SingledomI'd consider putting this up in the confession section but I don't feel that what I'm about you should be considered as a confession, since that would imply it was something to be ashamed about.
Let me jump right to the first point to clear up the introduction for you, I'm very often pretty bummed out about not being in a serious relation with someone. I'll be honest and blunt and a little vulnerable for saying it but stuffing a bunch of extra pillows and blankets in the bed makes it feel a lot less empty if you pretend as hard as Peter Pan did when he threw his apple on Sir Isaac Newton's head instead of falling on it that there was someone there right next to you.
I had a relation once and the only thing I can call it now is a trail of hallucinations and self deceptions caused by an overwhelming biological program running the show, the only way to describe it is waking up after a month or so and see everything behind you in cinders or in need of repairs, took years to figure out and the only conclusion is that nature is very evil when it comes to giving two cents about society when it comes to simple biological rules and regulations, survival always wins. I can't shake the feeling it was book material but I'm not much of a writer for it so I'll pass on that. My reaction was the only one you can expect after that, shaky confused , scared and mostly WTF!?. Suffice it to say that knowing the potency of an effect of love is no way a means of understanding it, as annoying as it sounds you just have to experience it (yes I hated hearing that just as much as you!). Sure there were good times, and I learned so much that I wouldn't change it now, but it still scares the c##p (yes engineers, that was a C# joke :3) out of me just thinking about it. Obviously you can then see why it was a long period of thinking and growing that was required before I'd ever let myself go into any relation again, at least now I have a fighting chance since I know what its like. Typing this makes me wonder what a soldier feels like when he sees war for the first time.....I bet all the movies must seem like a total joke afterwards...
Right now I'm taking some time-off, a very little time off, before the guilt clock screams: "GET BACK TO WORK!" in my head again ;). The rest of the time I'm working or studying, and then some......I'm hoping that once I can get some financial freedom I can actively look around for a real relationship and let the past be the past. I wonder what that'd be like..... it sounds exciting to do something like that....I'm someone with a long boring past of nothing happening and "that one time". So actually looking on a dating site or going on a date is completely new for me......even if it fails horribly it sounds very exciting just thinking about it, could make for great stories and then I'd have something for here wouldn't I :) I wonder if people have stories about there dates around here! I'll be sure to look around, and to all the other singles I'd say go do that as well, could be both fun and informative!
(I bet you were expecting the broken shattered I will never love again speech huh! If you are that speecher then all I can say is give it time and be honest to yourself, say no as long as you like but don't say no because yes is too scary)
In any case....singledom to me is a burden I hope to tackle sometime, and with that comes the great happy feeling knowing that you didn't just help yourself, but you also took that away from someone else... Pretty sweet deal!!!
Well , I guess that is a rant of the day for me... I hope it was something that helps you consider something about your own singledom, or show something for those in a relationship about what they're doing to each other :). Or it could just all be a good laugh for you at my expense, free smile still a good result ;)
Take care now!
DreamingTaoTiger 26-30, M 4 Responses 6 Dec 19, 2012