Miss Independant

I hate being single but everyone thinks that I am a independant succesful woman who is happy being on her own... but I'm not. I put up a huge barrier and act all strong and tough but really I would love to have someone to curl up next to everynight (other than my cat).

I think that my attitude I portray gives off vibes to males and they are too scared to approach me. I have been told I am intimidating.

Bonden Bonden
22-25, F
39 Responses Jul 5, 2008

I know how you feel. I use to come off that way and I've opened up a lil...its hard....lol but can be done!

I've been told the same, that I am intimidating or come off too strong. I've been single my whole life. I keep screwing up my opportunities and now I have no more. All the women whom I have crushed have always been out of my league. I always seem to choose the ones I don't have a chance in hell with.

I received similar response recently, as result of Interpersonal Diagnosis of Personality. Sadly, I didn`t find much on internet about it and how to deal with that. In the other hand, I can`t force myself to being friendly.

well do not lower your barrier for any man... i personally think strong women are the best i just seem to be allergic to women who cant make decisions on their own all the time ....or who take all bullshit given to them

hey , if there are any hot single guys out there between ages 13 and 14 that live in york, PA send me a message and we can talk and hopefully meet ;)

Hi, first time here. Was nice reading into this... from my experience being a women means you choose. Either you say it out loud or you make the right signs. You take the risk. That's what I did, until now. Because after I choose I then start wondering if he wants to be with me, or is it just ok until something better comes along. So now I want to find a man, strong enough to take the risk to get what he loves (that being me). I'm sure it should be a both ways thing.. Yet, it feels like its the only way I can feel loved for real (again)... Does that make sense or is it old fashioned?

Just keep trying Im sure you will find the right person soon

Let me just say this. "The prettiest girls are the most lonely on weekends". Well its not just the prettiest it is also the women who put on airs about how satisfied about their being single. The ones telling jokes at work about how dumd or idiotic men are. I'm sure you know how it goes. When a guy hears things like that he naturally will not even considir that person.

I also find the same thing. People tend to see me as having no needs and as being happy on my own, and when I try to tell them how it really is for me, they are either amazed or they back off.

If you keep revealing how you really feel about things. Eventually men will open up to you and who knows, a relationship might happen.

I'm a little dubious about ChickChick's assertion that women face rejection EVERYDAY OF THEIR LIVES from grade school on. Do women face professional and personal rejections? Of course they do, but so do men.<br />
<br />
And if being rejected when asking someone out is so trivial, why don't YOU do it? Because it's "the man's job"? What happened to throwing out gender roles like that?<br />
<br />
Frankly ridiculing someone's concerns about taking initiative while taking a passive role yourself does NOT encourage being approached.

Im very single have been for almost forever, into older women can anyone mssg me thx

When your nearly broke and living in a run down apartment, successful women can be intimidating. Not to mention women assuming you are a bum or a slacker who only wants to get by in life. Digging yourself back out of a financial hole is ten times harder now than it was ten years ago. I saw where you say we don't look past the surface to see the woman beneath. I say the opposite is true as well.

Most men do not like strong women

Get married simple solution

In response to "Clickchick":<br />
<br />
It was never my intention to give the impression that I expect woman to "...rent lousy apartments until some man comes around to rescue them." I find that statement to be very uncouth. Again, I do not fault any woman for having a home, making more money, etc. I just prefer things to be a little more old fashioned when looking for a woman; that is not to say I will dismiss a woman who is more successful than me – that would be outright foolish as I could be missing out on the woman of my dreams. Nothing said was meant to demean or to offend, but to merely give you a perspective from one man’s point of view.<br />
<br />
Now I whole hardily agree when it comes to texting. I do not like cell phones, texting, Facebook, etc. in their entirety. It has devalued how we communicate with each other. This response to you would be an example for as if you and I were talking face-to-face or via the phone, you could see my facial ex<x>pressions and/or hear my tone of voice, thus possibly eliminating the potential of what has been typed or texted the wrong way, but such is the underlying problem with the advancement these technologies (not that I don't see their increased validity in making our lives more comfortable).<br />
<br />
In my opinion, I feel sometimes logic is not always the perfect way of understanding things. Let’s use a tree as an example since it provides oxygen, shade, shelter; now comes along a widget that does all these things the tree can do, in fact it can even grow bigger, taller, and sometimes even stronger. So where does that leave the poor old tree that has taken care of these things all its life? Obsolete.

wow, wish i was that young again, im 50 and lonely, but never gave up, im still looking for my soul mate. It really don't matter how you look, it's how you are on the inside also. Good luck hope things turn out.

I just want to thank the guys for commenting because it's good to have a glimpse at what going on in the male mind. <br />
<br />
But I have to say... most women can't wrap their heads around the whole "fear of rejection" thing. As women, we experience rejection EVERY DAY OF OUR LIVES! Starting in grade school, especially middle school... then in the work force... rejection each and every day... and it hasn't killed us... so for men to say they're afraid we'll say no.... well big whoop. No. Tiny little word, only two letters. Just hurt, doesn't cut, doesn't leave a scar..... but how many yeses do you think you've missed out on because you didn't bother?<br />
<br />
To something or other.... have you considered that maybe the woman responded with "No thanks" because you couched your invitation in a text message... rather than calling her up and trying to make her feel special? A text? You use text to tell someone you're stopping by the grocery and find out if they want bananas.... not to ask a woman out!<br />
I'm just saying there's a very real chance that's the ONLY reason she rejected you... because you didn't have enough consideration to ask her out properly. <br />
Never text in the first month of a relationship... use that time to get to know each other's communication style... so that you decrease the chance of misconstruing the communication via text. <br />
<br />
To Raphus.... do you really think all women should rent lousy apartments until some man comes around to rescue them? We should have no stability because we haven't found a man yet?<br />
I bought a small, modest condo because the apartment options are lousy here... and in order to live someplace decent... it was smarter to buy. Especially since it doesn't cost any more than renting. <br />
It's really too bad that serves as a turn off. Would guys feel better if they also owned property? ... is a woman with property less intimidating if the guy also owns a home?<br />
<br />
It's just not logical!<br />

i agree! mee too :/

you'll end up nearly 60 and the in the same position

Dont you worry you will the right man that is not overwhelmed by your success.

I am a single 27 year old male, and when I see a woman such as yourself, I actually find the "independence", and "career" as a turn off for me. So it is not an intimidation factor, I just wouldn't approach a woman for this reason (that, and I'm shy). I have a good job and my own home as well, but when I date a woman who has the same, it does make me feel as though I have nothing to offer. You make more money than me, you have your own home, can live independently -- aside of my company, what do you need me for? I like to feel I have more to offer. Perhaps it is a male "ego" thing if you will; I am very old school, and I like having the feeling that I can provide for a woman. By you, or any woman being as successful (or more so) than me can sometimes make us men no longer feel like a man.<br />
<br />
I don't fault you or any woman for her career and independence (in fact I encourage it), but for myself, that just isn't what I look for in a woman. Remember though, I am just one man with my own perspective on the matter. There are plenty of men out there who love to be with someone just like you. That special guy just hasn't found his way to your side just yet.

You don't understand what a relationship is if you think it is just buying her stuff so she does stuff to you. That is a business agreement, on your side, not sure what she would be led to believe it is.

I am tired of being alone as well. I work and relax, find projects to keep busy but it isn't the same as being cared for and caring back...Just that someone who wants to be a part of my life to share... They tell me it may happen when I'm not looking for it. I guess we will see...

I divorced at 28 after 10 year realationship and have been in the single world for 4 1/2 years now. I started off dating a lot as I was in a band for 10 years and had lots of ladies interested. I find myself always trying to get back in that "comfort zone" with every relationship and it is just plain exhausting. I am also a well off professional and like sex as much as the next person but that's all I'm really finding in the dating world. The "become good friends" part gets skipped and I become bored or unhappy with the relationship within 2 months. So I've kind of earned the label as a "pla<x>yer" or "serial dater", but the truth is I'm just picky. I'm now staying out of local hangout scenes and just spending time to myself... <br />
It's a conundrum really as alone can quickly turn into lonely. I don't have to be alone but I refuse to fake my feelings for someone.. On the fence about the whole situation these days. I married my best friend at the time. But it is truly hard to become best friends with someone when sex and living at one person's abode half the time begins within a couple weeks with the people I meet. <br />
All i have to say right now.... IDK

Wow, i always felt that women never liked me, cuz not good looking, or attractive. Was always afraid to ask a gurl out, or for a date, cuz fear of rejection. The more i started being open with women, I started to realize, that they are more softer from the inside, not all of them, but from my experience, some of them were harder to get thru. I always got attitude from women, and also got rejected a lot as well, probably cuz i took more time than most guys, or did wrong things at the wrong time. Messed up a lot, especially in college. I'm nice, respect women, respect people, may that be a kid, or an elder person, polite, smart, some what attractive, funny, out going, dont have an attitude, open to conversations, on most subject, in respectful manners. <br />
<br />
I guess, it goes both ways, for guys and gurls, waiting for the right person to come by, but has not happened for me, yet. For me its mostly fear of rejection, since got rejected a lot, since then stopped asking, but otherwise im a very chill person, and very fun to be around.

I think Liftingmisery nailed it, guys are afraid that you are either not available or not wanting a relationship. You may somehow indirectly let them know that it is possible to pursuit a relationship with you

Successful and/or attractive women (especially the latter) are probably intimidating to a lot of men because a lot of men, and I mean a -lot- do not have the confidence to approach good looking women - there's always, ALWAYS the assumption that she is already taken - if she is beautiful - and successful adds a whole new level to that assumption.<br />
<br />
Also, keep in mind that with a divorce rate over 50% (and a failed relationship rate higher than that, I imagine) there's a lot of -single- people out there with busted self esteem. That doesn't help matters any for individuals who have confidence and are single.

I agree with you

I can relate to you in a sense, but I'm easily intimidated I don't think I'm intimidating at all.

I totally relate. I run across a lot of men who intimidated by me and the things I have done. I have my own business and all of the other stuff. Sometimes I feel as though I am wrong for being conscientious and hard working....but then reality sets in and I realize that there is someone out there for me.....just wish he would stop playing and show up!

Lots of guys are hiding in plain sight. Try reaching out to a few.

I've discovered that my independence discourages men from approaching me. <br />
<br />
A gentleman once told me that men sometimes want to feel needed not only wanted. <br />
<br />
I know how it feels to sleep alone. I don't own a cat but I sleep with five pillows. <br />
<br />
Good Luck in finding that special someone

Wow, that is very discouraging!... If you guy in your 20-30' s are lonely, what about me in my late 40's? What is going on with the guys people? Or is it us, successful and attractive women?

I've never liked anyone who's single AND likes me back. So, I've turned off my heart. Guys don't pay attention to me. I don't care. I've written myself off at 21. Never loved, never loved back. <br />
-Rest in pieces cruel, cruel world...

It seems that in a world with so many people finding a person that loves you for who you and what you are is very rare. I don't understand why love is so very hard to find. Maybe it is a sign of the times.

I understand completely. I wish that I could have someone to hold me when I'm lonely, sad, or just feeling blue.<br />
<br />
I have some advice though. Go out and try to meet someone, you never know when Mr. Right is just around the corner. And if you come home unsuccessful, just look at some funny pictures that will make you laugh, like this one: http://bit.ly/dDhulH . Don't worry, all will be fine, just keep your head up.

Well...yeah even I feel the same way....sometimes I think - we have almost acheived what we want like job, a home..good salary etc...but when it boils down to family what we have is just "me and my pets"....<br />
<br />
Sometimes I feel being Single is GOOD...I don't have to answer anyone or compromise on doing something which I don't like but as you grow older (btw I'm 28) and see your friends getting married it kinda hurts that you are still single and have no one left to hang out with eventually...<br />
<br />
Unfortunately who ever i meet end up being a pshyco or our interests won't match at all.....sometimes i ask myself what if i endup not finding anyone at all?

I can totally relate. I hope it will get better for you.

I completely relate. I am 33 own my own home and help run a business. I have done some dating, but usually will walk away from the man because of his insecurities or mind games. Men have told me I am intimidating, beautiful and intelligence isn't something that men seem to like now a days. But I don't want to walk around acting like a dingbat just to keep a man. I would rather be alone than to be with someone who doesn't like me for who I am. Hope I get someone spiritual, calm, and caring, but I will wait for him (maybe forever?) I hope not.

I can relate to you entirely. As a strong, mostly-independent woman, I've been single for 6 years and many guys FEAR me. It's so difficult because I catch them staring at me, or trip over their words when I look at them, but they almost never ask me out. <br />
<br />
I do everything I can to make myself more approachable but it feels like nothing works.

I think a lot of women who are independent tend to over compensate. I also believe that a woman in an authority role tends to turn off a lot of men especially when they work beneath a women like that. What you need is a man who is sure of himself where he doesn't mind that you are strong. I admit that men like this are few and far between. Hope you fine what you are looking for

If that's your personality then you have to be who you are. However, I am not attracted to women that come off as if they're too good for you, even they though they are probably not, they do come off that way. I tend to really fall for the ones who smile everyday, show love and kindness to others. You see it through their actions and above all that's truly attractive to me. I myself can have a pretty strong character, but I am fun, and really kind to everyone when you get to know me. I believe when you're looking for a mate a good balance in character and personality would work well, if someone is just as you in that aspect, I'm not sure if that will work out in the long run.

If it makes you feel better I am turning 30 soon and single (but looking).

U know, I read the comment as "turning 30 and single soon" and I was like, woah! has this person planned on when s(he) will become single? Funny!
Apologies if that sounded mean.

No I didn't plan it. But now that I'm 33 and still single, I don't want married life as much as before (too many disappoinments).

Bonden, and Katia<br />
<br />
Anyone who thinks that either of you are intimidating, just because you are confident and feminine, you don't want to be with! <br />
<br />
It's the confidence and decisiveness that makes a real man happy! It gets a bit old if a woman never knows what she wants!!! I am a well educated, and all but inexperienced gentleman (when needed, anyway) who has loved the fairer sex and also loved and lost everything. <br />
<br />
I hope my comments can help you both realize how great you are! Take care of yourselves.<br />
<br />

It would be good to find a good man to be with. I don't consider myself to be successful although maybe too independent. I feel like I don't know how to love in the romantic sense.