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I Am Sick of Feeling Depressed

Isolated,lost Even With People. I Dont See Why I Should Stay Here...

By: dorkow
Written on April 24th, 2011
latley I have been going through a lot. Everything changes day by day but my feelings stay the same. I feel isolated and sad despite having amazing people around me. I do not feel in control of my life. I am getting lots of help for depression but i don't feel any different, i feel like a spectatot in life rather in control. Everything is a struggle even writing this right now. I am drowning in some ocean; can't breathe at all and i want to get to the surface but it seems impossible at the best of times. I'm no good at anything, th ethings i enjoyed i no longer enjoy, i feel everyone is against me i do not know who to turn to for help, i see a doctor regurarly and a conceler and a cbt woman to help me however i feel i might not be around long i feel as though i am only staying for other people. I hurt myself a few nights ago however i feel it was someone else in control cutting my wrist, in the morning i felt guilty and ashamed in myself i tried to stop so much at the time but i wanted to feel more alive and in control alothough i know it is not going to help much at all. Now i am hiding my cuts from people and it is difficult. I am sick of feeling depressed :( i just feel like sitting still and watching the world go by while sitting on top of a very tall building with fresh air surrounding me...
By: dorkow
Age: 18-21
493 people have read this story

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3 responses
  • aokigahara29
    aokigahara29

    You have something in you that you're keeping from everybody and you don't want to tell anyone because you're too scared if only you could tell someone about it maybe it will be a bit of a relief. Am I close?

    May 19, 2012
    1 like
  • phxcatgirl
    phxcatgirl

    I understand what you are going through. I too. feel that way. I have been felling that way for too many years to count. I have to keep changing my meds so that the bad thoughts in my head will go away but they are always just under the surface. I hate feeling loney in a room full of people. I hope that things have gotten better for you. I never tried to cut my wrists, I tried to eat alot of pills. I have contracts with my friends and I have to show accountability to them and call them if I feel the urge to check out of this world. Maybe you can look into that; a contract with a friend may be the best thing you can do.

    Jul 25, 2011
    1 like
  • mx15
    mx15

    I understand what you are going through, it happened to me when i was in college, i wasnt myself i was depressed and sometimes i felt like i was loosing it, but prayers helped me. If you have faith and believe just pray it will all go away. listen to cece winans pray song on Utube. I will pray for you too.

    Apr 25, 2011
    1 like