At age 44, I find myself single. I say that with a bit of sadness only because when I got married I was sure that I was marrying for life. However, it is liberating to feel that I am no longer responsible for someone else's happiness or unhappiness (depending on how you look at it. ) In the beginning, I was attending every party and social gathering I was invited to. Then I was out going to happy hour and out to dinner with my friends every other night. It was exhausting living my life as a newly single woman. I felt a new sense of duty to be more social and available to meet new people. Naturally, I burned out. I opted to stay at home for quite awhile. When I re-emerged, I did it alone. I was going out to dinner and doing things by myself. I'm not lacking for people to socialize with. I just wanted to get out and do what I wanted when I wanted without having to consult with anyone. It was great for awhile but it got lonely. Part of me thought that if I went out doing things and going places that I liked, maybe by chance I would meet someone doing the same. One afternooon, I made an impuisive decision to join an online dating website. I didn't think, I just did it. I went on a few dates. They were all nice gentlemen but all of them were on the fast track to find their soulmate. I simply wanted to find someone to be a good friend and companion. Realizing that I'm not ready for online dating I cancelled my account. When it comes to love, I have never found it when I made it my mission to look for it. Love always managed to find me when I wasn't looking. I know ultimately I want to be in another committed relationship. The thing is I'm not the type of person that likes to leave things to chance. If there's something that I can do to make it work in my favor, I seek out a way to do it. On the other hand, I don't want to rush or jump into any relationship just so I can be part of a couple. So for now, I'm just taking a step back to see to how I can balance my life better as a single woman and mother. .