Some RealizationsSo, if you've read anything about me you know that I didn't really date or have exclusive relationships with titles. However, you have seen my past with different boys and the way it's affected me.
I guess I would like to make some points on here that help explain why I feel I am single. And this is not just for my readers out there, it's to help myself too. So here we go...
1) I am scared. I'm scared of getting close to someone new because I don't want to be left behind for the better offer. I am scared that I am too much for one person to handle and that I will drive them away by just being myself. I am scared of commitment, I've never had to practice committing myself to a person. And I am scared of intimacy.
2) I don't know myself. Okay, it's not that I don't know myself necessarily but I am still learning and growing as a person and as things are changing about me my world changes around me. And I don't want to be involved with someone who begins to define me as a person. I want to figure things out on my own and not be dependent. I am still questioning myself all the time trying to make sense of myself. It's enough work trying to balance a way to be happy and motivated, while dealing with sadness and anger. I don't want to interfere with anyone elses self journey and I certainly don't want anyone around me trying to define who I am.
3) I am not confident. There are many things I am sure of about myself like what I want to do with my life and what I do and don't like. But I am not confident enough to be bold. I am not sure enough of myself to raise my hand in class, or randomly introduce myself to an attractive guy. And when it comes to other girls, I feel beaten out. With all that goes well for me, I am still reminded by many people, and often, of the lack of confidence I have.
4) I am terrified of falling in love. And I'm sure you can all relate at point in some way to that.