Things You Should Never Say To Someone Who’s Single

I just discovered a blog called "Single Dad Laughing". He's brilliant. I thought I'd share one of his posts about the dumb things people say when you tell them you're single... I laughed so hard when I read it I had tears in my eyes.

  • So, why are you single?
    Ummm, maybe because I don’t shower and I hate puppies.

  • Just have fun with it!
    Thank you. You’ve just solved all my problems. I was purposefully NOT having fun with it.

  • Have you tried online dating? didn’t work so I guess my next move is Craigslist.

  • It just wasn’t meant to be.
    Thank you. I’ve been hoping to find somebody who knows the complete plans of the universe. So tell me, all knowing, who IS meant to be?

  • It will happen when you least expect it.
    How can I expect it less than never?

  • There are plenty of fish in the sea.
    Thank you for rubbing my nose in my inability to get any of them.

  • You’re just too picky.
    So, you’re saying I should settle?

  • Are you kidding? I wish I was single and in your shoes.
    Poor baby.

  • You’re so attractive! What seems to be the problem?
    How do I answer this without making you or me look like a jerk?

  • Maybe you’re not trying hard enough.
    Oooooh. That must be it. I think what you’re really saying is that I’m not easy enough.

  • He just hasn’t found you yet.
    Oh, well, then I guess I’ll stop looking and wait for him to come to me!

  • When are you going to get married?
    When are you going to let me kick you in the teeth?

  • There are so many great guys/girls out there.
    So, are you saying that I’m not one of them since they’re so readily abundant and I’m still alone?

  • You have such a pretty face, I bet if you lost weight you could find a man!
    And I bet if you gained weight you’d be mistaken for a Manatee.

  • I’m sorry.
    For what? Making me feel like a piece of crap?

  • You’ll be complete some day.
    Yes, because I’m so incomplete now. Thank you.

  • You’ll always be single until you fix yourself up.
    Meaning… I have to be someone other than me?

  • At least you don’t have any responsibilities.
    At least you don’t have any tact.

  • You’re not getting any younger!
    And you’re not getting anything in my will. 

  • Oh, you’re the unmarried one.
    Oh, you’re the one with a ridiculously large forehead. 

  • Are you gay?
    If I told you I was, would you get off my back?

  • Good luck, all the good ones are either taken, gay, or still attached to their mothers’ breasts.
    First of all, that doesn’t make any sense. Second of all, huh?

  • It must be so nice to be single.
    It must be so nice to be stupid.

  • You know, your biological clock is ticking.
    Thank you for the reminder. So is yours, which means a drop kick to your face won’t heal as quickly.

  • Come on over…you won’t be a third wheel!
    Well, I wasn’t going to feel that way before, but now…

  • Beggars can’t be choosers.
    So, I’m officially at beggar status. Please sir… can you spare a girlfriend for a guy down on his luck?

  • It’s going to be hard to find a man who wants an instant family.
    It’s going to be hard to find your contact lenses after I punch you in the face.

  • Your self confidence scares guys off.
    I think you’re onto something. I’ll start acting like a pushover doormat. That’ll bring me the right kind of guy.

Full blog at:
DancingFox DancingFox
31-35, F
22 Responses Oct 16, 2012

My 2 favorites.
It will happen when you least expect it.
How can I expect it less than never?

There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Thank you for rubbing my nose in my inability to get any of them.

HAHAHA... This made me laugh so hard :D

Holy crap I have heard all of them at one time. My younger brother - by eight years- is almost engaged and someone goes " Aren't you embarrassed that he is getting married before you?" Uh how do you respond to THAT/ Geeeeez.

Oh man the why are you still single line ... blah

I hate that. Same over here.

"It's a competition? I didn't know! Quick, someone, ANYone, will you marry me?!"

That is beyond funny and I really get the last one about too much self confidence. What kind a a** hole says that?! Thank you very much. I didn't expect to find that kind of thing in this group.

haha thanks great stuff!

Brilliant!!! I loved the teeth comment, thank you :D :D :D

Thanks for sharing. Loved this. :) New to this and it gave me a laugh.

Glad I made you smile.

Love it!!! Thanks..I have heard most of them..It is really interesting that marrieds feel okay about commenting on my love life, but if I asked a question about their marriage, this is considered rude. I actually stop caring and rarely think of myself as a status..its much better that way..I have noticed a serious decline in odd comments now that I am totally okay with my life as is.

I am OK with my life as well. I spent a long time waiting for a guy to rescue me from being depressed... wrong move. I have dated guys because I thought they might be my last chance - again, wrong move. It took me a while to realise that only I can make myself happy, and that I don't "need" someone to complete me or something.
Now, dont get me wrong: meeting someone would be lovely, but I won't settle for second best :) I'm happier single than if I was with the wrong person!

I am perpetually single and have heard almost every single thing on this list. I wish I was clever enough (or brave enough) to respond in this way.

Same here. I don't have the guts to say out loud the things I think.

Im single it be fun to hangout whit your funny lol

Learn to spell, that'd be a start.


Yes, that was petty and mean. I would prefer a bad speller over a bad lover any day.

I AM petty and mean.

Are you still single? Lol

2 More Responses

Thats awesome hahah

This is great! Now I have ideas to respond in case someone does say these things to me XD

Haha I've heard most of these over the years.

Luv it. cool

Thank you for sharing. Those were great and I can totally relate to all of them. :) Very funny and I had people say many of those same one to me. It can be depressing so it nice to laugh instead. :)


Some brilliant responses. I can relate :(

that was great. U made me smile

All credit to Single Dad Laughing, the guy who originally wrote this! Check out his blog.

i love this post. I am single and the question that i hear the most is When are you going to get married?

My family are trying to match me up with local single men - bearing in mind there is usually a VERY GOOD reason those locals are still single (ranging from having only one bath a week, to having an IQ in single figures...)

LOL ... I have actually never thought of it before (the bath thing) ... but this post has brought this SERIOUS Matter to my attention. BTW Best of luck... :)

My philosophy is: being with the wrong guy is HELL. At least, being single I'm free to do as I pleased, I have time to do the things I want... or to be lazy. So, the guy who's going to make me "no longer single" should really be worth it... or else, I don't want to know.

I understand and I have the same philosophy. Unfortunately, my family doesn't seem to understand it. In fact, some of my married cousins (who are not happy in their married life) often advise me to get married. They don't know how to say it nicely. What i get to hear from them is " You should get married now" I am only 26 years old ... I just hate it when I hear people say that I should get married now it is just like they know better than me what i need or they are here to decide what i should do with my life. I will check that post.

OMG 26? You've got plenty of time, you're still young! Tell them to mind their own frikkin's business! lol

i already told hee hee... but still they keep trying..

My dad kept saying the same thing, 'whenareyougettingmarriedwhenareyougettingmarriedwhenareyougettingmarried' I was like, 'well, guys don't fall from the sky, and want to get married instantly', seriously, don't presure yourself, just because other people want you to get married. For everything there is a right time.

so true... right men are not sold in the market. It takes time to find the right one...

6 More Responses

haha i love it all those things would **** me too if i was single although saying that i may be single sooner than first hoped haha. i must admit ive never felt the need to say any of that stuff. what i have said is hey your single im single we should hit the town or lets go dancing because that fixes all lifes problems.. till the end of the song... but these only said to friends everyone else i just ignore that they are single

This is awesome!

All credit goes to Single Dad Laughing and the people who shared their experiences with him!

Well great.. so now what am I supped to say to single people?

So I can call you guys crazy too?

I second Gigi's comment... just talk to them normally.

You know it is not like I haven't been single too in my life. I still got a few years on you kid. So I'll just say, being single ain't so bad. I mean you could be single and have inoperable brain cancer too.

LOL! Thanks for those pearls of wisdom. To be fair, I'd rather be single than with the wrong guy - sounds cliché, but I have been with the wrong guy more than once, and it simply isn't worh it!

1 More Response