49 And Still Single

I have been single just about all my adult life ... apart from a short fling I had 18 years ago with resulted in twins I have been pretty much on my own. I've had very few dates and those that I've met have always got some reason why I am not good enough to be a girlfriend. The list of excuses are long .... live too far away, won't go the next step in case things go wrong and we end up not being friends, assume I have men falling at my feet ... I am like a sister to them ... the latest one was abysmal ... we've been talking online for over 5 years but wont even talk to me on the phone just in case it causes a heart attack (I have a heart condition)! My children have never seen me with a partner (I find this totally embarrassing). Friends in relationships think I am mad for wanting to have one too but they can say this as they have not spent their whole adult life single with the immense loneliness that brings. I live a pretty decent life - I have a great job, take holidays, take care of my health - keep fit, dancing and not repulsive looking.

I tried a new dating site recently and the average age of the men that contacted me was 62!! I have found that a bit insulting as just about everybody I meet ... friends etc think I am early 30s.

I am now at that point in my life where I need to accept that there is every likelihood that this will be as good as it gets and really start preparing myself for a very solitary life. I never imagined growing up that my life would ever turn out this way and feel gutted that, with the billions of men in this world that I would end up a lonely old spinster. OK finally got that off my chest.
MotorDread MotorDread
46-50, F
Jan 18, 2013