Where Is Home?

They say home is where you make it. I'm at my house, but this house doesn't fee like a home. Lately I've been finding myself thinking about how I want to go home. But the home I think about is not a house, or a particular place. It's a place where I finally feel okay, where it doesn't feel like something is missing. But there is something missing, and I'll never completely feel happy without you. Without you this house is not a home, and this life is not complete without you. The person I am talking about hasn't come into my life yet, but I wish they would, I'm tired of feeling lonely, I'm tired of worrying, I'm tired of feeling scared. I'm afraid that I'll never be truely happy again. I know they say better things will come my way, but I'm tired of waiting. I've waited for what seems like a life time. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, I can't stop feeling like there is a void that can never be filled. Anything that I do doesn't seem to help. Even trying to help someone else and make them feel better or help them, doesn't seem to work anymore. It's like this emptiness is only growing like a wild fire that can't be stopped. And when I look back on the things I think, and the things I feel, the one thing that echos in my head is, "I want to go home." Maybe if I wait long enough I'll find you, whoever you maybe, and I'll feel okay again. But for now I feel as if I'm dying in this silence, worrying if I'll ever find you, wondering if I'll ever be completely happy again, wishing I could trust again and open myself up once more. Behind this mask, and behind the locks and chains lies my fragile heart. I can see it as if my heart was a little crying kid, holding a teady bear, wanting a hug, wanting for someone to take him home with them.
Forest99 Forest99
18-21, M
Jan 15, 2013