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Meaningless Fear

I don't know what's wrong with me. Every guy I've ever dated has dumped me because I acted too distant. Call it shyness, I guess, but that's no excuse. Truth is, I'm scared of them seeing the real me. The girl who sits at her computer all day, who hides from the world because she thinks she's ugly. I've always told myself that no one could possibly want me, and maybe that's why I do this to myself.
But now there's a new one. He's cute, charming, and one of the nicest people I've ever met. We planned our first date for this weekend, not knowing I'd get the flu. I kept thinking I'd get better in time for our date, but I didn't. And now he thinks I'm avoiding him when I'm really not.
I'm determined not to screw up this time. I'm not going to ruin another relationship with my insecurities.
rose413 rose413 13-15 2 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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Communication is key! Btw, figure out why you're guarded and work in fixing it by talking to someone you trust. You'll be more successful at maintaining healthy romantic relationships if you learn to love yourself first. Good luck! Hope everything works in love and life.

I understand the way you feel. I used to be the same way. I was always the quiet one. When really I was mostly just an anxious mess on the inside that felt simular to the way you do so I avoided many social situations, and still do to some degree. I have gotten better though. I'm not 100% sure what helped me. I think it may have been a combination of therapy which I hated at the time, getting into my art work and being pushed into uncomfortable social enviroments by my sister who was the exact opposite ( very social and outgoing). I think it was like a face your fears kind of thing that helped the most. It was hard at the time, but it broke down many walls I never thought would be able to be broken. I hope things work out for you. Only advice I could give is keep pushing yourself even if it feels a little uncomfortable. You will feel better and have less regrets down the road. Good Luck