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Again...

I'm tired. I just got out of this draining relationship with an emotionally abusive, possessive, controlling loser who made me feel worthless constantly. True, he could be kind and attentive at intervals, I wouldn't have stayed as long if he wasn't at least sometimes sweet, but it just wasn't enough. The details are really immaterial, suffice it to say, I finally got the balls up to ditch him. The point is...how do you get over something like this? I know I didn't go into a lot of detail, because honestly it's embarrassing and probably pretty mundane. Horrific relationships generally are a lot more mundane than the people in them tend to think. I just want to get over this. I think I'm over him already, I rarely think of him now. But the treatment he put on me, particularly after the relationship ended, has stuck with me and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get past it. I feel suddenly that I've become this jaded, closed off, emotionally crippled person who can't trust. I feel like I've lost my hope in something better. Like the seedy atmosphere of that relationship has infected my brain and I can't let go of it. Like my view of relationships and men and gender politics and everything is altered and won't ever go back. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I'm supposed to feel like this, for self-preservation's sake. But it's a damn icky feeling. I guess I just needed that vent. I'm glad to be single, but still messed up over the past.

ClaraAteToad ClaraAteToad 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 13, 2010

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Thank you both for your advice! I will not be rushing into another relationship, it is time for me to just be alone for awhile. I feel pretty much over the relationship itself and that ex, but the damage it has done me won't be something I'll just snap out of. I definitely am going to take some time for me and forget about relationships for awhile. I feel no pull to dating right now anyway, some "me" time sounds just the thing.

Well, I totally understand you and your feeling. But the good point is that you ditched sth which you were not satisfied with...it is really a great act, isnt it? you were so powerful to do that, there is so many people who dont have such courage! So I want to congratulate u!

Like Spiritualfighter, I suggest you to take you time and be yourself...remember! THERE IS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU!!!

choose a sport, I suggest jogging. if you get accustomed to it, you will definitely feel much better (it is proved scientifically)

Well Done, be proud of yourself and think about your ideal partner...after a while he will appear for you

Cheers

Welcome to the club of emotionaly unavailable people. If you ever start wanting to go back, it's probably not because you still like/love him, but because the relationship is familiar. Humans do not like change, and we find comfort in what is familiar, even if it is detrimental to us physically and emotionally. It sounds to me like you are already starting to detatch emotionally - which I happen to do very well. I don't want to say it's a good thing, because I know from experience it can consume you and affect good relationships. You should take some time to stay single, be yourself, and then when you are ready, start the relationship search again. Trust has always been a problem for me, so I completely understand. Just make sure you take things slow, but try not to let your past consume you or it will destroy every relationship.