I Give Up

I believe there are many different people you could love in your life. Being in love or in a relationship, having that other person is what I see as making life worthwhile. I always lived with my heart on my sleeve and gave it all I had. But I also believe that everyone has a true soul mate. That is their perfect match. Maybe they'll meet them... maybe they won't and they'll be ok with another type of love. By soulmate I mean epic love like the Notebook where your chemistry is so electric and everything just fits together where it's like that person really is your other half. Just being in their presence is amazing.

I had that... and I lost it being a silly, insecure, lost, naive little girl. I wish I'd met him later in life... I wish I hadn't let him leave. The thing is...once you've had this love everything else pales in comparison. It's been 2 years and I'm not over him no matter how hard I try. Everyone else says to have hope, to give people chances. I try to date and I do give people chances. Maybe I'm too big a people pleaser or pushover now or that they just aren't him so I don't really care about getting invested like I'm very cautious... but with good reason because I just get used and hurt... maybe it's karma for being so stupid before. But I just can't do it anymore. I don't want anyone but him so why am I trying and forcing myself to give people chances that don't even deserve it.

I've given up on love. I used to believe in it's power to overcome anything but I just can't. I have no faith in it. I just live with my memories and am lucky to have such good friends. I've accepted that he and I will never be together no matter how I try or pray or hope. I wish I could let him go, forget about him and get over him but maybe I'm just stubborn. I don't mean to give anyone else no hope but I know for me he was my one true love and it hurts so much to know that that's out there and you can't have it.