Not Used To Single

I have been in a relationship since I was 14, for about 6-7 years I was with that same guy, mind you, our relationship was awful, he was controlling and abusive and I am glad I am out of it, but being in that type of relationship for so long left me so emotionally messed up. I felt I needed a man, I am confused, I feel like I can't live without a man. I had found a good man but he left me and although he was great, him leaving me makes me feel abandoned and like I can't trust anyone.

Being single is so new to me, I literally had to google how to be single, I was desperate and didn't know what to do with my time. I admit, it's a but easier now,  I don't have to worry about anyone but me and I am learning a lot about myself, conquering some fears and growing as a woman, but I still feel the need for a man in my life. I am one of those people who like having to worry about others over myself. I need to learn how to be selfish, how to help myself. I love myself now and I know my worth. I have come a far way and I am proud of myself, but being single is still new and scary. Sometimes I am afraid I will never find anyone again, but I know I am worth it and when I am in the right place it will all fall into place.

I hope I can enjoy being single more and take it as a gift and not a curse, no, I don't want to be single forever, but I can be single for now. I'm still hung up on my last ex, I still love him (the good guy, not the abusive one) and maybe I hope that one day he comes back, when he loves himself enough to love another person.

For now I need to be single, I need to learn to make it on my own. I hope things work out in the end, and as long as I keep trying, they have to.
be2cute be2cute
22-25, F
2 Responses May 18, 2012

He doesn't have to be like his dad

He left due to his low self esteem?

Well he said he was leaving because he isn't a good enough boyfriend and he leaves just like his dad (his dad left when he was little) he also has problems communicating emotions and I dunno, all I know is I was an awesome girlfriend and he had no good reason to leave

Maybe he did feel that way or could be an excuse