I Shouldn't Feel Like This

I've read a lot of stories on here. Everyone has the same advice, "Go out and join a club, be social, etc." It's not that easy for me.

My parents divorced when I was 14. It was very messy. I basically took care of my younger brother who was 10 at the time. It forced me to grow up faster than I should of. I moved to another state and had a hard time making friends in my new high school. For all three years of high school, I only had two good friends. One turned out not to be so great and the other friend and I hardly talk anymore. All of my friends have been at least 2+ years older than me. I feel like I couldn't relate to anyone my age. I didn't get to go to college like everyone else. I'm in community college. I was hoping by going to one farther from my house would give me the opportunity to meet more people. I only met one person. I really liked this guy and I gave him my number. He has a girlfriend, but he showed interest in me. We talk everyday, but he never wants to hang out with me. Ever. I ask him if he wants to hang out and he ignores me. I have other friends,but they all turned 21 this year and all they do is go out. They are all negative and judgmental about everything. I hang out with them, but we never do anything because "I'm too young to do anything". I stopped hanging out with them because I don't want to hang out with people that will just bring me down. I want to hang out with people who are more positive about life because that is what I need.

I need to make friends my own age. I don't know how. I don't feel like I can relate to them still. I don't care for beer pong or Kesha. I'm hoping when school starts, I'll meet more people.

Lately, I've been so sad though. I feel so alone and I have no one. My phone hardly rings or anything. I sit in my room staring at the walls and think how I got to this point. I think about why I'm so sad and why I can't make friends. I try to talk to my dad about it, but his approach to how to deal with it is different. I used to go to therapy in 7th and 8th grade for depression and other things. My dad didn't like it, but I asked my mom to take me. Now that I'm 19, I can make the decision myself. My mother told me I should go if I feel that's what I need. Then I talk to my dad and he tells me therapy is for the weak minded and gave me this really good lecture which I understood, but it basically ended with the realization of I'll be lonely forever because of the person I am. I'm really nice and do whatever possible for my friends, but they never do the same for me. My dad told me about this Buddhist thing about how the kindest people will always be the loneliest because people will never return the favor nor be as caring as that person.

I don't want to be alone forever. I want friends but I don't know how to make them. I want to stop crying and feeling sad. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to make friends. I don't know how to talk to people and have it go any further.

p.s. there is a lot more things to be said, but I don't feel like writing a novel which I already did.
SweetDisposition1 SweetDisposition1
18-21, F
5 Responses Aug 3, 2010

Hi, I know how you feel. You're far from alone as they're are many of us out there who feel exactly like you. What helps me is that I know in my heart that I am a genuine,nice, kind and loyal person. So if people don't like me for who I am the issue lies with them. I try my best to just go about my life and enjoy it as best I can, which isn't easy all the time. And maybe some day i'll meet people who respect me for me. I learned the hard way after school that friendship isn't about running after people trying to please them so that they'll like you. Friendship is about standing on your spot and saying 'hi this is me, take me for who i am'. I hope you find some solace. X

Hi, I know how you feel. You're far from alone as they're are many of us out there who feel exactly like you. What helps me is that I know in my heart that I am a genuine,nice, kind and loyal person. So if people don't like me for who I am the issue lies with them. I try my best to just go about my life and enjoy it as best I can, which isn't easy all the time. And maybe some day i'll meet people who respect me for me. I learned the hard way after school that friendship isn't about running after people trying to please them so that they'll like you. Friendship is about standing on your spot and saying 'hi this is me, take me for who i am'. I hope you find some solace. X

Oh god atleast here is somebody who is just a carbon copy of me........i too feel very lonely and could never make friends.i hope we both can catch up .........

I just want to tell you that u are not alone ...I feel the same way....like how the hell did i get to this point.. I to have very very very few friends and i just cant seem the find the right people who i can really relate to. I am a fun open minded person and i am so tired of boring everyday people who just "follow the crowd" if u know what i mean. I having issues in the boyfriend area also... I stared to laugh when u talked about the part about that boy ignoring u when u asked to go out... I experienced the same thing recently i had asked this boy i was talking to if he wanted to come over my place to a party i was having for my son and he totally ignored me....im like ok did u hear me..... dont get it.....thought that was too odd....Well u have a friend here!.. and good luck with finding happiness!

you dont have to necessarily hang out to make friends initially..start right here on Ep..there are really nice people..moreover you have such a vast pool to chose from...hope this is of some worth for you..take care