For The First Time In A Long Time

It has been four years, give or take, since I have been completely single; without interest in having a significant other. For far too long I have been dependent on another person to fulfill me--to keep me from being lonely, to have someone to talk to. It was only recently that I found that it was not making me happy, it had the opposite effect, actually. I was miserable, because I was trying so hard to make an unsuccessful relationship work--I was making myself unhappy to ensure that he was happy with me. Over the last four or five months I have been making some drastic changes in my life, things that have been progressively changing it for the better. I started on medication for my clinical depression, something I have been dealing with for nearly a decade now. It brought the real me back out and pushed the depression into the shadows. I also started talk therapy, which has allowed me to talk my issues out, giving me tools to deal with what happens in my life that I used to be unable to handle. After some time of making these changes for myself, I realized that there was one more change that I needed, but was not allowing myself. I needed to end my unsuccessful relationship and I wanted to prove to myself that I did not need someone to complete my life.

I am single now, which feels insanely awesome, especially since this time it's not due to guilt or emotional entanglement with another man. I am happy to be alone.
SoulSucker SoulSucker
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 19, 2012

Well done, making changes in your life is hard. There are a few I need to make and I just keep putting them off may be 2012 will be my leap of faith year. I can only hope. It does look set to be a hard year emotionally which won't be easy but I have got through hard years before I will do it again and hope to come out the other side in 2013 a better person.

All you can do is live your life for yourself. :) Good luck, sweetie.