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Miracles Of My Life Eyed Happiness

Never praise any miracle
Before you know how it will change your life

How I can explain when and where to start?

Hm. How about… I am about to be a 24 year old and on my way to finishing the Naval Institute as a Chief Steward studying in my city of Gdynia. I am quite popular, however I have not too many sexual experiences. I study to become a worker on passenger ships and as well Theology as I am seriously contemplating to become a priest or monk in Christian Catholic order.

At that time Pope John Paul II was doing his pilgrimage all over the world realizing his vision of a pilgrim Church. When I was finally finishing my studies at University Pope John Paul II visited our city. He brought to us the message at that time - Don’t be afraid, and this resonated through the nation like lightning. You won’t be able to explain what kind of feeling it was to see and hear him. It was like a real dream. He catapulted all into another realm for a few days before and after his visit. All was like a perfect movie in slow motion, total radiance of a thick, thick spirit and charisma. There were no doubts that you were in the presence of a holy person. Basically what he was saying and empowering us was - get moving, do something, don’t waste your time, start living, God is with you.

Communism was dying slowly.

I finished my study and I had some ideas what to do next with my life but I wasn’t sure. However after the Pope’s visit I knew I was going for it. It was clear and obvious. I wrote my first play. It was story about young guy who was looking for God in his life. All was happening in real time and it was my observations about life of the church behind the curtain. It was a bit critical and in some parts very critical about church and conduct of the clergy. The main character was of course me who had the ability to talk to God and see him and even being in his mind. God was Jesus in this case. It was his cry about what is happening and in some other parts of the play it was me in deep love with Jesus.

I took the play to our local Bishop who I knew well being a student of Theology in the Lateran Studium of Theology which he established on request of the Vatican. I was pretty sure that I would have problems and some criticism about what I wrote. However I wanted to test the water. Yes, tested and see what they will do and how they will take it.  To my surprise a few days later I found my play in the bishop office totally unchanged or with any complaints plus the latter of request to all the priest and churches for help in order to perform it.

It was good news and a miracle. I established street theater and I named the whole thing “Euangelion”. I needed some equipment and funds to realize my project.

I was active as a student in University producing all kinds all artistic events and writing in the local student newspaper. It was a special section in my Institute which took care about entertainment. Mr. Benek was responsible for all that was happening in that department. He was an old communist who was making good money there. He and his boys (we called them “goalkeepers”) they were running disco music party there 3 times per week. Hundreds of youngsters were coming to dance and have a fun and make Mr. Benek rich.  “Goalkeepers”- well muscled built guys with brains of peanuts who were responsible for selling tickets and keeping order during parties. The only subject about which you could talk with this guys about, was - how many pushups they did or about like when one guy smashed the face of another guy the day before so much so that he could not stand up for 3 days. Nevertheless the disco business was going well and smooth.

Mr. Benek had his small room not far from the main auditorium where he sat the whole day and drank coffee. We called his place “kanciapa” which is close to “kuciapa”. It is hard to explain if you are not Polish the meaning and irony involved in the meaning but I will try.

“Kanciapa” it is sort of storage where you store unused items. You don’t need them, you don’t use them but you can’t get rid of them. “Kanciapa” is cozy and safe and secure and well protected but mainly you keep garbage there.

“Kuciapa” was a term used by students to express a very old ***** which still can be turned on and get wet and warm and nice. It is old and not tight at all and you always prefer young and fresh, but it is very experienced then you never know, sometimes you can go for it.

Mr. Benek was spending most of his time in kanciapo-kunciapie enjoying himself. He was sort of a short fellow with a big belly and every day generally wearing the same set of clothing and smelling a bit like laundry which was not taken for long time out of the machine after wash. His sweater was not covering completely his big stomach. There was always a spot left untouched by his polo. He was always weaning leather jacket and looked kind of elegant. He reminded me Napoleon in some way. He had been given the nickname “Slippery”. He was like a fish which you can’t ever catch in your hands as it would always escape. He was doing such a things on University that you would think were impossible, but he was doing them and always escaped from any responsibility when problems arose. Yea “Slippery”. He was quite a character.

Mr. Benek liked me a lot. Maybe it was because I was bringing some quality and real art into student’s life then he could be cover from this side as art animator. Church ideas and Communism in form of Mr. Benek did not match at all but, I brought my play to him asking for help. He gave me everything that I needed including some founds without any delays.

Right, I had all pieces of puzzle matching nicely, now I needed actors and because my play was a mixture of some prose and music, I needed band to play it. I put an add into the newspaper describing what I am looking for. Within a week I got a call from a guy who had an acoustic band singing religious but very modern songs and who was very interested to produce the whole thing with me. His name was Slawek.

We met at my place, with the whole band. The band consisted of 3 girls and 3 guys - 1 violinists, 2flutes, 2 guitars and vocal. One of the girls Alicia was to become my future wife. She was dating at that time the guitar player in the band named Arthur. What I discovered when I first met them was the fact that Arthur was my good friend form college. We were in the same class and he was writing music to my poems which I perform live during all kinds of artistic events at school. All of the band members were totally hippie people and work was the last thing on their mind. However they all were coming from well situated families and they could afford to be bluebirds.

Music fitted perfectly to the words which I wrote. It was amazing how Slawek songs complemented my thoughts. Again I was sure that this was a miracle and God’s will which was allowing me to complete my mission and vision with such perfectness.

We started to travel from church to church and perform. I used for the first time wireless technology which Mr. Benek equipped me with. I had a microphone attached to my cloths which I had gotten for free from a local theater and was able to walk among the audience and my voice sounded huge through the speakers. It was extraordinary sort of Andy Warhol happening.

Each time after a successful performance I used to share my happiness with Alicia. We talked a lot and she was very supportive. She understood me completely and we had a great time together. We were tuned and emitting the same waves and we were discovering each other with no words. I realize all after awhile how beautiful she was outside and inside. One day she told me how unhappy she was with Arthur and that she had decided to leave him.

 It was a Friday evening after the show. We went by cars to the forest to make a fire and have some beers, celebrate. I had known Alicia for around one month. We laughed, danced, and drank beers, sang and talked. Suddenly Alicia took me on the side and said that she wants to go into woods, escape, just go and forget everything. No reason, no path, no direction just walk with no luggage and enjoy. She was still with Arthur, however I followed her and we went deep into the woods. It was great, exciting, and wonderful. She kept my hand and I walked behind totally lost in her beauty and words. It was extraordinary right up until the moment when we realized that we were lost. We were walking and looking for the way back and in the process we were getting more and more lost. It took maybe 2 hours before we gave up all hope. She started panicking and crying and accusing herself that it was her fault. I took her in my arms, kiss her and said that now I will take over and I will become responsible for our journey. I promised her that if we find our way back I will marry her, take care of her and protect her. I took her hand and led the way and in 10 minutes we were back with the others. I will never forget that day.

It was tough because Arthur was still deeply in love with Alicia and had many plans for the future, but she wanted to be with me. It also did not help that I became obsessively jealous about anything between them from that point on, but I did not show any signs of it.

After one of our performances, we had known each other maybe 6 weeks Alicia decided to visit her mother. She was living in my city renting a room and her mother was living in city nearly 100 km away. It was late evening and there were not too many trains to get to her place. We agreed to go hippie style. Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be. At first we took the first train going in the right direction and all seemed to be going well. But after awhile we ended up half way to her mother’s place with no other communication. It was cold, very cold. We were hungry and exhausted and totally lost. She was shivering in my arms and the station looked to be the worse place to be. Not thinking too much, I took over and we went into the unknown city. We walked for a while in almost complete darkness and somehow we found Workers Hotel. It was around 3 am when I rang the bell looking for immediate help.

The caretaker opened the gate and let us in. It was warm and pleasant once again. In a few words I explained to him our situation. He gave us a nice room and let stay till morning for free. The room was very clean and simple and I realize that it is a full moon as the room was filled with shining light. We took a long shower together and went to bed. We made love for the first time. She was not happy because it didn’t happen as she had dreamt about it and how she had wanted it to be. She was shocked and surprised. She cried saying that I didn’t trust her and didn’t love her. We made love once more time. She was so happy. She became pregnant shortly as well.

The worst part of the story at that point was Arthur. He loved Alicia madly and had a very hard time to get over her loss. I did not care much about him. I was happy and cared about my own happiness. I was proud that I was better than him and that I was chosen and that I had won sort of a competition. I was so cruel, stupid and damaging. He was so innocent and gentle. His behavior makes things even more painful today. After awhile he disappeared from society. Some message surface later that he was playing music on the streets of Paris and begging. Later on I heard that he met somebody there, got good a job in a band and that he was playing in wealthy restaurants and that he was well married. It was a bit of a relief.

Communism totally broke down in Poland. I married Alicia and we had our first child, Nina – she is 25 now. All Polish companies which owned ships were reorganized and ships were sold abroad. There were no more of that kind of jobs on the sea which I could look for. I had some money saved from working before on ships plus my mother had helped us in the beginning of our marriage. We rented and paid for an apartment for one year but still I had to find some kind of employment.

I always wanted to be an artist but I was sure most of the time that there is not much artistry in me. I was always, all my life in the field of art because of my family and my activities but I never recognize myself as an artists. I knew for sure that I was a good organizer and manager. based on that I make up my mind and opened Artistic Association to promote all kinds of art.

There was a big democratic movement in my country at that time and all kinds of not communistic democratic activities were receiving a lot of support. I started to organize a lot off artistic events around. Every second day something was happening. Concerts, all kinds of shows, meetings, conferences, symposiums, lectures etc. Whatever. It was a machine. I had some staff that were helping me originally for free and next for a good salary. I got a nice place from the city and had some financial support. It became busy, very busy.

In the beginning I was not very much accepted by the artist society because I was not one of them but in a short time I was producing better and better shows and was hosting more and more popular artist going to the top of artist scale in just half a year. I was working with the media constantly as well as informing them of new events and giving them information about my productions.

I started publishing my own artistic magazine too with financing that I had received. Because nobody wanted to write for my magazine I had to do it all by myself. Local newspapers became aware of my writings plus I was fresh with no communist background then I was invited to write for them. Within one year I got a very good steady position with one of the biggest Polish newspapers “Dziennink Baltycki”.

Money was there, job was there and I was doing what I liked. It seemed like everything was looking great. However I missed a spot. Every day I was leaving home in the morning and coming back late in the evening. I loved my life style. I was among people I admired and I was achieving everything that I wanted. I was not at home though. I thought that if I would be working on ships, I would be away anyway for months.  So at least in this case I was maintaining some presence. In the meantime we had another child meanwhile Paul who is 22 now. My busy way of being happy cost me in the end. After 3.5 year of being together I received information that Alicia had moved out and had become pregnant by one of my friends. I went with the flow and got even busier. I was now doing drugs and that helped not to think too much or feel anything.

My work in Association allowed me to be in touch with many democratic animators. They started to ask me to help with designing posters and information pamphlets for some politicians. This cooperation develop into special department within my Association which worked full time in within public relations area, promoting and advising to politicians and doing campaigns for them. My biggest achievement here was in working on the wining presidential campaign of legendary leader of the Solidarity movement Lech Walesa.

On the side of it all, I also did work with the underworld as well. When you are among people who have access to all kinds of information at some point you can start to use them to your advantage. I learnt from my friend that there is the gap in Polish law.

This was his story which he shared with me.  If you could a bring completely new car from abroad mainly from France or Germany on a trailer you did not have to pay any tax. All you have to do is some smart paper work later on and you could double the  amount of your invested money. For example if you could bring 5 cars in one shot you could make 20 thousands US extra. With good organization it was possible to make 100 thousands per month clean.

At that time having 100 thousand in Poland according to my calculation would allow you to have a poor but steady life with not doing anything special until the end of your time on earth. I became rich. However all was at a price as I started to become surrounded by people which I would think are representing local mafia. I have no proof of that, but it looked similar to that.

My first job as a journalist was as a free lancer in Gazeta Gdansk. The chief of art section there fell in love with my writings and whatever I wrote she was printing it. She was the wife of the chief editor of the Gazeta so nobody dare to ever question her judgment. I heard as well that the chief editor was related somehow to the family of the Polish Pope, but that was just a rumor. The Gazeta Gdanska was a private establishment and represented the young Polish liberal movement. One of the workers of that newspaper working next to my door was Donald Tusk present premier of Poland.

I was not doing drugs before I became journalist. I was not interested in them at all. Nothing, no cravings, no cultural background, no supportive theory to do it. Nothing. No idea at all. Because I was writing about art and culture I was sent one day to do an interview with one of the best Polish singer Stanislaw Sojka. I was amazed by his talent plus he was also very interested in Buddhism and I believe he followed a bit of the teachings of Lama Ole Nydahl which I was interested in at that time. We talked and he liked me a lot. He invited me to his place in Warsaw after one interview and we agreed to write a series of articles about his life which would later grow to become book written by me. This was very exciting, nobody had done that before in my country and he was at the top in Poland, an extraordinary talent. While working at his place on the series he shared a joint with me. I smoked and it was love at first sight.

I was writing as well an autobiographical book with Grazyna Szapalowaska the most beautiful Polish actress that I had ever known and a sort of sex symbol. Something in the likeness of a Marlin Monroe from the USA. I can say that she was briefly in love with me, at least that is what I think.

Nothing was ever finished, drugs.

I worked especially more with artists and musician especially and smoking pot became a natural occurrence. After a short time I was doing it daily.

I was rich and those who had given me the opportunity to become one knew it. I have a friend in Gazeta Gdanska who was taking care about advertisement there. He connected me with his friend who was opening a chain of furniture stores. He was looking for money to develop the business. After a few conversations he suggested to borrow some money from me on a short term basis with a reasonable profit and monthly capitalization. All was among friends and we were all the best of friends. I was working and I was very well paid plus all other things were going well. I thought it was good idea to invest some extras. I did it and lent him money all on just handshakes and friendship. After 6 months he started to delay return and was just giving me some change to go **** off. I then realized that I had been taken and was tricked. I started to use drugs heavily. 

I think I knew people from the mafia, just as I knew people in the city or like most of the prostitutes there. I was a reporter and I knew a lot. That the best source of information lies there, if you wish to be good, you have to know where to go to get it. I knew as well people from the entertainment industry. I was writing about them.

They were some people who were organizing the International Sopot Festival. It is the most important music festival in Poland which takes place each year, huge money. Organizers from this festival decided to build or renovate architecture treasure of Sopot located by the beach. It was supposed to be live entertainment venue, or a pub or restaurant where world class stars would come and sing and perform and people would sit and watch and enjoy themselves. The whole thing was supposed to be done with the cooperation of Polish TV which would transmit whole live. Once again big amount of money would be involved. Producers of live art restaurant ran out of funds and asked me if I knew anyone who could help. I thought that this leverage could work for me.  So I told them about my loan situation with the furniture guy and they agreed that they would give me veksle (valuable papers, documents stating of borrowed money which can be used in court in case of problems) on amount they would get back from the furniture guy. We negotiate good borrowing conditions too. The money started flowing from one source to another and I was receiving a bit of it. Sixty-Five percent (65%) was recovered from the furniture guy and went to entertainers that I had veksles with. In the end of the day I did not see Seventy-Five (75%) of MY! money back. Still what I had back was good enough to have anything I wanted for around 5 years. Obviously when I split up with Alicia it was sex, drugs and rock and roll nonstop.

I took veksle to contest them in the court and I won all the cases. However the entertainers put all that they had in the name of family members and pretended to be beggars. There was nothing that I could get back, at least for now.
                 Me - four years ago. Now I look younger.
Bolek Bolek 41-45, M 10 Responses Feb 13, 2013

Your Response


What a great story. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to read it!

My pleasure.
I was reposting this story on other site that is way you got notification.
I took this story and posted on other site.
Nothing more than that.
I wish you great time. I hope this explanation with clear a bit your mind.

Delayed happy birthday :0) didn't knew. Hope you had a wonderful day.
And your story is great. You amaze me.

Thank you so much.
I am happy. You make me happy.
Thank you.

Awesome story! You are very talented...Have a wonderful Valentines Birthday!

Thank you.
The best wishes on day of my arrival.

Happy birthday and what a great insight to your life, I wish you all the best my friend xx

Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.
Happy Valentine's for you too my friend.

Hhappy Valentine's day I hope it is a great day for you x

Peter I really enjoy reading all your writings thank you for sharing. We learn many things as we live our lives. Those things make us stronger and able to help and encourage others. You are an encouragement to me. Happy Birthday enjoy it you deserve it. Sending you love keep up the great work in writing.

Thank you.
My love back to you.

a ja lubie rock and roll. teraz jesteś młodszy i przystojniejszy.

Napewno a ty bogatszy.

happy birthday for a new life..and congrats on looking younger;)

Thank you.

You write under your picture that "Now I look younger"-do you mean that maybe you look younger because you aren't in the "sex, drugs and rock n roll" lifestyle anymore? Or do you still do drugs? I don't really believe marijuana is a serious drug. I can understand why you started smoking daily-once you started being busy-busy-pot-smoking took the edge off.

I didn't find anything that shocking in this story. That you have kids that old-I would have kids that old myself if I had been "normal" and behaved in the proper way.

It was an enjoyable story. I like reading about other people-of reading their life story. Do you see your kids or know what they're doing now?

Anyway, I need to go to bed.. I'll write comments tomorrow about your other stories.

No. Nothing more for last 10 years.
All is good here.
You investigate me here like Sherlock Holmes like we met each other first time last week. We know each other almost form my beginning on here and we talk all the time you know well that me the same like you are getting younger and younger.

Have a great night. Thank you for reading me and your kind words.

What an interesting story. Life sometimes has a lot of surprises for me when I read others' but we all learn from our mistakes. As you look back you should be proud of yourself the way you are now and that's all that maters. All the best as always!

Thank you.
Still learning.
I am proud to be a writer.
No doubts here.

Thank you for sharing a part of you...appreciate it very much and enjoyed reading every bit of it...:))

That is very comforting.
At least something can be use today for good.
Thank you.