It was my biggest wish to be a beloved wife of a Male who's first Love was me. But Now I'm 26, still single.. And I'm so hopeless romantic because Now if even i get married, I think the man was been in love with any female before..
This develops anxiety..
Heart39 Heart39
31-35, F
57 Responses Aug 21, 2014

so what if you are not the first love??? does it matter very much? such things are existing only in fairy tales....dont be misled

Why put such bar.

Build a bridge and get over it love. You wo t fi d anyone if you are chasing the perfect love that isnt tainted glass

Wake up and stop punishing yourself over an illusion. Your emotional illusions are getting in the way of you ever finding love. Your brain is looking for love because that's where the balance in life comes from. Your heart is looking for "Prince Charming", who seems to be quite elusive. Of course you have anxiety. Your brain is smarter than your heart and knows it. When you don’t see the perfection of where you are, you take the pure energy of inspiration and dissipate it into emotional reactions which are "negative".
If you just balance your mind and don't let it go off on emotional illusions, you'll be more open to letting love find you...and it will.

really .?? well, your response is really nice and encouraging..

Well, being 26, Im pretty sure any guy you meet now will have been in love before, but love changes. The love he felt about a girl when he was younger was young love, which is a different kind of love he would find with you, a more mature love. Kind of like Justin Timberlake and Brintey Spears who both have admitted they were each others first love, both have moved on with Justin marrying Jessica Biel which Im sure is a more adult kind of love being they are both in their 30s and Britney married Kevin (divorced now) but she admitted her love was different with him because she was older when meeting him and had kids with him...she admitted Justin was more infatuation....

so love changes, I wouldnt sweat it

Not possible.... Our first love is always our mother. LOL

Sigmund Freud?

you will find your soul mate

Well I am 33 and still single, I know how you feel. That makes 2 of us thus far, yet I feel there is hope for people like me & you so optimism and belief that good & or great things will come is a must to have.

so you never been in love ?

Hey i am very much so in the same situation as you, with the exception i have overcome my anxiety. I have been thinking alot about my first crush lately, someone i doubt i can ever forget, i often persist in the thought that when the time is right she will show up and i can express myself without too much restraint or maybe just ask her out. i think i would scare her off if i did express myself too passionately. but i do not project myself forward to often, it creates anxiety, i do this exercise everyday, i imagine the things i want in the morning, then i meditate to bring myself back into the moment.The future does not exist yet, the past has passed and all we really have is the moment we are living in right now.Do not let anxiety become a habit, i know first hand the damage it can do.Lots of love i hope you find who you are looking for :)

thank you soo much for your prayers. so where the girl is right now? you still love her?

I have no idea where she is, hopefully she is living a happy life. If not then hopefully she will fly back to me lol
I do feel unique something for her, but thats something i would only know for sure if i meet her again.

I was 28 when I first really fell in love so I wouldn't give up hope x

you never fell in love before?

Not really no, I really cared for people. Fancied the crap out of people but I don't think I ever really feel in love with anyone til then.

so, what about your love now?

I just read another post where the user said, "Love is an action, not an emotion." I think he was on to something. In my opinion, love is an emotion, an action, and a state of being. Just because there was love before, doesn't mean the love someone can have for you is tainted. Experiences make us who you are. Sometimes we learn how to love, how to love better, that we weren't in love at all, and occasionally that the person we're with now is the real deal. If you fall in love with someone, he is the way he is because of all those prior experiences. No one can change the past or predict the future, so if you're holding back because you think you aren't the first one he loved, then you may want to consider why it is so important to you.

This sounds a nice wish, it's not impossible but unlikely if you look at things realistically You should see it like this, if your partner was still in love with their past loves they would still be with them and not you, everybody has insecurities, it would be a shame if you found a great guy but could not be with them because they had some past history, the past is the past.

I have a daughter that is 26 right now. When she was 24 she come to me one time saying much the same as your saying now. I told her I don't think she will ever find a guy. She had tried so many times. She start to get mad but I cut her off to explain. I told her to go out there and make something of herself. To get her life in order and to be something. I told if she do this the guys will find her. A guy wants a woman that is well put together, smart and strong in herself. She listened and now two years later is married. A guy did find her, and he wasn't that far away to begin with. She wasn't very noticeable before. Do you think this could work for you? At least you would be getting ahead in the meantime. Dreams are nice, but don't let yourself get anxious. If you meet a guy and he says he has been in love before, so what. If he was that much in love he would still be with her. Remember love in a relationship is both coming and going to be full. Maybe he loved her, but she didn't. Point is, you can still make and be the love of his life. Better yet if he has experienced some of this. He knows how precious this is and he has something to compare it too. You on the other hand, when the stardust settles, will you wonder what could have been like with another?

I know you're not gonna want to believe me...... But you are still so young. Don't despair, you one and only true love may be there yet. No reason to think otherwise.

Well thats not all true. I have yet too be in love with someone before and im sure there are many others like me :3

The reason people look to such things as romance and dreams such as yours , is because they have high desire for love and want to be with who truly forfills them and they can fully be one with, and while love is real ,romance is not ,as it is just the mind in high longing , and trying to cope with the fact that it has not found the right person for themselves , but have been put down by other humans in their own wants ,due to how humans act towards the whole relationship stuff never really acting right about the whole stuff (because humans suck and all).
The real thing for you , is to realise that you whole romantic dream ,is just a pretentious lie ,which you use to cope with your situation , and for to realise all you really want is to be close to someone dearly , once you realise this and focus on it , you meet someone of the same caliber as you.

There's no use getting tensed over matters that you can't change...so accept & learn to be happy with whatever you have...GBU

The reason that he's marrying you and not anybody else is because he loves you. He chooses you and doesnt care about anything else but holding your hand up on that alter and saying i do.

Love isn't like the movies, it's better than the bs in that! It's a commitment to another person over everything else! who cares if there was someone before you, they will be with you and committed to YOU because the others fell short, they weren't good enough, but you are!

even if you're happen to be your man's FIRST love, it doesn't guarantee you will be his second. i'd worry more about being my spouse's LAST love.

OMG...you're only 26. You've got so much life to experience still. Don't limit your life to being about a man. Get out there and have crazy stories to tell when you're old....LOL

She will get more crazy stories being married!!

I meant crazy stories in a good way. Not the drudgery of marriage way....LOL

that's funny., enjoy your life and stop thinking about marriage, this is always complicated and even worse if you get married with a wrong guy/girl, and to be honest forget about finding a guy at your age who never felt anything for somebody else... that would be a totally lie if somebody tells you that, remember guys first love is mom, I know it's a diff kind but is love at the end., do not torture your mind your ideal guy will be chosen by you so open your eyes and be picky :P

Marriages are made in heaven they say, If this was so real, then your partner is definitely somewhere round the corner.. Please watch out for him. All the best :)

well, who saID thst marriages are made in heaven? it surprised me

I have heard a lot of ppl say it...

I was 26 when I met my husband. Don't give up hope. As for his past. Let the past stay where it is. You don't need to know about his past girlfriends or him your boyfriends. When you meet "the one" all that wont matter. Everyday you will love each other more than you could ever imagine and all that once was will be left behind. And at some point you will learn that you never knew what real love was till you two married... Married 5 years now and it still gets better each day... and I have never once asked about his past relationships.

wow. thats really nice. but i don;t know how one can give love after experiencing failures in past affairs?

past relationships are not affairs. How could they be? He was not tied to me. We had never met. To be honest sometimes I find myself wondering about those past women but then I have to laugh at myself. If he loved them he would still be with them. I am the only one he loved enough to marry. Obviously to him I have something they didn't have. And that's enough for me.

you are right

The past is just that...in the past. Embrace the present moment! Create some positive history with that intriguing person that makes you laugh and smile :)

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i kept my self away from guys just because to deeply love only my husband. so i expect the same

My darling, I am 60 and still looking for someone to love me, and I am not giving up, as I can not think that I will have lived all my life with out knowing what love is! So, never give up, it is never to late. the worst thing is to panic because then it gets worst and you make mistakes. Remember you are one of a kind, so you deserve the best, don't undersell yourself !! It will happen when you least expect it!! Love you first, then the rest will come!!

m so lonely and my past failures make this condition worst

hellooo

Define "lonely", please.

Have you been in a relationship

m single and thats what i expect the same from my man

message me

Why? What makes it so important to you if he was in love once or twice before?

because i kept my self away from guys just because to deeply love only my husband. so i expect the same

No worries. There's a guy out there for you that you will love and he will love you just as you wished for

is this your wish for me or a reality ??

It's both actually!! It will happen.

thank you. what about your case?

Yw. An it's complicated lol

ok

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You just gotta' get your **** out and the men will start flowing in.

Why

Find me plez

Don't give up. True love takes time and it doesn't matter if he was married before as long as he is devoted to you.
I found my true love the 2nd time and it's wonderful
Be patient

She's saying it bothers her if he was romantically involved with another woman before her, and I'm sure this is normal for most women. It doesn't bother me if she'd slept around with as many people as possible before I met her. It would be difficult to go into public everywhere and know she had slept with half the guys ordering our food at the same restaurant. Then it's time to move to a town where she didn't sleep with half the men. It' just a matter of saving or face or losing grace every time you go out together. I wouldn't want her to worry about public shame or humiliation from thinking everyone else knows her past sexual activity. People were having sex with each other before they got married. When it comes time to settle down, you wonder why they're so unhappy or crotchety when they get older and start to see some of the reasons why. I guess it's a real hell when you have trouble figuring out who's the father when you marry if she's pregnant from several strange men she slept with the month before. Or what to do if they show up and insist they have a right to a relationship with the child your raising when you'd rather they didn't come around at all.

i just agree what you you said above.

It's weird, to think that something so small to other people can be so important to you! I understand your feelings, message me if you want to talk

Are u ugly?

no..... i'm pretty

Sweetie...

Everyone has a past. His past experiences allow him to fully appreciate how special you are on this planet!

You may have "quirks" but, he will love you despite those quirks. That is how you know love is true!

:) :)

but i think his past experiences made him broke, he won't love me fully.. and he will still remember his previous love

What is love. U want his appreciation and respect and friendship then love will follow

I prayed for 10 years before God gave me my Mr Right. Its now been 13 years weve been together. I thought I was going to be the cat woman, but I had faith and God gave him to me. Please have faith , God is good and so is his plan for us. Ask Jesus to walk by your side and keep praying to God about getting your partner for life. The man most likely is not going to be the type u would think you were attracted to, but you will know right away. God will give you a sign and God will put him in your life when u r BOTH ready. we have to become the people God wants us to be before we will work with our mate, there are life lessons both you and he need to learn first. Keep your faith strong and true and keep praying. God will give you your partner. BUT, u may have to be humbled and find trust, open your heart, and be willing to sacrifice selfishness. I was given a dream about an eagle man who wasn't talking but I fell head over heels in love with him. 1 week later I met my mate, he collected Eagles. That was how I knew and we've been together ever since. Happily. I thank God everyday for him. listen to your dreams, if you end up falling truly in love in your dreams, and know that it is in God's time not ours.

so nice.. :)

wow.. that;s awesome.. please clear me some questions. .
1. faith about ....................... ???
2. I did'nt understand your this line .. " if you end up falling truly in love in your dreams, and know that it is in God's time not ours. " ??

When you're not looking and enjoying life, that someone will appear in your life and both of you will know it.

what do you mean?

To be honest, just cause a male fell in love with someone doesn't mean that was the person they were really in love with.

And you might be that girl.

I fell in love with 3 girls before my last... And to be honest with you... The only one that I can't get over is my last just cause of what we did and been thru together.

Everything counts even in small amounts. Never judge the book by its cover. Or a bottle of aspirin by its lable, it could be poison! Or it could be a everlasting soulmate with a sad dark past of being used and abused.

I wish you look at finding him thou.

wow.. very nice answer.
so tell me, how could you love the last third one when your same heart already loved 2 girls? were'nt there was pain or traces of pain?

For the first no, it wasn't real love just a high school sweetheart.

Second was college sweetheart,

Third was someone that I fell in love with but was cheated on, for a whole yr and half of the 2 1/2 yrs we were together.

The 4th and last one. That's hard to explain the big why... She made me feel ways I couldn't. She was always there, and she would always let me be there. Which made me feel needed and wanted all the time.

Unlike anyone else.

So you would ask now if I ever felt like dating after all those other ex's, well yes actually. Except after the third, but the firth said don't give up and give her a chance, and everything was fine till her lies got us into trouble... I resent her for that, but her I will always love.

I've been poisoning myself ever since that day the walls came down...

ohh thats sweet

I suppose so.

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he may have been in loved "before", but the fact that it didn't worked out w/them "before", it must have been because you two are the ones for each other..don't lose hope :)

really?? you think so like this? i think he will not love me fully because his past pains traces will be still there

its ok to be single.......rather than in a relationship you arent happy in...........good luck dear.........stay strong

thankyou

smiles.................wonders if you would ever be interested in someone like me? http://mclper.homestead.com/files/menow/face2.jpg

I was 34 when I met my second wife and I am 44 now. If you rush it will be for the wrong reasons, find a TRUE love as love has no timeline.

but see, it was your second wife

I was 28 with my 1st wife.

Hmmm. Experience vs. purity (or Naiveté) Interesting dilema. So are used genetals tainted or soild to the point of being worthless? I drive used cars and get to where I'm going just as well as if it were a new car.

me and ma lover both are in love for more than one year but sometimes i feel some insecurity too

Ahhh my biggest wish..

It's never easy being a beloved wife or husband You have your life ahead of you so be strong

'The man has been in love with a female before '... Whats the problem? Men forget their previous lovers

no. the traces are left in brain and heart

Thats even good. Helps to his skill in lovemaking and expressing love

I totally agree! I don't know if it's wise to seek a man with no experience behind. He will always be curious how is to be with another women.

Yeah I agree with you too JustMe

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be hopeful

difficult

I felt in love when i was 27. and never been a hopeless romantic

don't be hopeless

pray. i think you are still young

don't worry. pray and believe

what to believe ?

tht wont be a case all time.
Most important part is
"A person should be loved and cared for as the most precious one and shouldnt be betrayed"
if u find a man like it. u will be on 7th heaven.

Best Wishes

i fell in love when i was 22. but could'nt marry the girl

anxiety is not good

Don't worry dear