Being Single Has Been Great!

Although I have been in numerous relationships over the years, I can barely remember when I was purely in love with the person I was with. I can remember my first serious relationship. I had everything that a person could wish for in a relationship - love, total trust and respect. He was a great lover and a friend. However, things fell apart when I left to study. He was calling less and less, I couldn't call him because he didn't have a phone, we were becoming distant. I expressd my worries to him about the lack of contact especially since we were practically in a long-distance relationship. Things didn't seem to change.Eventually I started dating other guys. I knew it was wrong and I intended to end my relationship with him when I got back home and I did.

After this relationship, it was pretty much downhill for me. I became so desperate to find someone, anyone. I settled for anyone that came along. Finding someone was so important to me that I was even using sex to cling on. These "relationships" never lasted for more than a week. I became even more desparate. Then I met this guy at the club. He liked me, I liked him too until I took him home had sex with him. The following day, I realised that he had secretly removed the condom while we were doing the deed. I was devasted especially with all the sicknesses going around, not to mention pregnancy. I barely knew the guy. I got the morning-after pill and administered it accordingly. Instead of running the opposite direction after this incident, I was trying to figure out if this guy and I were dating or we just had a one-night stand. He was giving me mixed messages. He would call and leave messages on my phone but then when we bump into each other on campus, he would just greet and be in hurry to get somewhere. A month passed, I didn't get my periods. By then I could feel that I was pregnant. Eventually I went for a pregnancy test and it was positive.

Despite his lack of support (emotional or financial) while I was pregnant and even after the baby was born, I still held on to this relationship. Then I tried other relationships but it was pretty much the same. They just didn't last. I never understood why. I was always with someone but never feeling the love. But finally last year I had the biggest breakthrough in my life.

For some reason I would start crying for no apparent reason to such an extent that I would have to leave work cos I just could not stop it. It was very embarrassing especially being seen by my boss. After the first episode passed I thought it was over. But then it happened again and was even worse than the last time. I started having problems sleeping. I was waking up way too early. It was taking its toll on me. I was forever tired. My boss suggested counselling. That's when it all started to unfold. I discovered I had lots of issues and I had been through a lot during my childhood. I did not have self-confidence,self-love and self-worth. I had allowed people to disrespect me. After going to these sessions, I was determined to change my life for the better. I continued with the sessions. The crying episodes stopped. My sleep patterns went back to normal. I started doing a lot of reading and it has helped a lot. I have learnt a lot about life. I need to respect myself for others to respect me. I need to love and accept myself for others to do that etc. For the first time in years, I have allowed myself to be single and it feels great. I have freed myself of desperation that prevented me from defining what it is that I want in men and settling for any looser that comes along. Now I can pick and choose.

So being single is great. However there are just those nights when all I can think of is sex. It's natural, I guess :)

Samsung81 Samsung81
4 Responses Mar 10, 2009

My first blog entry is titled Single Life. You may want to see my persectve on things, and you may find yourself agreeing with me.<br />
Funny you should post your question today that I answered...and i find its derivative at the end of your story here, predated by almost three years.

I too, at the moment am single and trying to make heads or tails of my life and the patterns that seem to be leading me......I am reading a lot as well and have found one book I am reading particularly helpful in helping me see my way through all of this. I wish you luck in your life to come and all the best be with you :-)

Yeah, be happy with who you are, and the right guy will want what you have. They will be the one chasing you, finding out what makes you a truly amazing woman that can't compare to any others before. Be yourself and love it and love your kid.

Of course it's natural to have horny nights, don't sweat that, it happens.<br />
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And people do exist that can be successful cohabitants; and people do exist that are just made for sex and not the emotions that follow.<br />
Gotta keep looking for what you are looking for....and make sure that that is what you are looking for.