Do I Need To Step Out Of My Comfort Zone?

I have always been single and have never been in a serious relationship.  I lead a happy enough and successful life, but I can’t help but wonder if I am missing out by not having someone special in my life.  I don’t want to look back at my life and think if only……. If I am a naturally solitary person then I have no issues with this but I want to know that I am for sure.


If I break it down I realise that whenever someone is interested in me I freak out, there have been many occasions when someone has been interested in me and I have run a mile.  I think because of a fear of intimacy and rejection.  I just don’t seem fancy many people at all, but is that because I am not giving people a chance?


I have been confused about my sexuality for about the past 5 years but I think the confusion is not about whether I like men or women, its more about that fact that I crave relationships but do not have them.  I could be with a man or a woman; it’s not about gender it’s about the person.  I am comfortable with that – but issues with trust, intimacy and abandonment seem to be holding me back.


I am an independent and self reliant person and I across to others as being very confident, but when it comes to relationships I have very little confidence.  I grew up around dysfunctional relationships; I had multiple father figures and a mother who just couldn’t cope.  The example I was set has left me cynical about marriage and men generally.


I guess just always presumed that I would meet someone one day, but that doesn’t seem to be happening.  Maybe now has come the time to do something about it?  I am considering joining a dating an agency and going out there and going on dates.  I am not expecting to get a relationship out of it, but a greater sense of self awareness and an answer to the questions of whether I am dismissing people before I have had chance to get to know them and for feelings to develop.  I seem to sort of expect those feelings to be instantaneous when I meet some one, but of course they are not.


I kind of have two choices I either continue as I am single and comfortable or I get out there and date.  Nothing may come of dating, but it will help me figure out if I am holding myself back or if I am just someone is inclined towards singlehood.


I want to step out of my comfort zone, by going on dates!  I actually have nothing to lose.  I’m not really looking for a relationship, rather a greater self awareness of my self with regards to relationships of a romantic nature.

eelarc eelarc
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 5, 2010

Thanks for the comment nomomisery - I do have any intention of marrying or even going out with people that I am not attracted to. I would totally rather to be single than go out with someone I am not attracted to.<br />
<br />
Is there such a thing as 'lust' at first site, or 'love' at first site? I think I have experienced lust at first site but only towards women, I don't beleive you can love someone if you don't know them. There have been people who i have met and not really been interested in romantically or sexually, but once i have got to know them i have started to develop feelings for them. That is why I want to go on dates because even if there is not that initital spark it will develop in time.<br />
<br />
As for libido I don't think I have issues. I have not desire to have sex with someone I am not attracted to and I'm not attracted to many people, I'm never attracted to men based on superficial apprearrance. However, once I start to fancy someone I want them really badly! I want to allow myself to get to know people well enough for those feelings to develop then sex will naturally follow. <br />
<br />
I have done the whole straight bar and gay bar thing and I've experimented. But its based on sex, i don't want to pick up some random stranger who I don't know. I want to get to know people and allow those feelings to develop. I have not tbeen on many dates and if you want to call an indesisive little experiment I don't mind, but it is an experiment that I need to have. <br />
<br />
As for gender preference for a long time I thought I was a lesbian, however, i have a huge crush on a guy at the moment, I am not attracted to his manliness I am attracted to the person he is. I cannot have him for various reasons so I want to go out there are meet people I can have rather than people I can't<br />
<br />
I cannot seperate sex and love! Perhaps that is the difference between me and you!