Singular Multitude.

Is a word I somehow associate more with the 45rpm records from my youth than with my marital- or co-habitat status.

Of course I AM single; meaning that I live on my own. Alone.
Alone but not lonely. Not most of the time.

Strange thing is that I have felt more lonely the past few months than I did in the previous 49 and a half years.
I think a lot of that has to do with having 'met' -primarily- this one particular woman and secondary having gotten in touch with quite a few really wonderful and worthwhile people here at EP.

I never have much contact with people anymore in 'real' life. Just when I go out shopping. My mom who lives across from me. But that's it. No social calls, no social life. No friends here in Antwerp even, just because I don't get out anymore.

Having no real friends here has also to do with my person. I don't make friends that easy. Actually, that's not true. I make friends very easy, but I'm not your typical friend.
A lot of the time, being someone's friend means you all of a sudden have to obide all these unwritten laws. You have to meet regulary, you have to make social calls, like, staying in touch and stuff, attending barbecues, go ******* fishing, whatnot...
But that's not me. I don't need to make a roster which says who when to call and when who to see... I'll come and see you or call you when I feel like it. And when you don't see me, that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about you, or that I hold a grudge against you. Nope. It simply means that I'm good where I am and that I don't need company.

But back to being single. I like women. And women like me. And although I like sex -a whole lot- I'm not someone who's prime directive is to get inside a woman's panties -provided she wears some.
No. For me to actually want to have sex with a woman, I first need to know her better. Which usually happens fairly quickly, me knowing her. Which is one of the main reasons why I'm still single.

Too many women out there; the ones you meet at bars or social events, are either married, are single but too desperate, or are single and are looking for someone who fits their predetermined mold.
Since I don't like to break-up perfectly good marriages, the first category is out of the question. Desperate women are often too outspoken and pushy to start something with -especially with my fairly low tolerance for ballyhoo and razzle-dazzle.
The third category makes me uncomfortable, because you're being made to feel like a potential prize bull in some cattle owner's breeding scheme. Besides and on top of that, I don't fit in any mold anyway. Sure, I'm kneadable, but I have the tendency to spring back to my original form when the kneader is trying to make me fit in a square which isn't to my liking.

I've been in relationships, sure. Steady ones and flings. Most short lived. In my earlier days, short lived because of my drinking. Or simply because I was being smothered. You see, I need my space. I'll give any woman her space, as long as I get mine too...

So, that's where I am right now. My space. Except that there's no woman around to share some of that space.
For the moment...

A good thing that I have myself to talk to. And that I get along with myself as well. Keeps me sane, in a way. I am alone but never alone because I have myself as company. May sound crazy -and maybe it is- but it's like my alter ego keeps me on the right track. Like, living singular, but in a kind of multitude.
Maybe I'm the only person in the world who has multiple personality disorder but of whom the multiple personalities know and like one another...
Okay. Maybe I should hop over to the pharmacy and get that medication after all...
jimmyrudyjump jimmyrudyjump
56-60, M
24 Responses Mar 30, 2011

You actually sound a lot like me. Especially about needing your space and being smothered easily. I've rarely dated anyone who didn't place demands on my time to the point that I lost interest in being around them at all. It's a rare quality to be able to appreciate being alone with yourself but I think people would be much healthier in general if they could learn how to do that. Well writ.

"being made to feel like a potential prize bull in some cattle owner's breeding scheme"<br />
<br />
That is a brilliant line! I'm always a fan.<br />
<br />
Yea, the space thing... in friendship or relationship it's a toughy

Nope, not worn down. Just sidetracked. Not difficult here on EP.<br />
And I'm acting alright, just not often the way official instances would like. But I'm learning, finally. A sign maybe I'm getting old, hehehe...<br />
Wome, I like 'em a lot. So much so I would like to live with a whole house full of them. Not so much for the sex (although it has of course to do with it) but just to look at them and to love an be loved.<br />
Although I must admit I found someone who I am ready to love and and will let love me...<br />
I never drank alcohol at home, for the same reason I never drank soda in a pub.<br />
Sure, I had the occasional beer or liquir at home, but very rare.<br />
last beer I had was from HUMO last year when the added a sixpack of that new Jupiler brand; Taurus. I still have the last one in the fridge after a year. That's how much of a drinker I still am, hehehe...<br />
Music I still use to let off steam. Some of the sounds and melodies go real deep, to the point of making me weep, because I can feel what lies behind it. Just like I've always been able to see the bigger picture while living its details...<br />
Sat on my porch in a second hand brandnew Ikea easy chair today, courtesy of the sun and the Kringwinkel in the Abdijstraat around the corner ; )

I don't have to integrate. Integration means no more fight and things will never change...<br />
I won't give in either. So, you can prepare that headstone for all I care. I'm gonna be cremated anyway :D<br />
There is no "trick" in integrating with the "main stream", because we are all part of it. It's called society. Can't be cast out of it, or you should die. Even when living in the margin of that society, you're still a part of it because you can't escape its laws.<br />
I'm not trying to convince others, because deep down people know that things aren't right, that sociaty needs a different take. But our current situation is such that it is impossible to make chages without getting in trouble as an individual, since everything is built around debt...<br />
And I do know I "know better", but it doesn't make me feel better than my peers. It only makes me sad that people disregard my (and their own) knowldge in favour of so-called safety. Nobody wants to rock the boat out of fear to be thrown out and stay adrift alone in a vast ocean. That's also one of the major tricks society plays on us all, to make us believe that we don't belong anymore when we have different ideas than the "mainstream"...<br />
And I'm not so sure about the "as humans in a world of humans" anymore either ; )

I love that you used the words "ballyhoo and razzle-dazzle" and that you have a" fairly low tolerance" for these. I also love that you said " have the tendency to spring back to my original form when the kneader is trying to make me fit in a square which isn't to my liking." I also tend to spring back to my original form when people are trying to fit me in their own box. <br />
<br />
As far as your multiple personalities I get that too. I know couple of mine. Some that is good some of that is not so good. But I do keep myself amused and I always have me to fall back on. And let's face it how lonely can you be when you are always talking to yourself?<br />
<br />
Singular Multitude - That is a great desc<x>ription of me

Hey Carpie... you seem to be in an apologetic mood all of a sudden... Don't. Those that are 'confused' by your wit should read some of your comments. And if they still don't get it, well, tough luck for them... ; )<br />
Your wit has no limits, at least, not as far as I can see, so, keep at it, please, you're doing fine, sistah : )

of course i saw your big hit!! and adored seeing you in action! ;)<br />
i'd like to hear you speak english! maybe next garbage can? :D

I do have friends, but they're in the town I grew up. I also do have friends in Antwerp, but I never get in touch and vice-versa. But it's something I don't miss. Or not often...

Hey sunni... I thought you already saw my 20 seconds claim to fame in my profile video? No? cool!! no, i really didn't see a hint of a reference to...uummm....bait....and stuff ;) **daydreams of jimmy's accent**

Awww sunni... : (<br />
<br />
Here's what I said with a translation underneath (you'll see some similarities):<br />
<br />
"And yes, in Antwerpen spreken de meeste Vlamingen Vlaams, alhoewel ik een geboren Brabander ben (Peutie, bij Vilvoorde) en 'pas' sinds 1990 in Antwerpen woon... oep 't Kiel : )" <br />
<br />
And yes, in Antwerp most Flemish people speak Flemish, although I'm a born Brabander (province of Brabant, famous for the big pulling horses), I come from a village Peutie near Vilvoorde and live in Antwerp since 1990 in the Kiel district...

*pouts* jimmy had to go speaking in tongues!! i'll bet he told the secret bait!<br />
seriously...glad wat1 stopped by. maybe you gave him a bit of what he needs to feel more comfortable. and granted, being alone and lonely is tough i'm sure. but possibly worse is NOT being alone...yet being lonely.

@Martin:<br />
I'm also restless, yes, but that has nothing to do with me feeling okay or not in my skin on my own. I am restless also because I sometimes feel I'm wasting my precious time in front of my computer screen because there's so much stuff to do "out there".<br />
But then I am again confronted with Mankind's stupidity and ingorance and right out lies and then I get discouraged and don't see the use of trying to do something...<br />
The restlessness also has naught to do with drinking. I guess the drinking was more a genetical predisposition to some form of addiction thanks to my social background and thanks to the fact that I got a rather rough treatment by my father (who suffered from severe Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome from being in gruesome bombardements in WWII) when I was a kid. Nowadays, they would call it child abuse/maltreatment. When I was a child they just called it "a beating"...<br />
<br />
And yes, in Antwerpen spreken de meeste Vlamingen Vlaams, alhoewel ik een geboren Brabander ben (Peutie, bij Vilvoorde) en 'pas' sinds 1990 in Antwerpen woon... oep 't Kiel : )

"Airing the baton" Jimmy that's PRICELESS! I will steal that one many, many times! :D

It involves activities which mean leaving the fishing rod unattended, while airing ones's own baton for more pleasurable purposes...<br />
After all, anything that lives needs to breathe once in a while :D

Jimmy, on one hand it's awesome that you recognize and respect who you really are but on the other it breaks my heart that you don't have that one special person beside you just yet. You always come across as so stable and really solid. You just need to find that person who isn't interested in "molding" you into a new design but sees you as the treasure you are....Just the way you are....Because you are... :)<br />
<br />
p.s.------ what "bait" do you use when "******* fishing?" lol...I HAD to ask!

i'm beginning to think jimmy could give some REAL fishing lessons! O-O you ARE one of those i was warned about! >.><br />
<br />
seriously...alone but not lonely. i can understand that. {{you}}

It's something which could seriously endanger your chastity... *grin*

i wanna know what ******* fishing is? :P

A lot of the time, being someone's friend means you all of a sudden have to obide all these unwritten laws. You have to meet regulary, you have to make social calls, like, staying in touch and stuff, attending barbecues, go ******* fishing, whatnot...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Priceless,<br />
<br />
Priceless, are you friend, what did I do with my Woobie? I meant to leave her here,..right here on this page.........she reminds me so much of you. Hmmmmm? anywho~

I certainly get how and why you like being on your own. Maybe it is because I have such a busy schedule with work and sport and a thousand other things that when I do get the very rare day when I have nothing on, I am just happy being on my own. I love books so even if I am by myself, I am never lonely. I think we all go through phases where we need to be surrounded by others .. for some, this is a very LONG phase but for others like me, sometimes people are just "too much" and you crave the beauty of stillness.

It's odd that you mention about 'friends' that "they were never there when I needed them"... Odd, because I just now realized that I've never needed friends to vent or to have some company in an hour of need...<br />
I've always gotten out of my emotional tangles on my own. And not because of feeling that I shouldn't bother other folk with my problems... It just never occurred (and occurs) to me to do that...<br />
I have on the contrary often been there for friends and aquaintances, and still am. Doesn't bother me either to be there for some people...<br />
Anyway, thanks for the reply, FeasabilityStudy : )