And So It Goes

Never married, no kids. I swear I'm beginning to feel like I'm the only woman left on the planet in this state !! I'll admit in the past, I have felt the "need" or "pressure" to be married with children, but as I age.. I don't know that that's quite so true anymore. Maybe I'm just more comfortable with the fact I don't meet these "requirements" ? Who knows.
One thing I can tell you about not having children at my age is that, as I've gotten older I've realized there are MANY ways to be a mother. You do not have to give birth to have this privilege and yes, I do believe it is a Privilege not to be taken lightly. You can adopt of course. You can Foster children - so many children & teens of all ages need someone to care for them due to no circumstances of their own! You can even babysit. This is not conventionally thought of as mothering I know, but it IS mothering none the less! You're responsible for that person's child when they're away - what the child sees, hears, learns & takes away from that time with you Does affect them! Even if it is for a short period of time - children's minds really are like Sponges & absorb Everything in their path.. please remember this the next time you're in charge of someone's child.. or even your own.
Keeping along that same vein - even being an aunt, cousin, grandma are all mothering, in their own way. Being responsible for someone else's child puts you in that role for the duration they are with you of course. But you must also realize that if you're in a child's life in any way, shape or form - you're helping shape the person they become! :D
I mention cousins because I babysat my 1st cousins once removed for about a year for several hours after they got home from school, until their mother got off work. The things I found out they learned as a result of their time with me, simply ASTOUNDED me !! To this day, I'm amazed :D And SO cute to see & hear them put those things into action, like simply turning the lights off when they left a room! Sufficed to say, they did not do this upon my entering their lives on such a regular basis ;) 

Anyway, as for the not married part at my age.. I lived a very sheltered life growing up. Hell, we didn't even get cable til I was 19 ;) Truth be told, I lived with & to a certain degree, took care of my mother until her death when I was 31. After that, I lived with my sister to cut expenses incurred upon my mother's passing. I have only lived alone for three out of my 37 years! That ain't much, people! lol
I'm gonna reveal something here that may or may not come back to haunt me - to say that my dating experience is limited would be the understatement of the year! Any other experience with men in general is also very limited. But now my Sexual experience with them, which may be all any of you are really interested in.. well for that you'll have to message me privately ;) lol
Here's my bottom line to sharing this last tidbit with you - I have not truly Lived yet! It is selfish of me I know, but I'm not married in part because I'm simply not READY to be married !! And as much as I might wish for a baby of my own, to experience pregnancy & birth & all that goes along with it.. I'm not ready to be a mother either. If the time comes when I am ready & a child is not possible that way - I WILL be using one, if not all of the above mentioned alternatives to be the mother that I know I can be, if given the opportunity to have that very Special privilege.
This sounds SO silly to say at my age, but I just wanna have fun, ok? I don't wish to be married right now. Heck, maybe I never will. Maybe that could somehow change down the road.. ?
Oh who am I kidding - that last part's a bunch a Hog Wash !! I will always wish for marriage, it's my nature. I can honestly say - I don't like living alone. I'm not someone who does well on their own, but there it is. The reality of the situation is that my sister & I CAN NOT live together & I don't think I'd make a very good roommate, nor am i anxious to tread that path considering all the horror stories I've heard :/

My journey's not done. I'm simply not done with ME yet. It is a cliche, but if you don't know, love & respect yourself - how can you expect anyone else to either? It is true, as I have found out the hard way. You know, maybe I'll not finish before I run out of time here on Earth? it's possible I won't get my sh** together before then. I believe you CAN miss your "destiny", your soul mate if you deviate too far from your path. But that doesn't mean you should EVER stop trying to find it again. Keep that in mind the next time you feel lost, as I try to remind myself Constantly!

Something else to keep in mind, I do believe we live after this, that marriage, family & friendships do NOT end here. It may not continue in a way we are familiar nor comfortable with now, but it does go on. Geez, part of that Titanic theme song by Celine Dion just Popped in my head, unbidden - "the heart does go on & on" :P Sorry about that.. especially if you've now got it stuck in your head too after reading this :) Whether you care for the movie, the true story or her, you have to admit - it is a truly Beautiful song. And one to keep in mind when you are feeling sad at the loss of a loved one, I think.

So, to wrap up my tale of woe up ;) Not really I don't think, not so much a tale of woe necessarily :) I'll admit the thought of never finding that person who is right for me & having a family of some kind with them is at once, sad & depressing to me. However, there are many other ways to enjoy life while you learn & grow here on Earth. And many ways to brighten & enhance the lives of Others while you are here. Maybe that's what you were meant for & he, along with the children you were meant to have, will be waiting for you when your job here is done? I don't know. I just know you have to have Faith & hope. As long as you have the one, the other is easy.

Well, that.. and take one day at a time, honey :*
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8 Responses May 6, 2012

Add me dear !

Every person looks to the state that there is no attic examples and puts himself in the shell closed end of the story ...
Made all what I read was an internal struggle, but you arrive to faith and hope is to solve anything

you obviously have a good heart , and that can be very attractive , yes you have had a few years go by , however you will be more mature now in your decision making than years ago ,many women your age are in bad marriages ,with feckless husbands and partners ,with children to bring up on low incomes . the world is now your oyster . I say go and do all that you desire , and taste life to the full ,im sure you have many years ahead .......regards sat.

Wow that is an intresting story. Please add me. We have a lot in common.

wow!! just come back from work and reading through your story..To start with, i couldn't belief there is a woman like you out there anymore. You are awesome beyond desc<x>ription, your meticulous view of life, love and family in general are my honest reasons for hanging on. I'm mesmerized with your mature views of motherhood, marriage, determination and strength bearing in mind the law of nature and the power of destiny. Hey you blown me away and you've just doubly inspired me :) Please can i be your friend?

You have shared a very poignant personal story where you have spoken candidly and honestly about your concerns and aspirations. I especially liked what you had to say regarding motherhood and caring for children. In the event you eventually do become a mother, whatever route you take to get there, I have little doubt you'd be a damn good one considering how seriously you take the responsibility. But whether or not you have any children, it certainly looks like you are going to make up for lost time in any number of ways and will probably have a richer and more fulfilling life than you otherwise would have. I'm sure you'll find a good person to marry when you are ready, someone who will appreciate you and love you dearly. You seem like such a nice woman with a great big heart and a beautiful soul. God bless you.

You're welcome. I'm glad we're friends.

Enjoyed your honesty, insights. There are alternatives to motherhood (or fatherhood) that are fulfilling as you say. These can enrich our lives and the lives of others.<br />
Also, sounds like you gave great deal of your heart and energies to your mom. Probably felt like a burden at times, and at times an honor. But you did give to another. Counts for a lot.<br />
Being single? Well, I sure like it. I don't feel the ambivalence you do. But I'm a man and I've found that men and women (duh) are quite different emotionally in some ways.

Very nice comments. I admire you. Enjoy what you have before you and just keep living each day. I believe it and I admire your philosophy, and honesty.

You are very welcome. Let me know how it's going once in awhile!

There is no such thing as a pathetic existence! But I'll check up on you from time to time