Complicated.

This word seems to sum up anything to do with me, and certainly, it has a lot to do with why I have pretty rarely ever -not- been single. I've been thinking about all of this more lately though. Over the past 3 years, I've rarely ventured outside my house for anything social aside from church and even there, I wasn't exactly very sociable.

Then 3 months ago, I started a new job. I'd been a single, stay at home mom after my youngest was born and she was nearing two years old so I felt it was time to get back into the work force and start making a brighter future for us. My parents (extremely, possibly overly and unrealistically "traditional") did not support this choice but they've adjusted to the changes so things are going well on that end.

However..

It just so happens that I work at a bank. In this particular bank, there are several women over the age of 55. I guess I would probably stand out even in a room with younger women but I am especially noticeable when almost everyone else is old enough to be my mother. The thing is, being the young, "pretty", single girl in a bank full of older women is like living in a town full of matchmakers. Anytime a single guy walks in that they think would be suitable for me in some way, shape or form, they're on it like white on rice.

But then there's the other dynamic. Single men (and some not so single men) have taken interest in me as well and already, it's caused some issues. I think I wrote about it in another story recently but essentially, some men don't like to take no for an answer and I'm leery of dating anyone who is a customer for what I'm sure are fairly obvious reasons.

So in a nutshell, every single day I go to work, my single status is a point of interest to more than one person in multiple ways. The older ladies have all but made me feel like I'm an old maid that should be married off as quickly as possible to the highest bidder and they seem to think that there's something very wrong with me if I don't happen to agree. And the men who take interest in me don't understand that even if in any other setting, I may welcome the attention, at work, it just feels uncomfortable.

Then there's the "me" factor. I'm one of those people who fantasizes about the right man for me. Not Mr. "Perfect", mind you.. but Mr. "Right". The older I've gotten, I've learned through trial and error what it would take for someone to fit comfortably into my world and that of my kids and the playing field is very narrow at this point. I may not have met the right guy for me but it is painfully clear to me when I meet the wrong one and I'm very quick to walk away from anyone who fits that description. I don't waste my time trying to force a square peg into a circle.

In the occasional strange twist of fate, I will meet someone who measures up to what I'm looking for. They're kind, gentle, thoughtful, attentive, strong and intelligent. They don't feel threatened by my looks and brains, they aren't jealous and they respect the fact that I have kids who come first. All seems well for a little while and then bam, out of left field, my little bubble gets popped and I'm forced to either get stuck fighting to keep a relationship that fate seems to disagree with or being forced to let go of the whole thing altogether and choose my peace above all else. I've chosen the fight before but it was never worth it so really, the choice is clear these days. You can't put a price on peace.

Sometimes, it doesn't seem fair. I realize that life's not fair in general, but when I look around me everyday and see couples of all ages somehow making it work, I can't help but feel either hopelessly defective, or cursed with bad luck. As much attention as I attract from the opposite sex, as many women that have hated me because they viewed me as a threat to them, as much drama as I've had to put up with due to jealousy, one would think I could have found someone right for me by this point, but so far, that just isn't the case.

And strangely, after all of this, I still don't feel lonely. More than anything, I just feel.. confused.
Intelligently Intelligently
31-35, F
4 Responses Dec 1, 2012

I would truly cut off my arm with a hack saw to have the incredible amount if opportunities to meet someone that you have. That by itself, all the rest aside, is enough for why I'm alone and bewildered how to even meet anyone.

hmmm... hope u find the right guy..u just need to look in the right place ....

I once heard something that left me with the impression along the lines that if a woman's husband isn't submitted to his Creator, she's a trophy of his.

In my personal case, I've let God be my match-maker. I believe He's given me a peace about that.

It used to be more bothersome to me as I felt I was getting older and still single, but instead of trying to 'steer' this area of my life I've left it in His hands. I believe one day I'll find the right person He has for me and the timing will be better then.

What I'm about to say may seem more expressive than it appears:

Sigh... ;)

We live in a world today where, due to the increase in the lack of a proper code for men as well as women, finding the right person for you who fits the traits you most wish for is difficult indeed. However dont lose hope, one day you will find Mr Right and if you dont, then does that really matter? You have built for yourself, a life of peace and happiness and are suceeding where most women would fail at being a single mother while managing a job. You already have everything you need with you right now, the right man would merely be a gift and is not a necessisty for you. At least that is my view on the matter :)

I hope that you never lower your standards, there is no reason for you to lower your standards just because the majority of men you meet dont fit into them, why deal with Mr Wrong or Mr Semi-Right when Mr Right could be right round the corner. And if i might add, why settle for second best when the cost for a realtionship is hard work and stress.

Ignore these old women, they are merely projecting their own fantasies onto you, dont allow yourself to be controlled by them or by any man.

I agree with you that work is never the best time to meet someone for something so personal as romance, it can create all sorts of problems and stress within the work enviroment.

So well put. I really have to agree with every single word of that.