People Who Mean Well.....

EDIT: I have since found someone incredibly special--just goes to show that when you aren't even expecting it, the right love can come along and ♥♥♥♥ I'm so glad I didn't rush, it allowed me to find the perfect guy♥

I have since left this group....... but go ahead and enjoy the story.

I'm tired of people looking at me in shock when I say I'm single. They always say the same crap, "but you're so pretty, surely you can't have a problem getting dates." UGH! Why does everyone assume I can't be happy single--as though I'm somehow incomplete without a boyfriend to latch on to. I'm not a barnacle, or some kind of fungus---I can survive on my own!

I like being single. That doesn't mean I never want to be in a relationship, but I'm certainly not going to rush into one at this point. In fact, a couple of months ago I decided to take a long break from dating--period. After a few emotionally draining relationships, I realized I kept picking out guys who are much more dramatic and argumentative than I am. I'm naturally a very laidback, peaceloving and I just like to find the humor in day to day life. Somehow I was getting mixed up with guys very different than me and it was causing me a lot of misery.

Well I am very happy when I don't have someone in my life who expects me to answer to him. I need a break to just focus on me, but when I am finally ready to put myself back out there, I expect a partnership, not a dictatorship----and I definitely need someone who doesn't yell or argue, but can rationally and logically express himself without being quarrelsome, manipulative, unreasonable or possessive.

Anyhoo, for the time being I wish people would relax with the baffled looks and, "but you're so pretty" crap. Yes I stay in great shape and I brush my hair and I even wear heels! LOL! Sheesh, taking care of yourself should not just be to lure a mate! I don't wanna look like crap, just for the sake of not looking like crap! Should I stop taking showers too? LOL ;-P

Meh, I know they mean well. It's just that I'm smart, I've accomplished some pretty cool things so far, and I have many more aspirations.....but all I hear is, "Wow, you look great--how come you're still single?" Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! @#&%*@!$#&$@%*^$@$%&@&%$%&!!!!!

StarliteRose StarliteRose
26-30, F
94 Responses Sep 2, 2009

I totally agree with you! I am kind of in the same situation as you. It's good to know that I am not alone after reading what you posted. I believe there are lots of gorgeous looking people out there who are still single and stayed single for the same reasons. We should not rush into any relationships until we are ready and certain about it. Learning from past experience and failed relationships will hopefully make us wiser in making choices in the future.

You're attractive. You attract males because they see you as a good mate for mating. Healthy woman, healthy babies. It's the biological draw, the human, animal instinct. Perhaps you attracted those crazy guys because you saw a part, maybe hidden part, of yourself in them that you need to confront, but you don't so when you see it in someone else, you like them. I suggest reading "Living in the Light" the NEW version by Shakti Gawain. It helped me a lot, it might not help you, but it helped me a lot. Maybe you want to be single because you feel like you don't know yourself well enough yet...<br />
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just a thought. I hope I helped you.

same thing here...evryone says that to mehh too

i LOVED reading this. i get the same problems too, but i am SO happy with my single life!

Really cool. I have the same issues. However, you are a lot stronger than me. All my friends are engaged or married. And I seem to date guys that are emotionally draining. But you are definitely inspiring. How do I get to your fr<x>ame of mind? I want to be like you!


I can relate too. I am also a middle-aged woman, a widow who lost a wonderful husband 6 years ago and to this day...I will not settle! I'm amazed at the number of horny 62-year-olds I've encountered since my hubby's death, it's pretty gross hahaha! One guy was actually married. And it's worth it to mention that I have been celebate for nearly as long as the duration of my widowhood. Just got turned's slim pickin's out there!<br />
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Yup. I remain single. If ever I longed for partnership or perhaps someone who is stable financially, emotionally, and in other ways, I may reconsider the single status. But that prospective person has some big shoes to fill! Sorry to dis some guys, but I'm non-plussed at the number of men in their 50's and above who are just plain broke and want a sugar mama...a nurse, a purse, and/or both! NOT!!!<br />
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Great post, I love your independence!

Single, ehh? How you doing? *in the joey from friends voice*

Wow, well said! I'm really impressed by how emotionally evolved you seem. I'm still coming to terms with the "being single and being happy" thing. I take it you're an independant woman. Trust me, after reading this, many women will be just as envious and inspired by you as I am right now! :)

Hear Hear! :)<br />
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You hit the nail on the head.

i agree i think that so many people automaticly assume that anybody attractive must be with someone. anybody can be alone or single and of course your independant it fustrates be as well people mothering you. its aarrr so annoying you enjoy your life and choose some one or dont its your life dont listern to them its obvious they in your situation would find it hard as they would need someone because of their insecurities.

Quite right there is nothing wrong with being single. Enjoy it while your young and in a few years time don't rush into anything just because your a little bit older.

LOL...I get that a lot too!..Or they just don't believe me when I tell them I am single...Now I just answer when asked, " I am single, by choice"..Then the response is, "By choice, but why"?..Oh lord, people are so programed through BS and the media that most feel so much misery if one isn't married by a certain age. Besides that I have more married men trying to date me, pay my name it!..more than single men...Hmmm...I am in no rush to jump the broom, if I am happy as is...

You said it girl! :) I got told recently that I think I have a platinum *****! Needless to say he met my cold shoulder instead ha ha. Singledoms unite xx

This is the story of my 'current' life... You are not alone, girl! I always think better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong reasons.

Who needs another person in a life to complicate it anyway?

L-M-A-H-O!!! XD

I say red and green jello--for the holiday of course! ;-P

You're on OD!!!! Mud or Jello? ;-D

Yay Relentlessme!!!!! That's the way it should be! Thanks for commenting darlin' ;-)

Well been single you can be in control of your own destiny I guess. Me I was in a very intense relationship for 2 years highly charged both in personality and sexually. Almost fell out with my family over her, so I put an end to it. Her answer was "You can't brake up with me thats my job" lucky escape! etc.<br />
Been single now for nearly 3 years "OMG Pannic" don't like it I have to say but I'd really like to get it right this time or at least try. I want to grow old with someone I love not with someone that my friends think I should be in love with...............rant over time for a glass of red LOL. D.

well i made the mistake of being in a relationship through pressure and nearly got killed through it now they are all saying you are better single but give it a few months and they will be back at it again

Oh, i just saw ur mood. Why r u tearful, rose? Life has so much to offer, it gives us every reason to smile, laugh and make others enjoy our company. Relax. Whatever's bothering u, I can't make u feel good instantly. But, remember, everything takes time to change, and given time, everything can be made better and beautiful. My best wishes for u. Be happy. It's a wonderful life. :)

One thing I have noticed here is that all of us can talk in such a simple language that u can't tell if someone is from an English-speaking country or not. Really great!<br />
Rose, this is for u.<br />
(i almost wrote: 'like the star tattoo on ur thigh, :) anyway),<br />

Be thankful you are pretty, if otherwise you would be swimming with a whole lot more problems. s

I expect certain things out of realtionship. I am not going to go into details but I have come to the conclusion that as much as I hate being alone I would be much unhappier in a situation knowing that what I desired from it and expected out of it could never be. So there fore I am happy being alone looking at the 2 possibilities

hey i know how you feel. you just listen to your self and follow what feels right-your doing that anyway! i cop **** cause i'm single, never married and have no kids. the common coment is"well there must be somthing wrong with you if you hav'nt had kids by now or married". if any of these victums of the norm had acctually asked i could let them know i have lost 2 and now hav'nt found a worthy partner to go again. but hey it's not worth it to let others affect how one feels;there probably fuckwits-obviously with a statement from there mouth as just mentioned!

Thanks cjpsf5 and deadp!!! *double hugs* :-D

you go girl <br />
love your additude and independence and when your ready or maybe never just keep being yourself and be happy.

As long as your happy with the situation . It should not really matter to others....

LOL soursweet :)

oh well this is no second choice!

*sigh* I had better start adopting some cats......<br />
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some people play hard to get, you play hard to want...

LOL senorlucky!!! I love the word barnacle too! As long as I don't have to be one, haha ;-)<br />
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I KNOW, why would I want bouncy, shiny hair?!? I wash it too you know..... What man will have me now? lol! ;-P

what the brush your hair? What are you crazy? You'll never get a man like that..

better to be alone for the right reasons, then with someone for the wrong reasons..okay fungus..?? <br />
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ps..I just love the word could have been, "okay, barnacle.."<br />
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you're doing great!!

Thank you caraintx! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one! :-)<br />
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Why thank you very much jrhanold! :-)

Very well expressed!

What a great story. Thanks for sharing. I say YOU GO GIRL. Like you, my daughter turned 26 yesterday. She has a college education, is successful in her career, and very attractive. She enjoys living in the trendiest neighborhood, driving a nice car, traveling extensively, and her Yorkie. Men think they want to marry her to complete themselves and she isn't going for it. I'm her biggest fan. Enjoy life, you have all your life to choose someone. You can take care of yourself and are dependent on no one. Good for you. Why be in a hurry to lead a compromised life!

HappySailor: ROFL!!!! You are too much Sailor!<br />
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UnderConstruction: Thank you so much! I read some of your stories and it sounds like you have your priorities in perfect order! You're such a fabulous role model for your daughter :-)

Whew!!!<br />
Thank You!!!!<br />
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It is a little know fact that there was a Mr. Crabs who was a budding understudy in a Shakespearean theatre troupe, when tragedy befell him!


HappySailor: No, no..... not trying to out anyone..... I'm sure that you were referencing some OTHER Mr. Crabs character, you know, from a totally serious adult t.v show, LOL! ;-P<br />
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Soursweet: I know what you mean! It feels like almost everyone who has tasted my cooking says, "Oh you'll make some guy very happy one day!" I'm like, just saying it was good would suffice, LOL.

Another thing that infuriates me: people telling singles, oh, you cook yourself nice meals, although you're alone? <br />
As if the very notion of pleasure was taboo for husband-less childless women! Are we supposed to put our lives on hold until Mr Right (or not so right) turns up?

Nice....<br />
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Are you trying to "out" your friends???<br />
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No way do I not positively not know the answer to the question of which you posed....

Ah well my secret's out now! That's okay, I'm willing to fess up to it....<br />
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"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea....." LOL ;-D

Whoopsie........<br />
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(Uh... Was I supposed to keep that secret to myself????)<br />
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Uh... Carry On!

LOL, I knew all of these years of secretly watching spongebob would pay off one of these days! ;-P

SR- But do you sound like Mr. Crabs when you say it!?!?<br />
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You gotta have the right accent and inflection there!<br />
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LOL Sailor! Barnacle is actually one of my favorite words to say out loud--it's true!<br />
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I'm just glad I found a way to fit it into my story, LOL :-)

Hilarious!<br />
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Barnacle!<br />
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You're so right 23rdcamp, nobody seems to put the same pressure on the single men I know!<br />
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"Oh he's a bachelor... he's playing the field... he's not ready to settle down." <br />
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Why can't I get cut the same slack? I'm a happy bachelorette! ;-)<br />
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...and yeah, I get the "but why?" too.... ugh, you'd think it was a crime to be single and satisfied, lol ;-)

Thanks maskedmenace and redmagsu! I'm glad there are people who get it!! ;-)

"Wow, you look great--how come you're still single?" ..hehe adding salt to ur on ur aspirations..relationships can wait!

Thanks soursweet! :-)

Right on!

thank you

LOL @ BlueSugarFox! We're almost a rainbow!<br />
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booklover56: I totally agree! Is that you in your avatar? You're a total hottie! :-)

"Taking care of yourself should not just be to lure a mate"<br />
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I SO know what you mean. I am a middle aged woman but I still look really good (no, it is not just MY opinion!). The ladies around my age that I work with, are all married to their original husbands with grandchildren etc and can't understand why I make so much effort to look attractive and yet say that I don't do it to attract a man, which is true. I do it for me. Because I don't feel good unless I have done the best I can with what I have got, without being ridiculous about it. <br />
I must admit that I DO enjoy the compliments and looks I often get. But what's wrong with that? I feel like saying sometimes, because I am single and not "looking", do I have to become invisible?

Now that your whole story is posted instead of just the teaser, I agree more.<br />
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And I guess if we can be friends while I'm blue we'd still be cool if you were pink.

LOL Blue! If I get any girlier I'll turn pink!

I get the you need to be more girly and lower your standards talk in addition to what you said =P<br />
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Barnacles are icky and though I've seen some pretty fungi while hiking I sure wouldn't want to be one.