I'm about to blow the hell up. How am I the bad person?

My (estranged husband) doesn't call our daughter, doesn't visit her, comes and gets her when he wants to see her. But I've made plans with friends to take our kids on a trip which so happens to be the same weekend as his cousins wedding. And I'm the bad guy cause I said she can't go. He's barely in her life since the separation.
BrittTHart BrittTHart
26-30, F
3 Responses Aug 22, 2014

child visitation agreement? he can not forcibly take your daughter from you.... I would consult a lawyer. or have him locked up for menacing.

I know how you feel. I have had my 12 year old for 7 years and mom would get her maybe 1 day a month and if she wanted her and I said no I was just awful for keeping her away.

I'm sorry your having so much trouble with your husband. Some people have no respect for others when it comes to seeing their children. I had a reverse situation with my ex-wife. I have always had my children on my days unless there is an emergency (in 6 years I have missed less then 5). My kids are older so they have lives and activities of their own. My policy has always been if the kids want to do these things on my time then they need to be arranged thru me as I'm their parent. So things like sleepovers are fine, indeed they have them often both away and at my apartment. School events are scheduled and I drop off, attend and pickup as needed, etc... The only excepting to this is church. We as a family for 15 years never attended church. For various reasons my ex-wife found religion around the time of our separation (she was having an affair with an Mormon elder for starters). For years she kept trying to schedule church events on my parenting time. I have them Wednesday night to Saturday night, every week, we only live about a mile from each other. We clashed over this for years, even in court. When told by the judge that my time was mine she finally stopped. We have a truce now and we have both become more flexible. She respects my time and ask me before scheduling and getting the girls hyped up for church events on my time and I allow them if they don't conflict with other events in our lives. It was a hard place to get to but we made it and someday you will too.

Good luck

Wow!!! At least you attempted to see your children. He lives about 45 mins away. He refuses to to listen to me when I bring up schedules. I've even tried to be nice and say if you want to get her on the weekend let me know by Wednesdays. He totally ignores me I even let him for the last two weeks make late arrangements for example he calls me on Fridays and says he wants to pick her up the next day. So I play the nice person and say ok that's cool with me. I've asked for a separation agreement but he has also refused.

You need the agreement. I don't know where you live or the laws there but I can't imagine you need his agreement to file for one. Then you can get child support and visitation in writing. That may prompt him to have structured visits or it may prompt him to stop trying altogether. It would be sad if he did the latter but it doesn't sound like he tries much now. At least you'd know what the schedule is then.

Why is it when I condemn men for not being dads and seeing their children women are surprise? Then when they find out how often I see my they are shocked? I understand it's not the norm but is it so odd I feel the same way about my kids as you do about yours?

Oh no I'm just happy their are men like you out there who actually want to see your kids. Sorry if I offended you.

It just so happen to be that since we separated he has yet made full attempts to see our daughter. It's mainly when he wants too. I've told him if he had custody of our daughter I would see her everyday and talk to her everyday.

It mind blowing because in one breath he will say our daughter means to him but makes no attempt. He tells my parents that I'm the reason why he won't see our daughter.

I'm not offended. I get that reaction all the time, not just on EP. I'm genuinely curious as it mostly comes from women.

Is he in another relationship? Some men seem to think it's acceptable to just start a new family if the first doesn't work out. I can't understand that either, but we had the number of children we wanted (plus one) then I got snipped. So it's not an option I can even relate to.

I have to admit there have been times I would go out of my way to avoid my ex-wife and vice versa, but never at the expense of seeing our children. I'm sorry if your relationship was deteriorated to that point. It's a hard place to come back from. We had to get mediation, it failed but taught us we could agree on little things. With time those grew into bigger agreements.

Good luck

don't allow it... stand firm.... but you need a court registered visitation agreement. alternating holidays birthdays vacations etc.

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