I Am Single
I'm tired. I just got out of this draining relationship with an emotionally abusive, possessive, controlling loser who made me feel worthless constantly. True, he could be kind and attentive at intervals, I wouldn't have stayed as long if he wasn't at least sometimes sweet, but it just wasn't enough. The details are really immaterial, suffice it to say, I finally got the balls up to ditch him. The point is...how do you get over something like this? I know I didn't go into a lot of detail, because honestly it's embarrassing and probably pretty mundane. Horrific relationships generally are a lot more mundane than the people in them tend to think. I just want to get over this. I think I'm over him already, I rarely think of him now. But the treatment he put on me, particularly after the relationship ended, has stuck with me and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get past it. I feel suddenly that I've become this jaded, closed off, emotionally crippled person who can't trust. I feel like I've lost my hope in something better. Like the seedy atmosphere of that relationship has infected my brain and I can't let go of it. Like my view of relationships and men and gender politics and everything is altered and won't ever go back. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I'm supposed to feel like this, for self-preservation's sake. But it's a damn icky feeling. I guess I just needed that vent. I'm glad to be single, but still messed up over the past.
