I'm Taken, But I Have a Gut Feeling That Only Gets Worse When I Say "I Love You"

I don't know what it is, whether my divorced parents have a hand in it, whether my 7 breakups were the reason, or whether my friend's suicidal rampage convinced me, but I have always had it plotted in my mind that relationships are all temporary means for companionship. I always have a feeling that the romance will run dry, that someone else is far more qualified than me to be a girlfriend, or that I might end up in a situation that forces him out of my life.

Call it paranoia, but every day is a warning that the end is near.

My mother used to tell me, "There is always someone better than you somewhere in the world, even if they aren't better than you in another field." So I can't help but wonder when that better person is going to intercept and run away with the jackpot.

It's really depressing when you've given yourself to the person you're dating. When you're so far fallen in love, that you can't convince yourself to live a life without him (or her).

He almost broke up with me three times; all times were emotionally rattling, and caused me to consider ways to harm myself.

It's ridiculous, considering I convinced myself to not ever fall in love again.

And look to what boundaries I go to save it.
escariot escariot
18-21, F
Aug 10, 2007