Resingled...and Content

I am about to turn 49 and was "resingled" somewhat traumatically at 45.  I wasn't crazy about it at the time, but in short order began to realize that I'd been in a seriously abusive relationship for 14 years and that a lot of what I was experiencing was a peculiar sort of withdrawal.

I won't say it went away overnight, and I'm still not crazy about the living situation I remain in or the fact that the housemate essentially stole my home from me.  But I've come to enjoy being able to choose solitude when I want.  I have many friends and no longer have someone living over my shoulder deciding who I can and cannot associate with.  I do not miss her monthly trips to psychiatric hospitals, which generally began with some manufactured drama and often ended with police in the house.  Nor do I miss orchestrated freakouts which began with pretenses that included setting my shoes on the floor, putting a towel on the bathroom rack crookedly, and leaving a store receipt on the seat of the car.  I like not having to worry about keeping my living space in a condition dictated by an obsessive-compulsive cleaner (I never could manage it anyway), being able to come and go without being accused of some ulterior motive, and I LOVE not having to listen to loud New Age music being played on repeat for 5-6 hours at a time.

Now, I'm a guy, though I've always done my best to be considerate  and respectful and to not do some of the more notorious "guy things".  But you know what?  Now that I live alone, it's so nice, so very nice, to just once in a while....leave the toilet seat up.
johngalt45 johngalt45
46-50, M
2 Responses May 9, 2012

Every relationship has its quirks but as someone who grew up in an abusive household, my friends often wonder why I am single and still have not married. Being single is wonderful if you enjoy your solitude and after growing up with a controlling mother and constant interference in my life. The wounds of abuse are a hard wall to bring down. You don't want to open up and get hurt again. I completely sympathize with your choice for 'freedom'.

Freedom - "Priceless" as mastercard would say!