I Am Skinny
I've been skinny my entire life, but I never have felt skinny. I'm one of those girls that breaks down into tears in the dressing rooms if the size 00 doesn't button or won't go over my hips (not that I really even have any).
Since 8th grade, I've noticed others' weight more. I've been paying closer attention to how other people look, to their weight, to everything about them. I started comparing myself to other girls, seeing where they were thinner than I was. Sometimes I'd even feel victorious if I knew I weighed less than them.
But I can't help thinking that if I was skinny enough, I would be happy. I only weigh 103 pounds at 5'5", but I want to get down to 100. After 100 comes 95. Then 90. Then 85. Then 80. And I don't think I want to stop until I weigh nothing. It's dangerous to think that way, but I can't help it.
Eating anything makes me feel disgustingly fat, like I can feel the calories leaking into my thighs and upper arms, filling me with fat. Eating scares me, to be honest.
Some days, I wake up just fine and eat a normal, healthy breakfast, then spend the day with some friends or my boyfriend.
Other days, I wake up, catch my eyes in the mirror while brushing my teeth, and let my eyes canvass over my body, noticing where I look a bit pudgier than I did the other day. Then I don't allow myself to eat until dinner.
I feel almost embarrassed when people offer me food and I reject them. I can see the question in their eyes, but they don't want to ask.
I just wish people would leave me alone and stop worrying about me. I've got everything under control.
Since 8th grade, I've noticed others' weight more. I've been paying closer attention to how other people look, to their weight, to everything about them. I started comparing myself to other girls, seeing where they were thinner than I was. Sometimes I'd even feel victorious if I knew I weighed less than them.
But I can't help thinking that if I was skinny enough, I would be happy. I only weigh 103 pounds at 5'5", but I want to get down to 100. After 100 comes 95. Then 90. Then 85. Then 80. And I don't think I want to stop until I weigh nothing. It's dangerous to think that way, but I can't help it.
Eating anything makes me feel disgustingly fat, like I can feel the calories leaking into my thighs and upper arms, filling me with fat. Eating scares me, to be honest.
Some days, I wake up just fine and eat a normal, healthy breakfast, then spend the day with some friends or my boyfriend.
Other days, I wake up, catch my eyes in the mirror while brushing my teeth, and let my eyes canvass over my body, noticing where I look a bit pudgier than I did the other day. Then I don't allow myself to eat until dinner.
I feel almost embarrassed when people offer me food and I reject them. I can see the question in their eyes, but they don't want to ask.
I just wish people would leave me alone and stop worrying about me. I've got everything under control.
By:
Emilyyxx
Age:
16-17
,
Female
1
response
