All Alone Now....

My X left me 6 1/2 years a go. It was OK, except it killed my self esteem. Then I meet Laurie. She was perfect except for a tweak, She needed 5 husbands! I Loved her but she didn't love me. Again my self esteem took a hit. I in the mean time, the job I was working at, which started off good, kept changing the management around and pushing me very hard, I push myself to hard on top of that. My self esteem was being torn down some more. Then under my distress from work my girl friend of 2 1/2 years left me for another guy. My self esteem was taken to the bottom in Great pain! I quit the job I was working and found another. Now I work all alone in a dungeon all day and come home to my empty house. No friends, no family, only Brittney to talk on the phone to every few days. She doesn't want me either. I'm in the deepest emotional pit I've ever been in and for the last 6 1/2 years. I try to clime out but someone all ways kicks me back down it the pit. It has been a downward spiral I can't seem to break. I'm at the bottom... or maybe it's deeper than I think! If this is my life! I don't want It! "Please Lord let me Die, I don't want to live on this planet any more, let me go....."

ShamanSpirit24 ShamanSpirit24
56-60, M
4 Responses Apr 22, 2012

In The end Love is all there is.....

There is nothing but, "to keep Love A live" I am in the pits of Hell, But, Keep Love alive, it is all I know, in my mind, My Heart???????????????????????????

I would give anything to have had the relationships you've had. At least there was that much content—stuff—in your life. You've had experience. That's good.<br />
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I know loneliness and solitude all too well.<br />
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Life is hard work and relationships can be bloody murder. But there is no choice. We just keep going, keep love alive any way we can.<br />
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Refuse to let anyone kick you. It is not death that you want. It is silence of the mind, a quiet inner peace that lets you know everything is all right. You have to believe this is achievable in this lifetime on this planet.<br />
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There must be something inside you that provides some comfort. You can find it. You will find it. The other side of pain is bliss. <br />
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God, I don't know what more to say. Just looking at your photo says to me that you have good inner strength and a good heart. Keep it all strong.

Thank You! I Appricate The opennice of your heart! Belond what I can tell you here!....
God's Love... The universe's Love to you! Thank You!

I know those words all too well. I too, was done with this life. But I couldn't and wouldn't take the easy way out. Suicide. So I woke up each day and went about the daily routines knowing I was dying inside. Then a very lovely friend offered me solace. A chance to get myself together without any outside worries. My very own "Happy Acres", without the costs or orderlies. It has been very very theraputic. You must find your inner happiness. That thing inside you that says no matter what the circumstances I am worthy, I am loved, I have purpose. As wonderful as it is to find that special someone to share your life with, in the end it is your life and only you can live it or not live it. I hope that you find that outlet. I know this place has been my salvation. Read some of my stories. Maybe if you can see how others are hurting too, you won't feel so all alone. And connect with some EP folks. They really are some special people here. I've seen myself blossom and it's been wonderful. Best of everything to you and please reach out. I have alot of free time and will answer all forms of communication.

THANK YOU! So very much, I AM STRUGLEING With god's love for me. We are all conected Gos's Love is every where.... Thank you, I am Learning.....

God's love. That's a tough one. I, too, struggle with that. I think because I make it so intangible. Computer acting up sorry.

I feel so much Love inside me, but I feel so emty of Love. God is helping me I know, But it still Hurts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!