Its That Time of the Year Again!

All my life, one of my good qualities as a parent and person, was my patience and carefree attitude towards anything and everything. But lately, it seems everything around causes some kind of panic inside my head. I get overwhelmed sometimes and I don't like to admit it. I often crash in bed from exhaustion and sleep for hours after going all week with little or no sleep. And its taking its toll on my body, not to mention my family. I had lanned to take a nice relaxing weekend with the kids and the wife to the mountains to visit an Ice Sculpture Festival but my work couldn't find anyone who wants to cover my shift, despite the fact I cover everyones shift whenever they need me to. Also, I coach HS BB and we are in the middle of our tournament run which happens to be the same weekend. I can't skip it because my daughter has been promoted to starting point gaurd as a freshman. Last weekend our starting point gaurd blew her knee out for the second time in 2 years. So I will be running her back and forth from the cabin to the tournament (3hr drive) so she can play and I can coach. My wife was furious when she found out I didn't get the time off, and she had every right to be but she wanted me to quit or call in so I could go anyway. I told her I wasn't about to quit the way the economy was. Its tough enough to keep a decent job much less find one. So we fought about that and my lack of commitment to her and the kids. Speaking of the kids; like I said, I have a freshmen daughter on the varsity BB team, I also have a 10yo son whom I coach his rec BB league, I also have a 12yo daughter whom I coach in AAU, and I have a 17yo son who is having sex with his 16yo gf in my house in his bedroom. That last one has been a very hot topic with the wife and I. I believe its very disrespectful for this girl to come into our house and act like she lives there and spend all her time in his bedroom, she doesn't even try to talk to me she just goes down to his bedroom.My wife is of the opinion that she would rather he do that at home than out on the street somewhere, I disagree. He is too young and irresponsible to be a dad and I am way to young to be a grandpa. Major battle ground material there. Have to tip-toe around that subject if I don't want an all out war. So again my lack of commitment to my family is brought up, even though it seems everything I am doing involves my kids somehow. Now when it come to my wife, I will admit there is a lack of commitment there which is a residuel affect from a bad marraige. She can't expect to behave one way for so many years and then expect me to go back to the way I was when we first met. When we first got married, we were both passionate, like so many young couples are but of course things changed quickly. We had kids, we needed money, we got jobs and so went things. I tried to keep the passion alive but when she couldn't lose the weight after our last child, she became depressed and unresponsive to me. She wouldn't let me hold her at night. She wouldn't let me hold her hand while in town. And of course our sex life went down the drain. At first I was very persistent and probably annoying but eventually after several years I just plain gave up and instead decided to live with the fact that she wasn't into me anymore or just unhappy with her body and she didn't want to be touched despite the fact I always reassured her I love her no matter what she looked like, (it wasn't like I was some kind of Adonis!) Now all of a ssudden she wonders why I don't pay more attention to her and why I'm not more affectionate. After 14yrs of no attention or affection and nothing but fighting or bickering I had settled into the realization that I wasn't going to wait for her to get better so I decided to do the things that would make me happy. I took a job that would allow me to coach during the evenings and weekends. Now she complains how I don't make time for her and basketball is more important than her. In some ways shes right. I don't really know how to handle this now. And did I mention, my job is working grave yard shift for a security firm. So my stress levels are through the roof right now. Just had to get that off my chest. Thx for reading.

parradox parradox
36-40, M
Feb 12, 2009