Never Had A Boyfriend...

Before anyone goes on and on about how being single is great and how "you don't need a guy to complete you," don't bother. I'm not dumb and I know that, darlings. Frankly, I think anyone that is desperate for the title of someone's signficant other, purely for the shallow reason of not liking to be alone, needs intensive therapy.

With that said, as I mature, my priorities are beginning to shift and I'm beginning to see life in an entirely different way. I used to not care at all about relationships and I'm only 18 so I probably still shouldn't. But I care now. I mean, sometimes, I want to feel excited to see someone, or read an "I love you" text messege, hug someone for what seems like forever, and have someone really special out there in this massive world that truly loves be (besides family and friends, of course). We human beings are social creatures, and it's only natural that we'd want to have people around us to experience the ups and downs of life with, at least for a little while. I'm in college now, and my friends and roommates are always talking about relationships they've been in/ are in, crushes they have, dates they've been on, etc. Since I've been here, no guy has even looked twice at me.

So is it odd that I've never had a boyfriend and probably never will for a really long time? That seems like a very weird thing to say, but I know myself very well. I get horribly nervous around the opposite sex (even guys I don't even find attractive, can you believe that?), my self esteem is very low and I'm pretty socially awkward all around. It's almost impossible for me to even go outside sometimes.

Do I think having a boyfriend will fix these things? Of course not, I'm not delusional. I don't want to complicate anyone else's life with my issues. Unfortunately, I don't think these issues will ever go away, at least not anytime soon. So the lonlieness continues...

This isn't something I'd dare talk about to anyone I know because I don't want them to pity me. I don't know what to do.
StartingOvr18 StartingOvr18
18-21, F
3 Responses Dec 6, 2012

I'm in the same place as you are; I've just started university this year too, and am sickeningly awkward around guys, due to attending an all-girl's secondary school. I have two tidbits of advice for you; firstly, societies and clubs are wonderful for both meeting new people and boosting self-esteem, and you're far more likely to find guys who you're likely to have a fulfilling relationship if you actually have a common interest. Secondly, don't pressure yourself into having a relationship, and don't let others do the same- leading a guy on who you have no feelings for merely because he shows interest in you is not a good idea. I know myself that I'm not nearly ready to offer someone else the commitment that relationships entail, so maybe just try to be friendly for the moment. I'm still adjusting to having male friends, but it gives you an interesting perspective on things, and shows you that they're just as shy and awkward as any of us girls! Best of luck, dearie :)

I'm actually like you. I didn'thave my first bf until two months ago. In fact, i broke up with him two days b4 our monthiversary. We didnt even kiss, so i've never even kissed anyone yet...actually, todays a month since i dumped him... Anyway, i get what you say when you want a bf. I also get nervous around guys, so you're not alone there either.

Yeah, it seems like the nervousness is cute in, like, middle school, but the older you get, the sadder it is. Thanks, I'm glad I'm not the only one lol. Sometimes I feel like it.

I believe that the best way to find someone is to truly open up yourself. Don't worry about not having any sort of experiences. I haven't either :p.

If you keep your head up and live without worries, things will turn out great.

Thanks :)