I Just Need to Vent

Today, I received an internet letter from UCD, telling me I was rejected. Yeah, I know that thousands of people get rejected each year, but this wasn't just about some college I wasn't even planning to go to. This was my life, and how I'm slowly losing control of it. I came home from school today to see my parents once again arguing, both idiots as usual. I'm not the academic student I strive to be, and just recently I feel like I'm losing contact with the people I know. My sister is always busy, and I feel like the loneliest guy in the world, as well as the most boring person ever. My computer's broken, and hasn't been fixed since forever. It's not life or death, but for someone who doesn't quite know how to deal with the future, it might as well have been. I don't even care what tomorrow brings anymore. I even got to the point where, upon being notified for detention for the first time, I felt almost thrilled, as if this new experience is the only reminder that I'm still alive. I'm don't know how long I can keep up this fake image of myself until everything finally crumbles.

RaincoatPanda RaincoatPanda
18-21, M
2 Responses Mar 13, 2009

the beauty of life itself.. is that it never goes according to our wants... but our sub concious needs... instead of pondering on what we should of done.. look forward and see what u still CAN do.. fear of the unknown.. fear of anything in fact can destroy lifes. just accept life has taken a different path... not gone wrong. you have faced what u percieve as the wong in your life... and now is the chance to see it as the RIGHT now.. i can assure you if you let me.. that only WE have control over ourselfs and mindstate and how we percieve our lifes and that around us. an affirmation to remind yourself ' i am strong.. and will suceed' say it when u need it... and you will eventually believe yourself!!

Well you've done something positive by posting this and expressing yourself. You're putting yourself back together, one little piece at a time.<br />
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I'm very sorry to hear about your rejection. If you are determined to go to one school, spend the year beefing up your resume, studying for entrance exams and volunteering to make yourself a more viable candidate.<br />
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Or go to another school for a year, make spectacular grades and transfer to the school you want. It sounds like getting out of that house might be a good thing for you but Copperleah is so right when she says that people just get wrapped up in themselves, especially if your parents are having their own crises right now with their relationship. None of us are perfect, forgive them, go to one of them and talk about your feelings.<br />
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There's a lot of sunshine left in your life.