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I Just Keep On Coming Back For More..

So lets start by saying that the man I've been in love with for 5 yrs has decided again ( this is his 4 th time) of seeing what else is out there in the world. That's the nice way of putting it but after much convincing it always boils down to he needs to get some "strange" . I was no perfect angel when we met and he 3 yrs younger then me so I made more excuses for him then he did.
So lets make this very long story a lil shorter. This last time he decided it was another time for him to see the what's out there( and of course everytime he swears it's not about finding someone else yet everytime he ended up with someone else lol) he blew thru about 10 thousand dollars ( he finally got some cash from his settlement after not working for 3 yrs) and that's when he's gotta see the world. Well fast forward 5 months later and we are stil broken up and now he's super broke and I would like to say I just ignored his stories of how broke he was but I didn't and I sent him money 2 times in a week. Now, I know he didn't deserve the xtra help from me and I also know he's a jerk for doing me dirty like he did but I couldn't let a friend or even anybody I know go without cigs or gas money or whatever if I can help it. I am always hoping that the gods will remember my good deed and throw me a lil good luck or fortune lol. Anyhow, I just had to stop all contact after I sent that money cause he went out and I didn't hear from him for 2 days and that's cause I financed his day out with his lil girlfriends and it was like a kick to the stomach but then I think about as if he wasn't gonna do that? I kinda knew he was. And yet I did it anyhow. Am I always setting myself up for my own downfall, makes me wonder if he was ever the problem or have I always been my own worst enemy?
Squeekarose Squeekarose 31-35, F 5 Responses Jan 25, 2013

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You are so nice! Probably too nice to the scoundrel.... Hope you get some good kharma, babe....

He will use you until you let him know that you are done supporting him. I think he is used to the easy life and knows that he can get enough to get by for free and not have to work for it.
The next time he asks for something tell him NO and go out and do something that you enjoy.

I finally did that and I stopped convincing myself he really wanted to be friends , he just kept me around as a " friend" so he could get cash or have someone to talk with if he was bored or whatever cause he certainly wasn't returning any friend like niceness such as callin back when he said he would or he would only txt me when it was like 11 or 12 when I knew whatever girl he was talking to wasn't available or whatever his problem was for the day :) !So it took everything I had to delete all numbers and email and everything that had to do with him because I was the one looking like a stalker cause I couldn't leave my ex alone. It's been like 10 days so far actually 12 days if u count the day I had to tell him bout his Craigslist thing but I kept it under 5 sentences and as soon as he said he got the message I jumped off the txting and let him go so I didn't leave any openings for xtra conversation cause I know I would get sucked right back in

I hope it goes well - you can always send me a message if you get the urge.

U make very good points and I just read a story about a poor women that is dealing with the most profound issues an it really makes me look at my problems and say " really??" I mean this just goes to show me I need to stop whining and crying and pull my **** together and stop worrying about someone that isn't concerned about me... Right? Lol thank u so much for ur advice!!

Now this is easy to say now lol and lord help me if by some weird chance I run into him cause he's got a smile that just melts me lol but I know we live in different towns so I'm not overly concerned with that but I came across like 4 pics of me and him during happier times and instead of bein all hurt and upset I just kinda chuckled and stared for a moment and I didn't erase them cause like it or not he was 5 yrs of my life and I don't think even he can totally wipe me out of memory after 5 yrs of raising his nieces and bein with him however, he never cared enough to call and see how I've been or anything so he's gone and no more talking about him cause it would be different if there was a chance but I've already decided even if he came crawling bk today I wouldn't be able to what's the point of crying over something I know I can't have and it's of my own decision as well...I shouldn't put that kind of torture on myself knowing it will just hurt more again later....nope not again :)

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You sound like a great person. Great people deserve great things. Don't cheat yourself

Thank u for saying that cause I must say it means more coming from a stranger because I believe it more lol.. People that know me I just assume they say those things out of respect or a feeling of "have to" so thank u again for that, u said it when I needed it most,

sometimes when we are attached we are emotionally compromised.. you know that what he is doing isn't fair to you.. yet you allow him to.. you can only take control of your actions not his.. so if you want to be happy, love yourself more.. you need to prioritize yourself.. don;t do things that will just hurt you - like helping him out and he just goes on and spend his cash on his little don't need that crap. cut it out of your life

Thank you so much and honestly sometimes you just need a reality check and have someone b honest like you were and say "hey stop bein dumb cause you know better, cause lord knows I do lol" and yet there for a minute I was just so hurt that I was a huge tower of emotions and I never want someone to go without if I can help it in anyway but like you said it's time for me to take care of me!! Thx again for great advice

strange days have found us right??
strange days done tracked us down (Jim)

and so we run on wild nights
drifting in moments, wild insight
wanderin the western dream inside nights unknown to man
wanderin the sylvan scene in the mind not known to man (Jon)