Life Passed Me By If Only

My story is so sad. Iam fifty four years old and am a single guy and have never been married and have no children . I was so supressed socialy

all my life although on the outside you would not know. At forty I had a breakedown. I have wished I could turn  back

the clock for years and years and it has been hell . Recently I went off my medication  ago thinking I

was ok.But a stressfull episode saw me crash again  and all the old painfull memories and feelings of loss came back.

I am goingto see my Doctor today but he cant fix a broken heart?

.Is there any hope at all or just more pain till I die?.

When I crash Everything and everyone I see reminds me of my pain.

I am actually a regular person but the repression I experienced led to social anxiety

and fear of failing with social connection and life just went on and on.

The pain is so terrible and I  cant wait for it to lighten with going back on medication and theother distractions which give me relief

I wish I had sought helpalot earlier and being able to break out of the stranglehold thispain has had  on me for so long.

I would not wish pain this on any one ever.

I am sorryfor poasting such a sad story but if there are any people who can give me a lift I would apprecite that. Thankyou.

marsen marsen
51-55, M
5 Responses Feb 28, 2010

I feel for you. I'm going on 38 and have never even been on a date. People probably think that there's something seriously wrong with me. I'm probably the only one in the world my age who has never dated anyone, which makes me feel so abnormal and lonely. I have no one in my life that I can relate too. I'm sure that you've at least been on a date before.

You sound like the man I married. He suffered from the same things. I thought I could love him enough to see him through and and help him get over his fears of failing. He just rejected me so much that I couldn't be with him any more.

Do something different than you normally would. Go to a lecture. Treat yourself to an ice cream. No one is perfect, some just pretend more convincingly. Say hello to a stranger. Give a big tip for no reason. Try making someone else's day brighter tomorrow. Act.

"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." "And now the prize awaits me—the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing."

dam.. don't apologise for posting this, if it helpd you - then surely it was worth it. <br />
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Not much I can say other that you have my blessings and well wishes.