I Don't Care...

... if I jinx it, but I must say. All my skepticism about relationships is based on my observations, readings, seeings. None of huge disappointments and stuff happened in my life. Of course I had pain, but that was mostly my own fault, which I then corrected (thank god).

The reason for being spared from relationship disasters that most of us describe is because I'm a very selective and very self-respecting person. Plus, I'm very rational as well. There's so much garbage outside that it almost leaves no hope for something good and worthy.

My role in life has been observation. I observed people at school when I went to high-school. Then I observed people in college for 2 years before I moved to U.S. Then I observed them at work before I went to U.S. college from the scratch. Time and again I've been asking myself (or should have asked people) WHY?

I got my first boyfriend when I was 20 (almost 21). He chased me, so I let him. He saw that I was different and was apparently hooked since I acted luke warm. I made him respect me and take things easy which anyone who's truly interested would do. I gave myself time to see what this guy was all about. I observed again. He was kind and sweet and respectful and very gentleman-like man and the more I raised my own value, the more he saw it in me. He was more than wonderful during our 2 years, until it all ended due to religious differences. We're still good friends.

Right after him, a guy emerged. I knew him for a while, we were friends. That gave me a chance to learn stuff about him and observe. We started going out and had lots of fun. He too figured what I was about - a person who knows what she wants, who wouldn't tolerate any mistreatment or lies or betrayals, a person who also would give pure heart and honesty and love. For some reason, I can sense person's potential in early stages and my heart won't pursue him if something's off. Also, whatever I'm expecting from others - honesty, loyalty, respect, etc. - I'm giving it myself.

The guy I have now also knows my price and our relationship is way beyond the regular. Of course he could cheat or lie or betray or whatever, but at this point it would be absolutely pointless. There's a stage you reach when you mature enough to understand what things are worth it and what things aren't. But unfortunately, too few have such a mindset. Most of us fall prey to immaturity of others and our own, to lies and fakeness. We think we're in love, but we aren't. It's just hormones. Or we love and we think we're loved back, but we can't see the reality because we're blinded. Our society doesn't have enough patience and that's why we step in too much crap along the way.

I'm skeptical about others' relationships because I see how many mistakes people make in front of my eyes and how they float in their dreamlands. I do make my own mistakes too, but because of my patience and selective heart-sight, I don't have things to regret nor have I had people/men in life who would mistreat me. I just didn't let it roll until that point just because I loved.

misasja misasja
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 18, 2007

Well said_ :)