I Need Advice From People In This Group- You Are In The Place I Want To Be

I'm 62 and my very long marriage ended about 3 yrs. ago. I have 2 daughters in their 20's whom I'm very close to. My marriage had a lot of problems, anger, emotional abuse, infidelity, disagreements about how to raise the kids...it got worse until it was intolerable. So I'm better off without him, but I guess I have some problems being happy. First I don't have enough of a social network of female and male friends to help me in the day to day struggle. I'm geographically distant from my family of origin, and am pretty much alienated from them anyway. Also, I would like some kind of relationship with a man- still feel attracted to them and think I'm getting a hopeless crush on someone a lot younger. After a long marriage where I was neglected and made to feel undesirable, I don't know why anyone would be interested in or attracted to me. I don't think I have much to offer. I've been too depressed to seem very exciting...How do I get happier with my situation?
TransitofVenus TransitofVenus
61-65, F
1 Response May 19, 2012

You have to recognize the fact that you have value and are an interesting and whole person on your own. Once you start to appreciate that and understand that your own company is worthwhile, you will be able to enjoy peaceful solitude without thinking of it as loneliness. And just remember all the upsides to being single. You get to be selfish, to do the things that make you happy, go where you want to go, feel how you want to feel, without asking someone else's permission or taking another person's feelings into account.
I think you mostly need to start seeing yourself as a complete and valuable person though, because if you were in an abusive marriage for a long time, you clearly valued the companionship over your own happiness even if you weren't thinking of it in those terms. Perhaps you need to re-evaluate your priorities based on what will make you most happy and not necessarily most comfortable.