Still Conflicted

So I am 29 years old and have always been conflicted about being single. I have been single all my life, there have been times that I wanted to be single and wasn't interested at all in dating, there have been times I was literally desperately trying to find a girlfriend. I'm an INFJ so while I am not shy social interaction is naturally harder and more draining to me than it is for most others.

At this point I feel a ton of pressure though from so many angles to find someone. I don't mind being single but I have realized that I don't want to be single my entire life, I want someone to love, kiss, cuddle with, share interests with, protect, and just always be there for. I just have to keep the right frame of mind and not try to push it because I am feeling more pressure nowadays. My mom is okay with me never getting married but my dad absolutely wants it. It doesn't help that my sister is very traditional, she married young, almost immediately had 2 kids, and lives what I call A Leave it to Beaver lifestyle, complete with the white picket fence. Besides family pressure just the pressure is being close to 30. I'm still almost a year away but I know at this point I need to be figuring out where I want to go in life. I don't care about having my life completely perfect at 30 but it is hard with societal in every way pushing down your throat, "you're close to 30, you need to be settling down, married, having kids, buying a house, etc." and it makes it harder that part of me does want some of that but hasn't been successful so far.

I promised myself that I would never try to marry just to marry and I want to stick with that. One thing that will probably always hurt me is that I really don't want to have kids. I could compromise and maybe have 1 but I really want someone who will be my best friend (and me be one for her), I want to travel the world, share interests, and really grow as a person with her. I'm just not a kid person. But a relationship is something I want soon, I feel as if I have missed out on a very important aspect of life and more than anything, I want a relationship not even for myself but to share my interests and passions for another person and be there for that person. It's going to be hard because I have never been good communicating with women I like, I've never gotten beyond a second date. I don't really know what I'm doing, lol, so wish me luck!

Austin83 Austin83
2 Responses Jan 10, 2013

Wow, that is nearly how I feel. I am not sure I could be an adequate father having been raised in a dysfunctional household; if that were to happen, I know I would have to read a book on parenting techniques. I find it often hard to start a conversation and often find myself reclusive. I would want a relationship to be meaningful and not just to happen. Seeing others around me being/getting married gives this sense of longing within me (an old college friend who was extremely shy is now married). There have been points in my life where the possibility has arisen, but I did not seize it. I like being single at times not having responsibilities and more free time and money to spend on things I want. Best wishes on finding your one and only.

I'm feeling the same way. I want to share my life with someone, I don't want to be alone forever. I lay in bed at night wondering what is wrong with me.