Lonely and Depressed

I am so sick of being single! And I don't get why I'm single. Strangers seem to like me.. I often see guys (and girls) stop and look at me... and sometimes they'll tap their buddy on the side, whisper something and point towards me. I've even had guys chase me before (I was walking around town and ignored them when they asked my name.. so they chased after me on their bikes.. yeah... bikes.. the 16 year olds I know are immature... wait! I still ride a bike!!). And I had a stalker. He always threatened to come to my house and let himself in (he is a Senior at school... he is troubled.... and knows how to make a bomb.. and has done it...). And everyone always seems to tell me that I have a good personality. I make friends easily! And I'm an intelligent dancer!! Yet... I've had one "real" relationship.. it lasted two months.. he dumped me.... I was finally happy... and my low self-esteem didn't seem to matter... it wasn't bad... but then my friend and bf was neither all because he "didn't want a gf this summer". I thought he was different.. more mature.. guess I was wrong. I realize that I'm young.. but I'm a romantic and an artist... thats a combination that tends to make one need some love. I hate being single. I hate being depressed because I'm single. All I want is to be held. If someone were to hold me... I would be so happy. Just that feeling of being wanted.... I've never been wanted before.. not for the right reason, anyway... My ex didn't even like to call me, let alone touch me in any way. I would love to just have someone hold my hand. Just that small gesture would mean the world to me. Its so innocent... yet its so full of heart. If I can find the one person who was willing to love me for me, to hold me, to want me, to hold my hand... and not care who we were around.... I would be so happy. I've always wanted to be that happy...
PoeticRejection PoeticRejection 18-21, F 7 Responses Jul 16, 2007

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Thank you both for your comments. I look back on this experience, on this story, and remember the pain that has followed me because of it until only recently. No longer am I single, but I've experienced more and more of this pain (only it was caused not only by being single most of the time, but by the tremendous (to me anyway) heartbreak I experienced due to opening my heart to someone I thought was right for me more than once (different boyfriends, obviously different times). But now I have my boyfriend (my love) and I'm more happy than I've ever been. And all I did was stop looking, stop trying, stop setting myself up for heartache, and instead I just did what my heart and mind agreed on. I gave him my number and let things happen as they did. And they happened in a way I adore. I'm terrified of being single again, but I also have faith that this will stick, that we're meant to be. And, more than 5 months into it, I'd say we're doing damn fine. And I know he agrees. :)

Wow, I've felt the same, for most of my life.

"but I'm a romantic and an artist... that's a combination that tends to make one need some love."

Well, I believe that everyone *needs* love, but I think that combination makes one more aware of it, in tune with it. We are creative and imaginative beings. The more we imagine how wonderful life would be, with someone there, through it all, the more we yearn for it.

"If only there were more guys who thought like you do out there. Any woman who be lucky to have a guy who had thoughts on the subject like your own."

I'm one of them, and just like flyingwolf, was single up to the age of 25 (I mean, not a single gf, as much as I tried). And it's not that I'm an ugly duckling or anything (I've actually had, on more than one occasion, random gals yelling "You're so hot!" out on the street to me as I walked by), but just that I wanted a relationship based who I was on the inside, not based on my looks. It's hard finding someone with the, call it emotional perspicacity or intuitive intellect, who can see you for exactly who you really are. let alone love you for it.

But being a good guy by nature only results in people always telling me that they wished there were more guys like me, how rare I am, how lucky anyone would be to have me, etc. etc. And guess what? I'm still single.

It's easy to talk the talk, but takes guts to actually act on your word. ("Put your money where your mouth is", in a sense.)

I'm not saying you're just like a lot of other gals who tell guys that any woman (but them?) would be lucky to have them (trust me, I truly believe there's more to you), nor am I telling you what to do, but I am saying that life's about taking chances. I've known too many gals waiting for Mr. Perfect before committing to anything, that they are perpetually "single", despite having plenty of "friends with benefits" - which, to me, is the ultimate sacrilege, irreverence, violation and opprobrium toward Love. Anyway, those waiting for the right guy are still waiting - they don't realize that their OWN Love has any power - even less, power to change *any* guy into the right guy. (They just don't believe in (the power of) Love.) Instead, they rely on external control to try to force change in others, which results in pushing them away. Meanwhile, those of us who are already there, meaning, pretty close to perfect as far as being aware of Love and relationships, respect, consideration and how to treat others (or maybe more simply put, those who believe in (the power of) Love), are the ones rarely approached for a relationship. I attribute this to the lack of self-esteem of others, because they already know we're spiritually beyond them by light-years, and that scares them, because now they know that *they* are not good enough for *us* (those who are at least relatively pure of heart), and it's easier to settle for an unfulfilling, unsatisfying relationship, than to work on themselves, expose vulnerability and grow alongside someone else.

Seems like people don't go for quality, but superficiality.

Too many have given up on Love, when it's really the easiest, simplest thing in the world.

Hang in there.

It's like you plucked those very words from my own mind. You do know exactly what I'm talking about. If only there were more guys who thought like you do out there. Any woman who be lucky to have a guy who had thoughts on the subject like your own.

I know exactly what you are talking about. I am a guy and I am still single at the age of 25. I am shy and focussed my attention up to this point on my studies. But the lonelliness is killing me! I just wish that there were one girl that accepted and want me. Nobody seem to care or be interested. I am not after the one thing so many are after. I sometimes feel that I need someone to hold in my arms. Someone to tell that I love her. Someone who's hand I can hold while we sit and watch the sun set. Someone who's face I can touch. This feeling of not being able to do so leaves me very depressed and empty and I cry now and then. Sometimes I just want to scream from frustration. I just need someone to hold against my heart. I want to love and be loved.

Don't worry, Vexier, I wouldn't fall in love with the way someone treated me. I am a romantic. I'm in it for the person, not the actions. But, still, I want the person to have the actions. If they don't, thats fine. If they do, thats a bonus. And, marshfieldjman, I won't let someone just get into my pants. You all, I may be young, but I'm not stupid!! I learned from my mama.

I agree poetic i agree poetic that you'd like to be in a realtionship with but be careful because there are guys out there who say they love you but all they want is to get into your pants. I'm sure that when you least expect it you'll find that special someone.

Hey hon, I know what you mean. I have only had that type of a relationship with really terrible guys who also tried to threaten/pressure me into doing things I wasn't comfortable with. Make sure you don't let yourself get into that kind of relationship... basically, I'm just trying to warn you not to fall in love with the way somebody treats you--fall in love with a PERSON who treats you well.