Difficulties

I've been 100% single ever since my best friend "dumped" me by e-mail (not really dating. Sort of taking it slow) about 5 years ago. He knew I was in love with him and I have reasons to believe he was just playing with me. He broke my heart and I hate to say this but I'm in psychotherapy because of it. I've never been in a real relationship. People say things are changing and that being single is becoming more socially acceptable but that's just not true. Not that I care what people think of me. They don't even know me. However, it does make the whole thing more complicated. Every time I mention the issue people are shocked and they can't believe it. They think I'm joking when I say I've never had a bf and they feel sorry for me and offer to set me up for blind dates or stuff like that. lol. I'm single because of who I am, but I don't want to change just to please society or some guy. I'm shy and an introvert and quick-tempered... and I don't look like a model, obviously (although a lot of people compliment me on my looks. I don't even know why. I'm convinced they do it simply out of politeness). I refuse to feel "worthless without a guy". I used to believe in serious relationships, soulmates and real love. I'd rather stay single if I can't have that. I even wanted to have kids someday. I've given up on love and it's been utterly painful. I think it was a stupid dream I need to let go of. Even though I'm shy and I've never had a bf strictly speaking, I'd never been completely alone until I was "dumped". I'm ok with being alone. Nobody understands me anyway. Sorry about this. Needed to vent.
Nekoe Nekoe
22-25, F
Dec 10, 2012