How Much It Hurts..

I assume there are some people out there like me, not 100% me but people who may be able to relate with my experience here. When people ask you when they may first meet you, what is your dream boy or girl? I know pretty much what mine is. I have met my dream girl(s). There were two girls I ever met that I can as of now call my dream girls. They had everything I loved in a women and then more after that.

They were Heather and Maggie. I met Heather when I was a freshman and she was too. about a 5'3'' Blonde hair blue eyed freshman girl, sort of preppy she cheer leaded and played softball then later began poll vaulting. She is one of the sweetest girls I have ever met. My luck with her never ever panned out. She was in a relationship from the moment I met her a bit over a year when I had met her and it progressed, as well as my feelings for her. My feelings never depreciated for her. I used to get slight signals from her here and there from her smiling at me saying my name with extra happiness behind it and working with me in class. I built up the nerve one day to ask for her number, during the class and she looked at me confused that I wanted it and I said I would love to talk to you more, so she gave me it. At first hearing the digits I thought it may have been fake, but I did end up texting her a couple days later and sure enough it was real =) I got really close to dating one time, her and her boyfriend went on a break for a while and I asked her if she would go with me to our Fun-festival and she said yes... my mind was blown and day was made. I thought things were working out for me for the first time ever.

A week or so went by and I spoke to her about it, but she said, Jaymz I shouldn't have said yes to you, I'm not thoroughly over my boyfriend I really want to go but It wouldn't be fair to you" I said I understand and accepted that, my luck was running out. I saw her at the festival with her best friend and we waved, she called me after it ended and asked how my night was and we spoke for maybe 5 minutes because she felt bad and wanted to know if I still had fun. I had never felt a girl make my heart beat the way it does when it comes to Heather. Two weeks later I texted her and began to flirt with her and she said "Jaymz I'm really sorry for this but my boyfriend and I have gotten back together" I said alright and felt like I just hit the wall. I'd never felt such a deflating feeling until that. I continue to speak to her today always complimenting her and recalling things. I remember lots about her that I don't expect her to remember about me, because she has a boyfriend. I also will never forget the look on her face when I bought her a Christmas present last year. She looked at the gift and then looked at me with total shock, I wanted to hug her so bad but felt like my body would have collapsed because that feeling holding her would melt me. Limb by limb bone by bone and my cold heart.

Next year came around and I still had developed the feeling of love toward Heather and I still did even when the one day I sat in study Hall 10th grade year and this girl named Maggie walked through the door way. My question to you... the reader... "have you ever met someone who you instantly felt was going to be important to you?". Maggie hit me like a ton of bricks, It was hard taking my eyes and thoughts off her. She sat down across the room directly in front of me. Another blonde, I'd never seen bluer eyes in my life, anout 5'3'' too. I started to shake I didn't know what to do. I didn't know her, but I waved to her because she had a different look on her face, then she looked up and tilted her head as to say "What"? I waved again with a smile on my face and she looked at me and waved back with an indifferent look on her face. Boy did I feel like a douche bag... haha... She didn't know what to think. It took a while for me to actually say something to her but we continued to wave to each other here and there he still being puzzled by it. Until I complimented her in the stairwell saying she looked terribly pretty, she turned around and said that's very sweet and smiled before continuing back up the stairs.

After that I felt different feelings the same toward Heather that when my pen hit paper a poem formed for Maggie, I built up the nerve to give it to her when I saw her at her locker and said "I had lots on my mind and I wrote something for you, I hope you don't mind" She took it and said thank you with a smile haha, In study hall I asked her what she thought and she said it was incredibly sweet.After hearing that I proceeded to write several more things. A couple times she wrote me notes as to how stunned she was to the feelings she had evoked into me. I let her read though my notebook of all the different entries I created. She wrote in it and commented. She was another one of the taken girls I never got a chance with. Maggie is the first girl who I ever wrote a Happy Birthday poem for, it was the best thing I had ever written. I sent it to her 2 years ago on her birthday Oct. 27th and she was lost for words, she thought it was the sweetest thing she had ever read.

Girls whether they know or not have a way to take your heart and make us do some crazy things, all for simple appreciation. =)
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1 Response Oct 31, 2012

Things don`t always work out the way we want them too. Work on you & love will find you. It may take a long time, but trust me, it will be worth it. Have your heart broken 20 times or be lonely for 20 years and one day find the perfect woman who loves you completely? My grandma got married a 4th time at the age of 68. It`s been 5 years and they are so happy and great for each other. Keep your head up. And, if you ever need to talk - believe me I`ve been there and back.