Doesn't Have to Bother Us

Interestingly enough, neither one bothers me that much.  I have come a long way since my marriage broke apart two years ago.  I have learned to love myself and value myself for who I am again.  I needed to go through this experience, I guess.  It was not easy.  There were days I was ready to throw in the towel for good, because I felt I failed in what was supposed to be the most important experience of my life.

I've come out okay.  At first I was very needy.  I tried hooking up with a couple women in the first year, but neither developed into anything more than an acquaintance.  In a way, it's best I did not jump into another relationship/romance/whatever, because it would not have been for good reasons.  After the initial intensity had worn off, I'd just been barren, empty, feeling inadequate and unworthy, because I had not dealt fully with the disappointment of a failed marriage. 

I'm so happy to say that I'm not desperate to hook up with someone.  It'll happen when it's supposed to.  I imagine the person I'll end up with will recognize the good qualities in me, things I probably don't even see myself.  She will be personally effected/influenced by them in a positive way. 

I hope other people in this group can feel positive about being both single and available.  They are not the end of the world.  It's better to be these than in a relationship that does not work, or one that is even worse (you can fill in the blanks yourself as to what's meant by that).  I've messaged some nice people in EP who are single.  Some are sad with their situation, while others seem okay about it. 

Too much emphasis is placed on love in our culture.  It's like a big machine that grinds away at our egos.  When we are not with someone, we end up feeling like there is something wrong, that we are failures, uninteresting, not bright enough, not pretty enough, not popular enough. 

I think that we can't learn to value being with someone who is special, who really cares for us and loves us for who we are, unless we can experience being single, too.  It is not always easy.  I don't want to think of being single in just a bad light, though.  If we take what we have at any given moment, whether we're single or not, and make the most of it, that gives it value.  We people who are single DO NOT have less value than someone in a relationship. 

Hi, everyone!  For now, I am going to celebrate being an EP Single.  (Damn!  How do I climb off this virtual soap box, anyway?)

UnderEli UnderEli
46-50, M
4 Responses May 7, 2009

Give yourself time to heal and to feel good about yourself again. Don't try to rush your recovery, either. It's been three months since I wrote that, and though I'm much better I still feel glum about this sometimes. You'll know when you're ready to climb onto your own soap box about this. Best of luck to you.

TY Eli, those were very TRUE and encouraging words,... im hurting because my hubby just walked out a week ago. Things were heading towards this for a long time. Im still in shock and soooo lonely!!! But ur words were so perfect at the perfect time! TY! I know i needed that!<br />
Ps.. I dont think u need to get off the soap box just yet....., I want to know how to climb up there with u!! LOL

Congratulations. I'm glad you feel that way. I was devastated with my marriage fell apart. I would have done nearly anything to try to patch things up. Sometimes people go too far to try to save what is a bad situation, because the fear of the alternative is too scary to imagine. It is not easy ending a relationship, especially one you've invested a lot in, as I did. Time was the best healer for me, and I'm glad I I've taken it now. I feel good pretty good about myself again.

I am on the same place you are now, and it feels so much better then being in a relationship that was hurting me inside and out.