Complicatedly Single

I've been single now since early August. But it's an extremely complicated type of single, because I've been having options, guy wise.

I'm going to formal tomorrow with a guy named Nathan. He's honestly the nicest guy ever, one of those guys that most girls friendzone because of his looks, or because he's so nice. We only started talking in around October/November, and I started to develop feelings for him.

After that, Riley came along. He's a coworker, one I've known since I was 11 years old. Last Saturday, he told me he wanted to kiss me at work, in a "friend sort of way", to "apologize". It was so unexpected, and so weird. How can you kiss someone as friends? I'd never, ever heard of doing that. And frankly, he's put me through so much crap I don't really want much to do with him, let alone kiss him.

And finally, my ex started talking to me Sunday night, right after a field trip. It shocked me that he even wanted to talk to me, seeing as he was the one that broke up with me the day after my birthday. I thought he hated me. But we've been talking every single day this week, for hours on end on Facebook. Everyday, conversation gets easier and easier, from awkward to not at all. From no smiley faces to one every sentence. Yes, I'll admit I miss him a lot, and I have missed him since the day we broke up, but I don't know what I'm going to do.

If we do end up dating again, Nathan would definitely be upset. Maybe not hate me, but I can see him being heartbroken, which is something I really don't want to do. I don't really know how I feel exactly about Mikhael (ex), but I know for sure I won't just take him back in the blink of an eye, it wouldn't be that easy. I need to know he won't hurt me again, that he means it when he said he cares. I know I could be getting myself into huge trouble by getting back with him, but daydreaming about us every single day and always having him on my mind, I can't say I'd want it any other way.

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18-21, F
Dec 6, 2012