Thinking Aloud About

I've been looking for the past few weeks. I've never purposely looked for a companion before. It's not as simple a process as I might have thought. People who are interested in me, are ruled out from my interest for one reason or another, and people I might be interested in getting to know, well, one seems too unreadable and that makes me insecure (I can't tell what the heck he wants, he might even want me to drop off the face of the earth but just too cowardly to turn down my advances), and others - well, I haven't really found any others who remotely interest me yet. I've only been casually open to the idea of finding some company of this nature for the past few weeks though.

I've been almost unbearably lonely, and I intend to ameliorate this problem. For it is a problem, since I'm distressed or uncomfortable being alone. It is natural that I seek company. I'm not looking for a lifemate. I'm not looking for perfection. I want someone for the short term, however long that might be, simply because I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want something serious or fantastic, just something comforting and honest and secure. Someone to cuddle with, do activities with, who's interested in my wellbeing, and who doesn't think I'm amazing but does think I'm better than nothing in the meantime, and respects & cares about me as a fellow human being. Someone in my area.

I'm not writing this story because I'm advertising to people here on EP, btw. I'm ruling out anyone not in my very own region, and most people not in my own city/neighbouring city. I'm only writing this because it's on my mind and I use EP as a journal of sorts, I suppose.

All I'm looking for is pretty simple. Around 24-28 years old, nonsmoker, not religious & doesn't believe in God, speaks English as a first language, at least as tall as I am, white, graduated high school, effective written communication skills (reading & writing), doesn't do other drugs at all, isn't a drinker except sometimes & only moderately, isn't married, doesn't have children, has a healthy attitude toward women, has plans for his life (i.e. has a job, has goals & ambitions of different sorts, knows what he wants and is working toward it, ... is proactively seeking personal growth & improvement in whatever way). Most of all, someone in this area.

My desire is to find someone I can feel reasonably secure & safe with, to cuddle with & hold hands with & talk to & interact with on a regular basis. To go out for coffee with, and wander aimlessly downtown window shopping while chatting and holding hands, to travel to to nearby big city and explore random cultural attractions / festivals / etc. Someone to play with! I want to play and be sweet. To accidentally get my feelings hurt because of some normal relational conflict, and make up, in a healthy way. To express myself artistically for someone else's benefit. To manipulate them in ways they'd be delighted with, and baffle them, and challenge them.

For goodness sake, I'm in the prime of my life right now (or just a little past, actually). I have some issues, some emotional baggage or habits of thinking which aren't exactly healthy... but we all do, don't we? And I'm often very good at working at it. I believe I'm doing pretty good and have something to offer someone who would meet my simple wants. I know there are people around. I'm just slowly getting into this search. It'll have to be IRL though, is the thing, and verbal communication - meeting people face-to-face to see if they might be dating material - isn't something I'm at all familiar with.

I'm rather laid-back about this though. Sometimes I feel painfully alone & desirous, but I'm relaxed. I'm just keeping an eye open and going out of my way to increase my exposure, which is a logical first step I believe.
Nyxii Nyxii
26-30, F
Sep 7, 2013