I Want To Scream!
my family has been crumbling for a while now. I have been able to be strong because I had to be strong. I could not let my three year old son see me cry. But today is different. Today my son's father texted me poetry off the top of his head and it broke me. I sent him a long text about how I felt and his answer was that he'll leave me alone and won't bother me any more. But that's not what I want. I know I don't want to be alone. And I know I am so scared of never finding anyone else. I've always fallen into relationships. I don't know how to meet people. I have a son now. Who is ever going to want me now? I'm nobody. None of my "friends" call me anymore. They were people I knew through him. So now what. I am worn paper thin and i am alone and my soul feels like it's tearing in two. I just want to scream into the void and hope that someone hears me and hears my pain and has some way to put the pieces of me back together again.
So I've gotten a couple of comments and I appreciate them. But I have to make something clear. He is using Meth! I don't want to be with him the way he is. It is not healthy for me or our son. I left him because of this. But I still love him. I wish things were different. When we were together he never spoke poetry. He never did all these sweet things he has been doing since we split. I know it is because he loves me. But it hurts!