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I'm Sick of Myself

Wow talk about a continuous pity party i am having for myself. i am so SICK of me!! Here are a few things that right now i am FED up with, some of them i can control and other's unfortunately i can't but either way i'm just so sick of myself!!

1. i'm tired of the fact that EVERY morning, due to depression, i have to struggle just to get out of my bed!!

2. i'm sick of George Bush

3. i'm sick that even though i have tried many times to quit smoking, i keep failing

4. i'm sick of constantly getting migraines

5. i'm sick of the fact that i have let my home look like a dumpster

6. i'm sick of the fact that although i have spent the money on flowers i still haven't planted my garden

7. i'm sick to death about me wasting my energy over things i have no control of

8. i'm sick to death, because of my PATHETIC family, that while my father is currently dying, i have to check the obituaries daily, to see if he has died, as no one will talk to me at ALL, because i dared to speak the truth

9. i'm sick to death that on the rare occasions that i agree to do something, i rarely follow through

10. i'm sick to death that i am in so much debt

11. currently i am on disability, i have been trying to get a job in the career i had prior to staying at home with my kids and i can't

12. i am sick to death btwn the war of stay at home mom vs. working moms; damn can't we all just support each other in trying to be good parents

13. i'm sick of the weight that i have gained and my b/f telling me that i have a FANTASTIC body, most ppl. would probably like a b/f who doesn't slam your weight gain, but it feels to me like he is lying

14. i'm sick of the fact that because of my weight gain i am slipping into my old anorexic behaviors

15. i'm sick to death that my younger son's bedroom is such a nightmare that he can't feel comfortable even sleeping in his room and has for the last month slept on the couch on the main floor

16. i'm sick of having panic attacks DAILY

17. i hate the fact that i have to testify at my rapist's new sexual assault trial, i want to kill him and i never wanted to see his disgusting face again

18. i'm sick of the fact on the rare occasions that i do go out i pretend that i have the greatest life in the world

19. i'm sick that i haven't even done my bloody taxes yet

20. i'm sick to death that this list could go on and on, but i'll stop my pathetic whining now.

Have a GREAT day everyone!!

AlwaysRemembers AlwaysRemembers 41-45, F 4 Responses Jun 4, 2007

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i know how you feel, at this point in time i actually make myself physically ill when i think of all the things i've done. I am trying to change but i have so many skeletons in my closet it is insane. I'm in the process of turning over a new leaf to change my behavior, but that is not what im having the problem with; I'm having the hardest time accepting what I've done and moving past it. If anyone can help please dont hesitate.

You don't have to be perfect or anywhere near it. Making mistakes just shows that at least you are trying. Just keep modifying your behavior slightly and you'll grow. If God forgives us, why can't you forgive yourself?

I think you need to change everything in your life for better, you have to leave your pathetic life. I believe there are to main solutions, the first is to have new life, find new place live in. The second is to fix your problem and have some faith in God and in what he had given you. I hope I helped you by my point view.

Sometimes it just feels better to let it all out. I am sorry to hear about your father and the way your family is treating you. If they fail to do the right thing by you I am sure your father knows the love you feel for him.

*hugs* I can relate to a lot of what you have written there - your not alone. We all have to have a little pity for ourselves sometimes, I think anyway. I am having one of those days. I can't stop crying today, feeling sorry for myself - I feel like an idiot but it does feel good to let it all out. Try not to be too hard on yourself.