem to be fairly difficult to please. When I lived in a bigger city (warmer climate more "permanent" mentality) I found more people to connect with and had much more satisfying relationships.

I feel stuck. I can't really leave because of the economy and poor job prospects elsewhere. For the last year I tried to find jobs in places I would be happy. I applied to 300+ jobs in 9 months time. I got 1 job offer. That was for my current city. I don't think I will be able to move out of here for at least 2 more years (until I accumulate enough experience in my field).

The truth of the matter is that I would be happy with a temporary, even mediocre relationship, something to help me function socially and just to have someone to do things with regularly. I don't want a fling or a one-night-stand; they are destructive. If I can't find a great "soul mate" type, that's fine. I just need someone to share my life with for the time being, but something where we are both committed to one another exclusively.

I am going to make a greater effort to connect to people over the next couple of months (which sounds exhausting when I read this because I have already tried so hard), but I feel like I really need help and support. Some days, not many per se, I feel overwhelming depression. This comes from being so socially isolated. When these "attacks" happen I either meditate or go work out. This helps some, but it is really just dulling the sadness, dulling the lack of meaningful connection with others.

This is my first post so I don't know what to expect. I guess I just want to see if anyone will respond or has "two cents" to contribute. Feel free to say whatever you like. Thanks for taking the time to read my bookish post!
-Adam
AdamTalksToOthers AdamTalksToOthers 26-30, M 1 Response Feb 22, 2012

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I did the same as you in the beginning. I wanted to be alone, and needed to fix me. In recent years, I have wanted to date, but have not found anyone. Just keep being honest with yourself and the women you meet. I wish you luck :)

Thanks for the encouraging words! I agree with you, honesty with yourself and others is key. I think that you are right, I just need to hang in there, there isn't much else I can do really. Some days are better than others. Thanks again -Adam

Your welcome :)